positive
 

After all the **** that i've put myself through lately I realise it has to stop. I am making myself small, achievable tasks I need to fulfill every day I am here in London. I have realised I am not ready to go back to Edinburgh. I need to get well if N and I have a chance and I need to get better for myself or I will never leave this 'place' of despair and self destruction. This week I have been doing a detox diet with my sis- no bread, or dairy, lots of fruit. It may seem silly for someone with eating problems to do this but actually I am eating more than before, I'm not fasting, I feel 'safe' because I know everything I am eating is good for me. I look healthier. I also got my eyebrows threaded- I don't really go in for cosmetic stuff but I felt like a non-drastic change would be good. The detox ends on Friday so my tasks for the week to follow are:

1) Eat properly but in a way and amount that I am comfortable with. Refuse snacks if they will make me guilty but don't deny myself food when I am hungry.

2) drink at least 3 glasses of water a day and one of fruit juice. DO NOT obsessively count the calories in fruit/juice.

3) Exercise. Today I took my little sis to the park for an hour and a bit. It was healthy and fun and made us both smile. I am less anxious here, so I should use that to my advantage.

4) Write something. A Haiku, a poem, a paragraph, even one creative line. But write something.

you are amazing! This is good. You are inspiring me to try harder for myself. Best wishes! and please let us know how its going!

Doll, you are fantastic! xxx

Decided I want to move to Amsterdam and do a Masters next September. The course looks perfect for my interests. and is a ****load cheaper than any I can do here.