I honestly don't know what I expect from this
 

but if I don't do something, anything, right now, it's going to kill me.

I haven't been this close to suicide idealation or thoughts of self harming for ages. For some reason I remember it being easier when I was self-harming. Maybe I just don't belong on RYL any more. Maybe this is pointless. I want to believe it's pointless. But obviously there's some part of me that doesn't want to feel like this or I wouldn't be posting.
I don't know what I want from this post. I honestly have no idea. Just make it stop.

I think, when you wander away from self harm for a while, it becomes easy to fantasie about it. To wrap your mind up in how safe and comfortable things felt when you did it. But, in reality, I dont think it ever was like that. I mean, if it was so good, would you have ever thought to look on the internet for others and in so doing so found this site?

Sometimes, I find that it is easy, to want to drift back into old ways. Changes is mega scary as is facing the unknown. But change can also be good, as can facing new challenges and coming away victorious.

In truth Chels, I dont know what is happening with you at present. But you dont have to go back into old habits. You broke apart from it once and you can do it again. Can you give more information on what is happening at present? Or even, think, was there anything or anyone who helped last time you felt like this?

I agree with what Bitter Angel said. When we get away from old habits, we tend to idealize them - or at least, I know I do.

I don't know what's going on with you, but try to remember that you are a strong, wonderful person who has come so far already! And that all of us care and are here for you. Stay safe, dear <3

stay safe. sorry this is not a helpful post, just felt wrong reading and not saying something. take care.

Kim said it much better than I could have, Chels.
Can you explain a bit more?
I know you are in a high-stress career...has something happened there to re-start these feelings?
What does returning to harming mean for you?
An escape? (from what?)
A release? (from what?)
Continuity of some sort?
Here if I can help at all, ok?
thinking of you
xxx

Sendinglots of cuddles

Wondering how you are?
xxx

I think that anyone who has had SI in their lives belongs on this site because it will always be a part of us. I don't mean that we will always SI just that it has become a part of our lives, especially those of us who are that bit older.

I know how you feel and how it feels to want it to stop. I don't know how to make it stop other than trying to carry on with life and wait for it to go away.

how you feeling now chels? <3

I <3 You!

Can you update Chels? xx