lost everything
 

:-( Ben finished with me on wednesday :-(

i knew it would happen as soon as i let myself fall for him. it all happened out of the blue, we didnt even have an arguement. as far as i was concerned everything was going really well. i had passed my driving test the day before and was enjoying my newly gained freedom. i had my new full time job lined up and i was planning on moving in with him in the near future.

but then bang, nothing is the same anymore. couldnt be more different.

things were just starting to look up. my self harm was slowly becoming more under control and i was starting to be able to deal with my mood swings and work out my cycle more than i have ever been able to before. now i havnt just fallen back to how i was before, ive fallen far deeper.

ive gone back to my old habits. ive gone back to drinking in access everyday, smoking and the self harm and pain killer dependency is just completely out of control.

im putting on a brave face because i want him back. i cant show him how much im hurting. ive beeb hurt by guys before but none as badly as this. i gave him my all and hid nothing from him. he was my rock and i thought i was his too. i loved him. i still do. even now i cant hate him for leaving me. i just cant stop loving him.

i dont want to be here anymore. i dont want to live with the fact that im never going to get him back. i cant live without him :'(

Hunni, i cant say much right now, i'm in the middle of classes, but i just want you to know I love you, and you can do this. xxxx

i love you tiff.
im sorry you had to find out how much i was hurting this way.

xxxx i love you

Its okay hunni, i have 5 mins left online, but i'll text you if you want
*hugs*
I'm always here.

Love you lots *squish*
xx

oh, and dont read my post. You dont need to worry about me

Love x

have to get off the internet. x

its hard when you break up with someone youve been dating long term. and of course something like this is liable to send you spinning. but were here for you. thats what this site is about. feel free to vent all those feeling here.
im sorry you had to go through this. i hope you start feeling better soon. you can pull it all together again.
take care
annie

*cuddles* im here hun anytime
theres not much i can say atm hun im sorry
but i love you and take care hun
XXXXXXXX