I was just curious about this. I've been looking around, and I read through the rules and all the pinned threads in the different forums, but I didn't see anything about forum etiquette. I'm not talking about hard and fast rules here; every place develops its own informal codes of what constitutes "appropriate" behavior, and I can't find anything about that (though I did see quite a lot of whining about how newcomers don't have respect for the forum rules, which I found...interesting).
Anyway, I was sort of hoping someone could give me the rundown, or provide a thread link that my searches haven't turned up. I'm still quite new here, but I get the feeling that I've made myself unwelcome already. I'd really like to be able to either quantify or dismiss this. Thank you.
I'm really not sure about this to be honest. I guess, for me personally, is if I don't have anything nice/helpful/constructive to say, I just don't say anything at all.
I think 95% of people agree with this, and 5% do not.
As for forum etiquette, I like to think of treat others as you'd like to be treated. Otherwise, there's not much more I know what to say about etiquette; staying within the rules is a good one, but otherwise with so many different personalities there's bound to be different styles of things.
And as for you personally, I like what I've seen of you, I don't think you've made yourself unwelcome.
To a point it just takes some time watching people.
Ummm.......complaining about everything after you've only been here a month is nomaly a faux pas.
In chat, jump into conversations.
If you ask for help be prepared to be challeged and ready to do something. Its anoying writing out a reply and only getting excuses back.
Know comming in that we only give you the tools to recover your life. We can't do it for you. It does take work.
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
Ummm.......complaining about everything after you've only been here a month is nomaly a faux pas.
Haha!! Point taken. I can't apologize for feeling miffed by the complaints I've read; I did read everything, and I do post according to the rules, and I have double-checked myself when I thought something I had to say might be questionable according to same. I'm aware it's ridiculous, but yeah...I felt slighted. And yeah, that does contribute to the cold atmosphere I detect here.
But I can apologize for the way I worded that, and I do. It wasn't fair of me to lash out, especially given that the biggest source of my emotional outburst is based outside this site. Though I resent the allegation that I complain about "everything." I'd appreciate it if you'd quantify that for me; constructive commentary is what I had in mind when I started this thread, so if you have something to say, I'd hear it.
As for the rest of these suggestions, thank you; a lot of what constitutes etiquette anywhere is common sense (i.e., minding one's manners, bearing in mind the greater good, behaving with honor, etc.), but different places tend to emphasize different things, and it occurred to me that, given RYL's nature, there might be particular "rules of thumb" I should bear in mind.
To be honest, I was surprised there wasn't already an open discussion about this. I'd expected such an apparently progressive and helpful place to be more open about it, considering its specialized nature. I sure hope I haven't upset anyone.
Sorry. That wasn't directed to you AT ALL. I'm very impressed that you read the rules and the stickies. It was just a general obervation. Sorry about the wording.
RYL really isn't that cold. The chat rooms (i just typed cat rooms :P), the genaral chat board and the support boards are fairly warm in my opinion. You need to remember that most people who post here are from the UK. The boards are almost dead at this time. So that might contribute to that feeling.
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
Sorry. That wasn't directed to you AT ALL. I'm very impressed that you read the rules and the stickies. It was just a general obervation. Sorry about the wording.
Oh! Hah...I'm embarrassed now. :P My mom passed away this afternoon after a long illness, so I'm not myself (I'm not asking for sympathy, I swear; it just seemed weak and contrived to say "today has been a hard day" rather than admit the truth). I'm kind of thinking maybe it wasn't such a good idea to post this today. >.<
I like it here. I lurked on the forums for a long time before I joined; I finally signed up because I was so impressed. I've felt out of place since joining, but I'm going to hang around for awhile yet, because I think most of that impression is my own lack of emotional balance. Anyway, I've talked enough, I think.
Thank you a lot; I appreciate the patience, and everyone's commentary. I do like RYL, and I'm not going to give it up until I'm satisfied it's a wash, and I'm a long way from that. ;)
I don't know if we really have a defined etiquette. We all have different approaches to our recovery and how we help others. Be honest when you ask for support, that's important. I pretty sure that this isn't much of a problem for you but I'm going to say it anyway, it's generally a good idea to remember that everyone has a valid reason for being here, we all deserve support at times. Basic manners are a good thing to have, but you seem to already be in possession of those.
I'm going to be like Aimee here, personally, I like you. I do, you are very nice and I hope that you stick around because I would enjoy getting to know you. You've helped me so much already, more than you know, and I'd love the opportunity to return the favor. I'm so sorry that your mom passed away, take care of yourself okay?
I dont know if 'forum etiquette' is really something that will work here. We have enough outcry with just the rules, let alone anything more that defines the behaviour of the site. We do try to let people express themselves and so as long as its within the rules its usually ok.
Plus I dont actually think we need 'forum etiquette' I think most of the people on this site are here for support and or to support others and although sometimes their are arguements etc, we seem to work quite well the way we are. But thats just me!
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
I dont know if 'forum etiquette' is really something that will work here. We have enough outcry with just the rules, let alone anything more that defines the behaviour of the site. We do try to let people express themselves and so as long as its within the rules its usually ok.
Plus I dont actually think we need 'forum etiquette' I think most of the people on this site are here for support and or to support others and although sometimes their are arguements etc, we seem to work quite well the way we are. But thats just me!
I think you're right in a way, but I also think that a site as big as this, it kinda develops anyway. For example, we say "it's ok, post as much as you want to, we'll be here." but when people do, everyone complains about someone taking up too much board space.
Also, to the OP, don't bump up "zombie threads" (i.e. really old ones) apart from in Fun & Distractions because... well. Just because I guess
There isnt really much of an etiquette, until you break it, and all hell breaks loose. =)
Sarah: Give me the child.
Jareth: Sarah beware. I have been generous up till now. I can be cruel.
Sarah: Generous? What have you done that's generous?
Jareth: Everything! Everything you have wanted I have done. You asked the child be taken, I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations of me. Isn't that generous?
Its not something that we are trying to create liv its just something to happens when large groups of people spend time together. Social norms are never layed down by a person they sorta develop,
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
its always polite to shower the mods with compliments and write us songs and poetry about how awesome we are.
We also like cake.
It's not just mods you should do that to. It's always nice to shower the lovely members (mostly me) with complements, though I prefer biscuits....
Nah, just don't act ridiculous and most people will be nice to you.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
Well personally as a member i accept both cake and biscuits.i have a preference for the cake but both are very well tolerated!!
No, seriously [well i was being serious lol but...] i probably dont have much useful here to contribute as im not a greatful useful person but also i think most of its already been said.
i do want to say though my experience of RYL is that it is a very warm and friendly place.It took me a while perhaps to get to know people here though and stuff due to my own issues and the things i came with [not due to other people or the site] but im so glad i stuck with it.
i would also like to say though one very important i did find which i guess is something that applies to many things and that is the more i put into getting on with people on RYL, sharing with them, trying to support others when i could and the more i put into my actual recovery and realising this was going to be very hard work for me too then with all of that the more i have got from my experience of RYL and being here. The more i put in with all of it, quite simply the more i have got out of it.
ive met some really quite amazing people here and i include in that both many members and moderators alike [see it helps if you can just gently slip in a compliment like that just every now and again lol!] and who have really helped me generally so much.
Sometimes things may seem a bit unsettled but there are a lot of struggling people here and we get through it and generally no matter in the end it can be seen people often meant well even if they made a mistake, offended someone accidentally etc.
i would understand if you feel a bit lost [not sure if thats the wrong word] as a new member, someone who doesnt know someone well but please stick with it, please give it time and hopefully you will benefit like i have.And also please try to know we are here for you too.Just be who you are and as long as your not going out of the way to upset people or break rules im sure you will find friends here.
ive only ever found one or two here i havent got along too well with and id still even speak to them etc so im sure you'll find people you have things in common with etc, who will want to support you and be your friend.i hope so anyway.
And meanwhile if you ever want someone to talk to or you want to contact me go for it, im happy to listen to anyone anytime and i certainly wouldnt be judging you for ettiquette or anything like that!ive probably got far from it lol!
Take care and very best wishes.im sorry for all your going through.Things sound really rough and i hope that you still feel able to give RYL a chance.
And i hope it helps you as it often has me.
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
