my motivation has gone. please help
 

I feel so sad.

I was doing so well with my recovery. its been two years now. i loved my running and i started to love food!!

but then in one day i managed to completely flip and HATE everything in my fridge and HATE my body. even though i looked in the mirror and thought i looked ok. i miss my bones.

It is so stupid. cause although i missed it before, i was able to control those feelings and push them aside. but now i can't

i am split. i know that i could just carry on my recovery but for the first time in ages i don't want to. its making me so sad. it was so easy when i was happy with me.

yesterday i felt sick, and ill from not eating and i hated it. but food repulsed me. and i remembered how hard it is to be anorexic, at first, and how ill and useless i was when i was ill. I DON'T WANT THAT!!!
why can't I eat :(

i need my motivation back. but just don't care. i feel like a huge swollen whale.

:(

Hey love, I'm sorry you've been so long without an answer.

I'm sorry you feel so down right now. I wonder if you know what has triggered these feelings? It might be worth thinking about, as often although it seems that the urges and anorexic thoughts come from nowhere, something usually has happened to bring them back, even if it's a little thing.

You sound like you do have some motivation and good reasons for stopping, but that you aren't managing to convince yourself, in a way. This may be a hard time, but you can get through it into easier times again. Do you remember feeling low before, and what motivated you then?

I'm sure you're not a huge swollen whale love. But I know that it may feel that way, not necessarily because that's what you see.

Take care,

Ailsa xxx

On your mirror, wright everything you like about yourself, inside and out.
You'll be reminded of what's special about you. :)
Hope I help!