i cant take what he did to me.....
 

....he destroyed me, made me into someone i am not. and whats worse is he involved animals in the abuse. i went along with it cuz i was scared, but how sick is that? how sick am i? i dont want to live anymore, ive lived with this for over 10 years and it only gets worse. i cant deal with the flashbacks and nightmares, the psychiatric team dont listen, i cant get anyone else to help me as i live in a small town. everything is hopeless. my voices and what i see are getting worse, i cant sleep or eat properly. nothing is going right. people tell me time will heal, but thats not true. ive given it 10 years, nothing changes. only changes for the worse.

I am sorry about this post, i dont know what to say or do that is right. :crying:

Awh, hun. *HUGS*
I'm so sorry to hear that. Is there anyone else you could talk to about the nightmares and flashbacks? I know they can be very horrible. I know it's hard but you will get through this. *HUGS*
Take care. xo.

*cuddles*
Sweetie you are not sick you did it becase you were scared and thats ok. Its alright to be scared because what happened was wrong.
You have done nothing wrong it was him.
Is there noone else? Can you go to your doctor and tell them about the flashbacks and nightmares.

You might want to look at these threads for help with flashbacks:
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ad.php?t=32758

http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ad.php?t=82564

Take care love
x

Honey, it's not sick that you went along with things because you were scared. That in itself too is wrong on his part - he is the sick and bad one, not you at all.

Do you feel you can talk to us a little more about these flashbacks and nightmares? Could you write a letter or anything to your team, or GP, and see what can be done?

I know that sleeping and eating must seem like a massive task for you right now, sweetheart, but self-care is so so important. Even if you think you don't deserve it. Try and get into some routine of going to bed, and even treat yourself with something nice to eat, just to get your appetite back if needs be. I know how much it hurts, and how we think we don't deserve nice things after abuse - but you do and these times when you're really struggling are the times you should try and take extra special care of you.

If you ever need to talk to someone in private or just need a listening ear, my PM box is always open.

Look after you.