I think the time is coming for me to change something, and i can't see that change being for the better - i want to die! and i can't carry on like this anymore. Why can't my friends just give up on me? so i don't have to hurt them anymore, so everytime i cut, they don't get hurt by it. everytime i feel like dying, i'm not worrying them. and when i die, they don't have to be upset.
Im only 16 still so im less than a quarter of the way through an average life here and i don't think im going to make it that long, i dont think im going to live long enough to die a natural death.
I hate this, i hate myself. im behind at school, a really sh*t friend and i don't know why i'm bothering. my contribution to this planet is going to be either non-existant or for the worse, if i go now then im minimising the damage i am going to do in the future.
the world hates me, and is doing all it can to make my lifwe worse than it already is..is that a hint maybe? if it is then im getting the idea very clearly. its nearly my time to go
Im very sorry to hear about the way that your feeling. However suicide really isnt the answer though i know that suicide is a way of escaping pain and grief and many other different things but suicide effects the people that are left behind in so many different ways. *Gives you a big hug* i know that what your going through isnt easy but it doesnt mean that you cant get through this. You mentioned that if you died it wouldnt hurt anyone and that it would be better for everyone. But i can tell you that if you did die it would upset alot of people and that it would hurt people alot more than self harm does. I am in no way saying its ok to self harm. What i am saying is that suicide hurts people more than self harm. Could you describe in more detail what it is that is making you feel like this? Do you have any support at all? (If you have one) have you spoken to your counseller how your feeling? Im so sorry for the pain that your going through. This link is Called *How suicide effects those around you* http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ead.php?t=1405
You can get through this please dont give up please keep fighting through this. Things wont be like this forever, things will get better. Please be gentle with yourself try not to be too hard on yourself as that will only create more problems. We are all here for you and we will support you for as long as you need it. I know its incredibly difficult when your feeling really low but we are here to support you ok. Please try not to get yourself worked up, take a step back from everything for a moment and take lots of deep breaths. You can get through this. I can understand you feeling that nobody would care if you died, because i have felt like that before.
I know that things are not great for you right now but they wont always be like this. Have you thought about writing down your thoughts and feelings? If you do decide write down your thoughts and feelings its important that you combine both the positive things and the negative things together so that you dont end up writing down just the negative things on there own. The reason your friends are not giving up on you is because they really care about you and they dont want to lose you. Please make sure that you keep safe. There are many different ways you can be safe, you could go to your local A&E ans speak to a proffesional about this, or you could arrange an appointment with your doctor, or as i mentioned in my post earlier if you have a counseller you could speak to her. Usually counsellers give you a number that you can call if you ever need to speak to them, so you could also try calling the number that she gave you as another alternative.
There are lots of things that you can try to keep yourself distracted here are some of them, listening to music, doing jobs to keep you busy, watching a movie, going for a walk and posting on the fun and distractions forum. Please keep talking to us, you dont have to go through this all on your own, we are here for you. Please take care its important that you look after yourself.
honey you need to be strong right now and remember all the things you have to live for. im only 17, feel the same way to you a lot of the time like no-one cares and like i want to end it all, but i just take it one day at a time. i sometimes think no-one will miss me if i just end it tomorrow, but then i remember my family and friends and thoughts for the future and just try to keep going any way i can - sometimes thats SI, sometimes just having a good cry in the shower or with a friend.
just think will you still feel like this tomorrow? you'll never know what a difference you can make to the world if you're not there to make it happen....
thanks for replying, i didnt think anyone would.
There isn't any reason for me to be feeling like this as far as i can see. it just happened and im such a selfish b*tch that ive let it.
there are some adults who know about the SH (not the SU) but they're trying to convince me into getting professional help which i am refusing, so no i don't have a counseller. Please don't try to talk me into getting the help like they've suggested, i've had enough of people trying to force me into things and it won't help. My friends are amazing but i don't like to burden them anymore than i already have, and they also spend their time trying to talk me into professional help. My parents don't know about any of this and that is how i want it to stay, they can't find out.
i can't imagine things getting better, i can't imagine myslef having a future . i just don't understand myself, why im like i am. this pain better be worth it.
i know how you feel, even when i was like 11 before any of this started i couldnt see myself reaching 17, but im here now and still going, just taking life step by step by myself. one of my friends told my mum about the SI, and after once suggesting i see a pyschiatrist she hasnt mentioned it in over a year, and that made me feel worse in so many ways, like she didnt care.
i have no idea why i feel like i do, i have a stereotypically 'perfect' privilidged life but i dont think i could honestly feel more out of place. my friends support me, but none of them understand why i'd want to change what i have for anything worse. i am doing it by myself, and yeh i do relapse occasionally, but im getting better and thats through myself, no-one pushing me too fast and forcing me to do stuff i dont want to.
just keep going, and if it all becomes too much again talk to a friend - they wont find you a burden, they just might not know the right thing to say (mine never do), but they'll want to help you inside.
