Don't know what's wrong with me
 

I don't know what's going on with me but I feel so messed up lately... These past few months have sucked, I lost my grandfather last month and my depression has gotten worse. The other day I got a speeding ticket when I was going with the flow of traffic. I'm not sure why but I didn't enjoy my birthday. I feel horrible for saying that but I didn't get to spend much of it with my parents. I haven't been feeling well but keep avoiding going to the drs. I stopped seeing my therapist because she was making me feel suicidal and am on a sort of waiting list to see someone else. I'm stressing because this is my last semester of school and I want to do well. As for my self injury it hasn't been that great. I had to get stitches last month (After my grandfathers death) and managed to not cut until today. Today I am not feeling well and my anxiety is through the roof. In between the cutting I did something else to hurt myself and it scares me that I did. I nearly broke my arm. After I got the ticket I got angry and upset so I just start hitting my arm. I went to the ER because it was hurting horribly and I told everyone I tripped on the last step and went into the railing....Not 100% sure the ER staff believed me but they were all really nice.It took 4 people reading the x-ray to tell me it wasn't fractured because there was something suspicious (still have no clue what it was). I haven't been talking to anyone on a regular basis and I think that's messing me up.

That's a lot to deal with and I'm sorry you are struggling. How are you feeling today? Can you ask how far on the waiting list you are, because it really sounds like you need to talk to someone. I don't have much useful advice, but I just wanted to send hugs and let you know you are not alone.x

Thank you.. all my psychiatrist told me was it could take months to see someone... Today has been a hard day but I'm trying hard to deal with it healthily. I decided to start seeing a counselor on campus for now and it was nice talking to her today

Unfortunately it can take a while being referred to see someone, and I'm guessing it's the same in your country. I'm glad you're trying to deal with these feelings healthily. Could you maybe write it down, to vent and let it out? Do you have close friends you can be around, to distract yourself, even if it's just for a little while, like going for a coffee? Talking to the counselor on campus sounds a good step and I do hope it helps.x