Feeling insecure, lonely, confused and sad
 

My girlfriend is going to be moving to my town, something we're looking forward to after two years of a loooong-distance relationship. The phone calls we make everyday have become more and more difficult as time has gone on, and I really hope it's just because talking on the phone is getting old (and not because we're drifting apart).

I'm worried that we are, though. I'm also getting emotionally chaotic because I can't seem to express my emotions well. Either I stick them too deeply (where they start to go rotten) or I start spilling them out inappropriately. I really need the emotional connection with her, and it seems like I can't have it.

It's really frustrating. I sometimes hate being male, because along with the anatomy comes the idea that I shouldn't express weakness, tears, or insecurity. God...

I'm struggling to stop smoking. I could stop, but I keep going back and grabbing a pack of cigarillos or bumming a cigarette from someone. Everyday is incredibly stressful, I'm beginning to feel that everything in my life is a struggle, even things like walking and breathing and everything.

I can see how this is virtually spelling out depression and borderline pd, but I really don't want to be that way. I just want to be happy and have a good relationship.

I just feel worthless and insecure and I'm just not sure what to do.

This sounds a bit cliched, but journalling can really really help - it gives you a safe space to find words for your feelings.

i agree
you can even write down your feelings and then rip up the paper (it can really releasr the emotion).
try to work out who you feel safe talking to about your feelings and letting them in on certain things- like a filter.
never be ashamed of showing weakness- it makes us human.
take care
*hugs*
PM me anytime