I can't manage myself AND I WANT OUT!
 

Managing myself is turning into a nightmare. I have to make sure I get enough sleep otherwise I'm too emotional. I have to make sure I take my meds everyday without fail. I have to make sure I don't have any caffeine because it makes me really cranky. I can't read anything that might "trigger" me even though the stuff that triggers me is the stuff I'm desperate to read because then I might finally find someone who can think like I do. I have to make sure I'm not too emotional when I talk to my family or they'll ask too many questions -- questions I don't want to answer. How can I to do all that and be a responsible adult, a good mom, and work? I CAN'T DO THIS AND I WANT OUT! I JUST WANT TO BE NOT. I CANNOT DO THIS BUT IT WILL NEVER STOP! THE REST OF MY LIFE I'LL HAVE TO MANAGE MYSELF AND I CAN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You learn as you go, and it does get easier. At least it is in my experience.

Hi there Hon,
You sound alot like me, I am constantly worrying about every other bloody thing around me. constantly juggling and feeling like I just can't keep going like this, but what choice do I have. I'm trying real hard to stop being my own worst enemy but it is so hard. I've been like it since i was little and even though I know i'm killing myself, my brain has trained itself to constantly think ahead. It's a nightmare. I find that painting helps me because it allows me to relax and centre myself, to concentrate my thoughts on one thing at a time. It may help if you can find something for yourself.

You can do it hun and you will. Things will get easier once the support you have started getting starts to make a difference. In the mean time, lean on us and let us give you as much support as we can *hugs* x

As these things become habit you won't notice them anymore.

I have to take a lot of antidepressants every morning. Then I have the one to take in the evening but that's too easy to forget because I don't have an evening routine.
If I don't get enough sleep I get mean. If I have too much caffeine my hands shake which means my sewing is not as accurate as it should be for a professional seamstress. I don't know how much I can have and not have my hands shake. I now have to wear a long sleeve sun shirt when I go out. And I live in So. Cal. so that means year round.

I guess my point is that I understand. I've been and still am where you are. These things you have to do to take care of yourself will become routine.