So I haven't been here for a while...
 

...and I feel terrible for posting, but I don't know where else to go/who else to go to/what to do, so here it is.
Only a few of you will know this: I was raped repeatedly from age 13 - 16 by my best friend. I'm not over this but I have had some rape therapy so I am not quite as PTSD-esque as I was.
Then the week before my birthday I heard a knock on my door. I thought it was someone coming to read my gas meter;they told me they would be coming that week so I went down to open the door. It was the guy I mentioned above, and as you can imagine, it happened again. Like, I genuinely thought that part of my life was over. But yeah.
Then two weeks ago I went on a date that my father's friend had set up. We had a lovely evening, ended up in the pub and then we got an Indian and went back to his. Now don't get me wrong - I WAS drunk - but not in a terrible state, I was conscious and coherent and capable of saying no. We ate then I went to bed alone, nothing happened, and then I woke up and his hand was over my mouth and he was having sex with me. At first I thought it was a dream so I just tried to wake myself up, it took me a few minutes to realise it wasn't and by then he was pretty much done (excuse my crudeness). I said I wanted to go home and he asked me if he had freaked me out and if I thought he was weird. Like, what?!
Anyway, yeah. That isn't rape because like f*ck is that happening to me again. I haven't anywhere near dealt with what happened before, this would kill me.
I'm not really sure what I want to gain from posting this, but if you have gotten this far, thank you.
x

Hey lovely,
I'm really sorry that it keeps happening and you 'can't' seem to be getting away from it. What did you reply when he asked about it when it had finished? How are you feeling? Is there anyone you can talk to about this happening to you again? X

I'm sorry you had to deal with that especially when your still trying to deal with past trauma. What happened was rape, do you think you might be trying to dismiss it because if you admit it was then it becomes more real? Is there someone you can talk to about what has happened? Like a counsellor or someone else. Please be gentle with yourself. Take care
Kat xxx

I feel sorry for that. Why didn't you go to the police ?