I keep ODing... Once I get the idea in my head, I find it so hard to get it out. I know how it affects the people around me yet after less than a week since I last ODed I am thinking about it again! What is wrong with me? Do you think there is anything that could help me? Thanks!! xx
Sounds like you have an addiction to ODing and do it on perhaps impulse? Or because you feel the "need" to do it, and it won't get out of your head until you do? Are either of those accurate?
I have had a major problem with ODing for quite a few years now, and I still do, however, you have to remember that 1) ODing won't solve anything, it will only cause more problems and more urges to do it again, 2) It can damage you and possibly kill you(ODs over a long period of time, small or large, can do such terrible damage to you and you may end up dropping dead one day, to be blunt...) and 3) You need to focus on the underlying problems causing this, not acting on the behavior, this is a symptom of what's going on for you, you need to get to the root of it all.
There IS help that you can be offered with this, it'll mostly be therapy though to understand and solve what's making you feel this way and why you want to do this to yourself.
Perhaps you could write all this down and go to your doctor / GP about it, or if you see a professional of the psychological kind ie a psychologist or counselor etc, then you could tell them about this and they will assess and offer you help depending on which would fit your situation the best.
But i was just wondering is there anything you think you get emotionally or physically from ODing?What need within you is it meeting cos clearly there is something?Thats not a criticism.i have had problems with OD'ing a lot.
The reason i ask is cos maybe if you can figure out a bit about what most drives you to OD then maybe it will a bit easier to think of ways to interrupt the process/meet specific needs in other ways/try to think of safer alternatives.
What does it give you that you feel you need?i really empathise and feel for you on this and i also think its good that you do realise that you have problems with/addiction to what could potentially be very dangerous behaviour [again not a criticism - ive been/may still be in a roughly similar place] and that you are trying to work on it and i really would also encourage you to talk openly with those in your team about this.Its really important and hopefully they can help more too.
Good luck and keep talking.We are here to support you.
xx xx
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
I've had problems with oding too. I think it was a form of self harm for me and a way of getting help, a way of "speaking" to those around me that I wasn't well. I do believe there is help for it, like I'm over it now, although I still self harm cutting, I haven't oded in nearly 2 years. What stopped it for me was seeing how much it hurt my parents and putting them through that. I'm sure you can find your own reasons to stop, although you may need help getting there. Good luck.
Thank you for all your replies! I really appreciate it!
I think you're right. It is a very impulsive act. I am probably addicted to doing it as much as I am addicted to self-harm but after speaking to my parents a lot over the last couple of days I am going to try very hard not to self-harm in any way but I know it is going to be a big challenge for me. I definitely need help with it. I am on the waiting list for DBT, but that's not starting until January next year and I feel I need help now. I do have my care co-ordinator to help me though and I'm sure she'll go through some things with me.
I think what drives me to ODing is actually wanting to die. Although I never take enough to kill myself (although I know it is doing damage anyway), I want to feel closer to death I think and want to know that I am in control and can go all the way if I want to. x
Its a common feeling amongst most people, ODing but not wanting to die, so you ain't alone. But maybe you give your medication to somebody you trust to look after it, like your parents or close family members? Or even ask your GP/chemist to supply you for 2 weeks of medications and grab them later on for the other 2 weeks. But if you do OD, do seek some help plz as it can be dangerous.
For most people there is also triggers which may cause you to feel like you want to do an impulsive act. Hopefully during DBT, they can identify them but more importantly finding something which works for you to get through that difficult phase. Take care x
My Mum looks after my medication but I'm able to buy things from the chemist. I saw my care co today and she was very supportive and said she will do some work on self-harm with me. Hopefully that will help! x
I know , i had the same problem i became very implusive both with the od-ing and the sh. At the time, because i would be feeling so down i would think i wish these would kill me but really i wished they didn't just i was feeling bad and the day after i always found hard. As it would be like the emtions last night were a bad dream then i would remember or be in pain and realised that actually i had od-ed that night.
When my CPN suggested me going on meds she did say that my parents would have to look after the meds, as she pretty much told me she didn't trust me not to od.
Yeah I think you've explained it well there Lauren. I suppose deep down I don't want them to kill me but at the time I think I do...strange, isn't it!!
Yeah they've said they don't trust me either so my Mum looks after them now and it works well but I do feel a bit stupid that I can't look after my own medication.
It's not strange imo, a lot of people with MH difficulties feel like that and especially with problems regarding ODing do too. At the time, you get so worked up and impulsive, you think you want to really kill yourself, but when it comes down to it, you deep down don't. The aftermath can be frightening from an OD, but then it happens again because you're kinda stuck inbetween, and pulled by both sides. Sometimes the suicidal part wins, other times the pro active side wins. It can be extremely confusing, complicated and distressing, but you CAN get help for this and it isn't all that unusual.
Maybe you don't want to live but don't want to die because your life is distressing, therefore you don't want to be here, or at least, in your mind/body? Am I right at all in this? A lot of people feel that way, it's more common than you'd think.
If it is the case, perhaps try and make it so your life, your mind/body, and the world is a place you'd like to be in. This can be achieved in numerous ways.
Doing things you enjoy, therapy(many kinds that can help with a range of MH problems and emotional difficulties), medication if it is needed(however, if this is the case, I'd recommend having a limited amount or controlled by someone you trust/who knows about this and is understanding, so then you won't feel as tempted in ODing), socializing more even if you don't feel like doing so, if you sometimes force yourself to, you may find it lightens your mood as well as finding you actually enjoy doing it, not to mention taking your mind off stressful things going on, helping those in need can give you a really good sense of being needed/usefu as well as being happier you're doing something for someone else, distracting yourself, there's tons you can do to make yourself happier and doing things to take your mind off what's going on.
