Wanting it
 

This is really hard for me to say, I don't know if I'm the only one or not, either. I also feel really bad just writing it here because I know that a lot of people reading this probably have been abused, as well, so if you are sensitive to reading things about it, please don't read this, I guess?

Anyway, I was in a relationship for years with a guy that was physically and mentally abusive to me. In my head, I know it's wrong.

But, now I'm with someone who is so amazing and wonderful to me. For some reason, though, even though I know it's wrong, like...I kind of feel like I want to be abused? :ermm::ermm: I don't know why. I know it's really wrong and irrational and probably somewhat cracked of me to want something like that, but I can't help it.
Anyone feel like this who's experienced abuse, or have any advice? THanks
xx.

makes sense... it;s sort of like we get "used" to the abuse... change can make us feel vulnerable, but repetition of what we know (even if what we know is bad) can make us feel secure...

I'm not explaining this well..

I understand, don't know what to say.

With more positive reletionships graderaully it becomes less of a need/thought

xxx

YES! I do know what you mean and I think it is quite common.
Especially if the abuse went on for a long time when that is taken away its really strange. I know I still want to be hurt so I can be punished. I guess you need to figure out what it is you want from being abused so then you can work through it.
Do you have anyone you can talk to?
x

I really can relate... *hugs*
Sorry I don't have any advice but please take care

Hey,
Do you think it could be because you were in that relationship for so long , that your confidence was put so low that you believed you deserved the abuse?
And also I agree with other people about the change , even if its a horrible situation, we do adapt to it, and miss it when things change

Hope I've helped
Em

Thanks for your responses everyone :) xx.

I'm not sure exactly, if I feel I deserve it. I mean, when i was in the relationship I deserved it, but now I'm out and with someone new. I guess sometimes I feel I've done certain things in the relationship to deserve it, but I think it's also a really comforting kind of thing? Even though it's abuse it comforts me and makes me feel more secure knowing that someone else has a certain level of control over me in that kind of way. I don't know, is that weird? :/ But, it wouldn't work with just anyone having control over me, like a best friend, it'd have to be a boyfriend...

Its not weird I understand what you mean! I just can't explain it >.<
x

Maybe you are quite submissive naturally, which in a way amplifies your "need" to be abused for the familiarality. Or maybe you're scared of trusting your boyfriend not to abuse you, because it leaves you vulnerable - you're expecting abuse to protect yourself from it hurting so much, if that makes sense.
I haven't been in this situation, I'm just throwing out suggestions.

It's actually quite common for victims of long term abuse to actually want abuse, in their next abuse free relationship.

Is there anyway that your boyfriend could have a level of control over you,without it hurting you physically?

Try talking to it with him, It's not that 'Strange' in terms of how people feel after something like that.

Hope you feel better, much love. <3

I understand what you mean and, judging from the responses above, it seems to be quite a common thing.
If your need is to be controlled, have you considered suggesting S&M or something similar? I mean, I don't know if you and your boyfriend would be into that or if it would satisfy your urges, but it would mean that you get to be controlled by someone else without anything 'abusive' actually going on.