i don't know what to think?

bella54 · 30-08-2010, 08:27 PM

so briefly, i broke up with my ex of 18ish months becasue he cheated and was a mess then a month later i met another guy. Fun, relaxed, doesnt know my history and just a laugh. We've been seeing each other for 7 or so weeks, meeting up, texting and he's made me feel normal. My ex told me how no other guy would ever put up with me but now i'm "fixed" i haven't SI in a long time and my eating is a lot better. I've been feeling very happy. I had sex with this guy which for me is a huge deal, firstly to trust someone that much and that soon and secondly to actually feel comfortable with them. I know it's a summer fling but he has helped me more than he can ever know, it feels like he was the final step to my recovery. He sees my scars and doesnt care and doesnt ask questions becasue he knows i dont want to go there.

At a party yesterday him and a friend of mine (and everyone else) were very drunk and they ended up falling asleep on a matress together. She told me they just kissed and nothing more and neither of them want anything out of it, just drunken kissing. Do i have a right to feel hurt by this? He isn't my boyfriend, its only 7 weeks but i saw him more often than i ever saw my ex. They were drunk and it didnt mean anything? But she KNEW i was kinda with him and she openly told me and thought it was funny she got with him? It feels like he cheated on me but he didnt really. Seeing each other implies you can do what you want with other people but we never said it was seeing orb bf/gf we just did what we wanted and didnt lable it. I tried to make him tell me by mentioning the girl but he changed subjects. He siad he was extremely drunk/high and doesnt really remember a lot but she does?

He makes me very happy and it will only be for another month ago before i go to uni. should i just ignore this as it clearly wasnt a big thing and continue to make the most out of it or just ditch him? I wouldnt be so hurt if he had just told me it was a drunken mistake

paula :) · 30-08-2010, 09:23 PM

This is a hard one. I guess he was so drunk he didnt know what he was doing but he should have took responsibility as too not get so drunk that he didnt know what he was doing. I agree he should atleast talk to you about the situation and put your mind at ease. I hope everything gets better xx good luck take care x

paula :) · 30-08-2010, 09:26 PM

good luck x

88shelz · 31-08-2010, 12:02 AM

tbh if i was in the situation i wouldnt care how long we had been going out. cheating is cheating.

Opus. · 01-09-2010, 04:54 PM

^ but she's said that they weren't boyfriend/girlfriend. They were seeing each other, which puts it in this grey area, and it's totally understandable why she's so confused.

It's also totally understandable that you're upset by this. While you weren't actually together, you liked this guy, and not only have you been hurt by him, your friend has also hurt you - she knew you were seeing each other, and yet she still kissed him. I think it's important to talk to her about how you feel, because you said that she finds it funny, which isn't fair. Sit her down, and get it all out.

It's completely up to you what you want to do with him at this point. I know that's no decent advice, but it's the best I can give. Think about what you want from this - do you want just a summer fling, or do you want a relationship? If you do want a relationship, I'm going to point out that while relationships with someone back home can work while you're at uni, I'm actually in one, trust is so so important. In a long distance relationship, it's more important than in a close-by one. And if he's kissed your friend, can you really trust him?

If you just want a summer fling, then you want to end up as friends with this guy, then maybe it's best to just leave it. Kissing her doesn't seem to be a big deal to him, and trying to get him to understand how you're feeling could make things a little awkward between you, after you're friends...

I don't know. Hope this was some sort of help?
- Tre x

Mademoiselle Lola. · 01-09-2010, 05:07 PM

Oh I did so many stupid things while I was drunk.
Forgive him and get over this,it doesn't matter at all as long as he WAS drunk.If he wasn't that's another and more complicated story.