slipping and losing everything.
 

so my life?

*im going through the whole 'should i tell him i love him or not'?
pathetic huh?
thing is the guy im in love with and have been in a relationship with for 8 months is, yes 12 years older than me. also, my mums fiance's brother.
hmm. older brother.
some great secret huh?
*i posted a thing the other day saying this thursday is 2 years since i was raped.
so yeh, this is no doubt just another attention seeking post.
*but i was sorting out cds and stuff earlier and came across a blade i hid ages ago. id totally forgotten about it.
but i just left it there cos i feel so weak right now.
but i know its there, and its so hard.
*ive got my mums wedding coming up so i know i cant cut and let it be seen,
but with all the scars on my arms im triggered to cut there.
*i need to get rid of them. right now.
*i keep thinking of places i can cut, maybe my stomach, or legs?
but theres no space with all the lines already.
and T will see. and i'll no doubt lose him.
*but i would just be able to deal with this so much better, you know?
im going all shakey and everything and can barely type this.
i can still feel Him, smell Him. taste Him. i keep getting flashbacks of it happening and i cant cant cant get it out of my head.
i can feel His hands on me. all over me.
pinning me down. litterally ripping my trousers and knickers.
and i feel so so dirty.

im eating now cos i need smething to do with my hands.
but im guna get fat again.

it also doesnt help i work around medicines etc.
ive od'd many times before.

What would help you to feel safe?

Anniversaries are hard, anniversaries of any trauma.

You're not dirty, he made you feel that way. What he did was wrong.

Try and be extra gentle to yourself right now, you deserve that extra bit of tlc.