Do i want it back?
 

I don’t know what it is, but I just can’t stop thinking about you. Every little thing reminds me of you, and it’s driving me insane. I thought I’d got over it, given up on the impossible dream, but it’s haunting me. The fact that I can’t be with you, I can’t be as happy as I know I would be with you, I can’t physically be in your arms, is driving me crazy.
I don’t suppose you want to hear this, and I’m sorry; I don’t particually want to be saying it either. No, I do. And that’s what I hate.
I want to be saying all these things to you, actually to you. Face to face, flesh to flesh, breath to breath.
I fell for you a long time ago, almost three years now, and I still feel it. The twinge I get every time I think about you is still there. I never said it half as much as I should’ve at the time, but... I love you.

I want to be back in that place, that deep dark, comforting place. I want back my dangerous security, my ticking time bomb. I want it all back.
Bones, Blood, it all. It makes me happy. Makes me feel. Makes me ill?
I’m seeing people, I hear them talk to me when no-one else can. There’s two of them, smartly dressed with briefcases and they’re telling me to jump. That I have to jump. But I don’t know where from, or what they mean. I’m not suicidal, I just miss it all.

I feel like I’m going crazy. Maybe I am? Please tell me I’m not. Someone, tell me I’m not crazy.

Crazy
Crazy
Crazy.

Like they used to imply.

Hun,
you're not going crazy. *HUGS*
I don't know what advice to give you, but we're always here. xo.

Sweetie you are not going crazy but you need to talk someone who can help you. You don't have to deal with this on your own. If you don't have anyone you think you can talk to go to your doctor they can get you the help you deserve.
*cuddles*
take care of yourself sweetie
xx