Cut
 

Cut

grows more and more
To stop it I do the only thing I know how,
I find the razor
and put it to my skin.
I slowly drag it across,
feeling nothing but seeing red
Relief comes quick and I can relax
depending on the day
I may do it once or twice
even up to four times
I know what I am doing is dangerous
but I need it
It takes away the pain and anger
it leaves me feeling calm and happy
at least until something else goes wrong

I'm not really sure how to get more than one poem on one thread and not make it too long so I will make the next 2 as a reply........


Sweet Release

I may seem happy
I may seem calm,
but on the inside there's something else
it's growing and getting harder to resist
there's only one way to stop it.
After 4 years I know exactly what to do
The key to relief is in my room,
hidden from prying eyes.
When I'm alone I go and get it.
Slowly I drag it across my skin
bring a sweet release as well as red.
Sometimes it takes more than others
but still,it keeps the feelings at bay.
I clean up and put it away until next time
I pull down my sleeve or pant leg
hiding the scars.
Hoping, praying no one will find out
it's my way to live, my sweet release.
No one knows how I survive
I'll keep it a secret for as long as possible
Away from prying eyes
My own sweet release

Ok my last one for now......

untitled

My leg and arm bare the scars of a shameful secret,
After 4 years they got deeper
Not painful but deeper
As of February 15,2008, it's been 10 days since I cut
I've made it longer
about a month and a half before things went south.
During the 10 days I made it through a rough week.
Barley any sleep, my parents constantly on my case
and finding out my nurse practitioner was moving to California.
As much as I wanted to,
I made it through without a new scar.
To many more weeks like this
and I'm not sure I'll make it
but making it through this one brings hope
I have the welcome help of an Aunt, a friend from marching band, a friend or two from school and a wonderful Guidance Counselor
My nurse practitioner is there for me to,
but she is leaving in a little over a month.
I have a therapist
but she doesn't help as much as the others.
I still have a long road ahead of me
but with the help of friends and some family
I'm sure I can make it through
The scars will be there for a while
and my memories for longer
but the nervousness of someone finding out is gone
making my recovery one step easier