lost and confused...
 

I am so lost and confused I don't even know what to write here. I just know I need some serious help. I just got out of the hospital on Friday (today is Tuesday.) I was in the hospital because I tried to kill myself. I came really close to succeeding, too. I don't remember much after I got to the ER, but apparently I went into a non-responsive coma and had no reflexes. I don't know exactly how long I was comatose, but I eventually woke up, much to my dismay. So after 2 weeks inpatient, I was released and came back to my mom's house. I moved in here back in April. I simply cannot stand being here any longer. These people are driving me crazy! I was down to cutting only about once a week, but now I am cutting every day again. Sometimes even twice a day! I told the people who work with me (they are sort of like a team of therapists I see every day) that I want to move out. So they are going to help me find a place I can go. But they aren't sure I can live on my own again. They think it will create too much stress. But I can't stay here. They offered to take me to a group home or something of the kind, but I don't really want to do that. I would have to leave my dog (who is my life) and I wouldn't have as much freedom. Plus, I just dont think I would be comfortable living with a bunch of strangers. So I just don't know what to do. I think it would be so much better if I would have just died... I hate my life.
I'm sorry to just dump all this... I just don't know what to do or how to even make it through another day here...

Are they offering you any follow up support from your time in hospital, other options aside from the group home? What kind of support do you get from the therapists you see - are they helping you address the suicidal thoughts?

deja - vu !!!

how u feeling now

rely
 

Yeah, I am getting some support. I am in a program called CTT (community Treatment Team) It's a group of mental health workers that come to my house on a daily basis. They also drive me around and take me places. They help quite a bit. But I am still having a hard time dealing. I am such a loser! And they don't know where else I could stay if I'm not willing to go to the group home or stay here. I'm just screwed...:sad:

I'm still feeling real bad. I am having a real hard time coping. I want so badly to just cut up my whole body... I've only made small cuts so far, though. Quite a few of them, but it's not as bad as I would like it to be.

i really donno what to say...
i know there isnt alot i can say to make it better.~
please try kep distracted to prevent yourself from harming yourself x