I might be slipping back into hold habits
 

I'm close to two and a half years free of SI, and I've gone even longer without feeling suicidal. But, lately I'm feeling like I might be slipping back. The thing is, I'm transgender. I'm a boy, but my body is female and people socialise with me as if I was a girl. They use my legal name and female pronouns. I understand that, because I haven't actually told anybody. But even if I did, I would still be troubled by it.
I can't get undressed or have a shower without getting a wave of dysphoria over me, and it doesn't feel like it's ever going away. I can't really be without feeling dysphoric it seems. I might have a somewhat masculine face, but my body is nothing but, and it's really hurting me.
If I can't figure out a way to get better, I'll slip back. I'm at a point where I'm actually considering SI again, and suicide as become a way out. I'll think "well, if something goes wrong, I can just end it and it will be fine."

This isn't good. The only thing holding back at this point is the pride of actually managing to get over it, but I'm not sure how long that is going to last. I don't know what to do. It doesn't help that my mother has decided that the trans thing is a phase and I just need to change my mindset. Well, I've tried and it doesn't work that way.

I don't know what to do.

Hey! I don't really have much advice for you other then you should try and speak to a therapist about all of this because it seems like you are having a difficult time at the moment. I know it seems like cutting and suicide is the best option, but it isn't. Feel free to PM me anytime if you ever want to talk. Take care and stay safe. :)

i agree that talking to a therapist or councelor sounds like a good idea. i'm sorry i don't really know anything else to help..... but suicide or self harm won't make anything better

I guess you guys are right.
I don't think it's possible for me to see a councelor at this point, but I think I'll might go talk to the nurse about it. Maybe she would be able to help me.

I feel the same way right now and I'm afraid I'm going to start again :( I dont know what to do