Someone sit with me please?
 

The anniversary of a trauma is approaching & I feel sick. I've been trying to keep it together so no-one saw how bad I'm feeling, but last night I just burst out crying & now my girlfriend knows I'm upset. She doesn't know why. I can't tell her. I feel so sick. I want her to know, but it'll hurt her & I can't risk that.

I don't know what to do, I'm too scared to go outside, but she's gone to get me food I'm shaking. I keep looking & talking to my rats to take my mind off it but nothing's working. I keep getting urges to stab myself to get rid of that horrible feeling in my stomach or to take loads of tabs to make me throwup until it's gone, but I can't. My body is too weak to even move to get anything to hurt myself. I generally dissociate through this kind of stuff but today I'm here through it all.

I wanna tell my girlfriend to call the doctor for me, but what's the point?

Just need a hand.

I heard you *hugs*

Do you have any kind of mental health support? It would really be worth speaking to/seeing a Dr if you can work it out, as they may be able to give you some extra support/medication to get you through the weekend. Does your girlfriend know nothing of the trauma?
:hug:

thank you. she knows, but doesn't know when it happened. I don't want to talk to her about it tho, you know? :sad:

I know, I know how hard it is to put that on another person but try thinking of it this way-- you say it will hurt her to know what an awful day for you is coming up BUT it will hurt her a hell of a lot more if you hurt yourself because you couldn't talk to her about it...

Can you at least just tell her you are struggling at the moment, and ask if you can do something nice together over the next few days so that you will have some support/company? Even if it's just watch a funny DVD or go for a coffee?

If there is anything I can ever do to help please don't hesitate to pm me, I'm on here every day (*sad* lol) and I do understand a little of what you are going through.

Take care xx

Thank you. I really do appreciate you taking the time to listen & reply. Really does help :) xx