Life after RYL and self harm aint easy but if i can do it then anyone can!*update11/10/09*
 

Seems there is life after RYL and self harm but boy, it aint easy!

Its around 2 months since i last drew blood. Prior to that it was about another 2 months. In the last 6 months ive probably cut 10 times and all of which have been pretty minor. This is an enourmous improvement for me. I still argue with walls however, but even that is becoming less and less.

I now have extra help to augment my therapy. I have a care worker who gets me out of the house and provides me with someone to just talk to and be normal with. I have also just started some CBT too to assist with the simple things in life i seem to find most difficult.

At the moment im sat at my friends house. Its only the second time in 3 years ive been here and seen them. My godson lives here and ive spent the weekend making Starwars Lego and pretending ive drunk a load of flies in my drink and i cant stop buzzing. (ahem long story):crazy:

Im am told and reminded to slow down and not get stressed. Im being taught to accept im ill and more importantly being taught how to tell others im illl without scaring them away.

I still find life hard. I still find that pretty much everythng i do is an effort. Its a struggle and i have to battle my thoughts but im winning the battle and im getting things done! Sure i have days where i still dont move, but i also have days where i do and its great!

Each day i seem to be able to entertain the thought of positivity a little more and each day the decision to be nice is becomming easier too.

A terrible self image still plagues me. I still havent a clue how to relate to the person others apparently see, however now rather than hating myself for that i have a genuine determination to find out how i can take those words on board and use them to get better.

I really want to get better now. I want to be happy. I want to be without fear. I want to like myself. I want to get better!

Like i have said its not easy. My god its the hardest thing for me ever. I find it hard to slow down and not get frustrated. Its bloody hard to accept i cant just "do things" but i want to and im going to!

One day ill take all ive learned and ill use it to help others. First im going to help myself.

Perhaps ill start cooking again someday. I want to learn to bake. I think id be pretty good at it.

Maybe, just maybe ill open a sanctuary for loons like us to come and bake and get mended. Ive always believed in the theraputic powers of a good cake!

I have no great qualities or strengths. Im not something special. I have no real secret. Im just changing and getting better.

If someone like me can get better then trust me when i say "so can you"!

Love

Matthew xxx:pengy:

Well done you :)

Well done for what? Writing a post without the word boobies in it you mean?

Thanks for that post Pengy even though it didnt say boobies it did say alot which helped me *hugs* and congratulations on how far you've come

am proud of you and so very pleased for you
much love xx

That too. First time for everything :p

:) you know what i think.

wanted to reply to this though and say its nice that you can acknowledge how far you've come and also nice to see you around here.

Take care lovely

xxx

Hello. :)

I can relate very much to what you've posted here.

awh Mavis.. im so proud of you!

I'm happy for you that you are doing so much better!

hey Pengy, it's wonderful to hear how far you've come. At times i worried about you, i always hoped we'd see a post like this from you, one day just became now. mand x

Am so proud of you :D

I'm really happy for you and it is good to see you around again :)

This has been lovely to read and brings up so many positive changes recently in your life.

Those small thoughts and changes is what makes everything that little bit better. You can do this.

I hope things continue to improve for you

Jane xx

Yay go you.
This post made me smile.
=]

That was a very sweet, inspirational post =).

I wish you the best of luck and love!

its really good to hear things are going better for you. really is an inspirtation to all of us. i am hoping you can get back to cooking good luck in all things to come

well done :-D i agree with what you have said (especially about the cake) and also encourage others to believe in themselves that they can break free from self harm. i was a self harmer from the age of 11, all through my teens. i was just turning 20 when i last cut. and i am now 22 so i agree it can be done! and i feel so much better for it xxx

This made me so happy to read! Good on you xx

Nice to hear you're doing well and feeling so much better