So this is life for me now!!! GRAFFIC!
 

I am at uni and I do a course which is very practical, I have a tool kit which is full of knives and blades and other extremely harmful tools! I have been around them all week just wanting too cut wanting too be free from the stress and pain! I don't want to live like this! I emptied my bag today and out came all my tools. I held my knife in my hand for an hour just thinking about the release!
I have been free for about two months but it has been two months of thinking about it. It is never going to be easy working around knifes and stuff seeing it everyday. Being tempted everyday wanting the freedom that cutting gives me. I just don't want the scars. I can't have the scars because I am being a slut at the moment. I am sleeping with a man (I am actually a lesbian) just because I can. I am at his beck and call I got woken up this morning at 2am him asking me if he could come and pick me up because his girlfriend wasn't there. I don't care about the sex I don't care if he is using me! It is my new form of self harm using my body. My friends says he is using me but it is really the other way round. While we are having sex I ain't thinking about cutting. As soon as we stop I am and I continue too until we do it again!
I am obsessed with sex atm. I have never downlaoded so much porn. I don't think about cutting when I am watching porn! You would think by 23 I would have stopped looking at soo much porn!
I want too cut so much. I want the release the blood brings. I want to feel it dripping down my arm. I don't want to be thinking about it! I would rather be doing it!
Bee

Despite having really bad urges, there is obviously something that is holding you back from cutting, something in your mind that knows it isn't a healthy thing to be doing. You're showing a lot of strength and self control right now by resisting the urges to do it and I think that's something you should be proud of. Being two months free is also something you should be really proud of. Right now it must be hard because you're still very focussed on SIing and it probably seems like this is going to be the case forever. But this does pass, you won't always be so fixated on SIing and it won't always be the first and last thing on your mind. It might take some time to pass and I can understand how frustrating that is, because it makes you feel as though you should just give in to it, but give yourself some time and things will change. There must be some kind of reason that you decided to stop in the first place, so try reminding yourself of that and remember why you want stop SIing.

It sounds a little like you've replaced sex with SIing, and although you're not physically hurting yourself anymore, please be careful because using sex in this way could end up making you feel hurt. It might help to find a different release for your emotions - try writing down how you feel, talking to people about and working through the causes of what you're feeling.
Take care
xxx