I'm not ok
 

dissociating quite badly.

triggered.

shaking.

scared.

close to tears.

flashback.

the people who posed as my friends at school, they 'took' my money every afternoon for sweets. every day at secondary school.

then he. the one who hated me. him too.

bullies.
am scared.

I need to retain my integrity and sense of personal choice.

the past is not now, but it feels like it right now.

am so close to crying right now.

need help coming back to present.

its safe now, isn't it?

I'm going to hide for a while.

katherine it will be ok, just try and regroup its safe and im here if you need anything
xxx

Thanks Paperdreams for the hug... It means a lot.

And Nat, your thoughts and understanding means a lot too. I am doing a bit better now, calmer.

Calmer is always good - do you know what triggered you? Take care and make sure you take some you time
xxxx

I'm glad to hear you're feeling calmer sweetie. It's in the past, it can't hurt you now. You are safe. It'll be okay.
*squidge*

Hey sweetie, I'm sorry you feel so terrible right now. Sounds like you should let your body and mind rest! Things will get better sweetie, just hang in there. If you need anything Pm me.

Just to let you know that i'm thinking of you. Hold on and stay safe,
Claire x

Thanks everyone.

I'm a tad embarressed about what triggered me, but my feelings are/were very real. I can contain it though. Just a bit wary now. I slept well last night which helped. I did have dreams with bullies in [nothing really new. I get dreams like that periodically.] but I'll write them out and work through it.
I'm feeling a bit spaced out today. First time I've had a real rest in... a long time... and with my flatmates back, it feels .. different.

How are you feeling now? Sorry I didn't se this till now, hope you're ok.

Hi Nikki. I'm doing a lot better now. Reality checking always helps, and I've started back at therapy too. So I'm feeling far more human again...

*big squish*
Hold on chuck!
xxx

Thanks. :)