Dunno what to do anymore...
 

I can't sleep worth a damn anymore... I get to sleep between midnight and 1 and start a series of waking and sleeping from around 2-230 and on average wake up 6 time a night (for no apparent reason) before my alarm goes off at 630 am...
I'm practically only awake enough to work because I get coffee from the shop next door before work in the mornings that I can barely drag myself there... I know that the sleep disruption isn't because of too much caffeine because of the fact I hardly drink any unless I need to... Of this week I had 2 coffees and 2 hot chocolates in the mornings (alternating days) and the days were fairly the same.
I feel disconnected from myself about half the time and the rest of the time I feel like I'm going to just break down.
I've been keeping my thoughts mostly in check... ie even when I feel like not eating or like I need to harm I ignore it and keep on about my day.
But then I was "okay" for about 4 years before I started plummeting back to where I am now... 4 years of not being plagued by SI or an ED. It's not that those voices weren't there but they were quieter and I could ignore them or drown them out with other things and now everything else gets drown out most of the time.
And now that I need some kind of coping mechanism... I'm at a loss. I quit smoking so no stress relief there... I don't drink much out of a fear of becoming an alcoholic like my father's side of the family is so prone to being. My creativity for the most part is dried up and drought like. I refuse to cut (for a few reasons... a promise I made and fear I'll go to far and die, alongside my husband finding out about it being the main ones right now). ..

I just don't know anymore. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm drowning on dry land.

I'm sorry... I know that's a lot of different crap to have sat and read through... I just had to say something...

Have you thought about going to the doctors to see if they could prescribe you something to help you sleep? xx

I agree with the above poster, if it's disrupting your life this much then you should make an appointment with your doctor. Take care
Kat xxx

I have just spotted your post and had to reply - even though it meant becoming a member of RYL at 3 in the morning! When i read what you had written, I had to look around for hidden cameras, that convinced was I that somone was writing about me (apart from the coffee part, yuck!)

I am sorry you are having such trouble lately. Being in the same boat as you, I don't have any advice for you.... but i thought it might make you feel a bit better to know that by writting your post, you have made somone who is as close to harming as they have been in 4 years feel slightly less alone, slightly more sane, and slightly less likely to make any rash decisions.... and I hope that is enough to make you stop and smile :-)

I just wanted to say first that it sounds like you've actually come a long way; four years is excellent.

*Ahem* ;)

Insomnia is insidious, and as debilitating as any chronic illness. I don't really have anything to add beyond what the others have said, but I've been there, and I empathize. *hugs* It's a bad thing to have to get adjusted to dealing with; I hope you have access to some sort of support or help.

Rowie(?) and Kat~ Still working on getting a doctor... so an rx is out atm...
Kristy ~ 5 yrs recovered for me... Why just now joining? Not that I should be talking I was quite the lurker myself :) It does make me feel a wee bit better though... Glad I could help in a small way... As awful at talking I usually am, I'm a great listener if ya need one :)
Gabriel~ At least its Friday now... I'm finding that a glass of wine before bed helps me only wake up once or twice in the night....

Have you tried any kind of over the counter sleep medicine, or anything like that? To be honest I never got much relief from them, but others swear by them.

Hokey as I suppose it sounds, I did get some help out of relaxation therapy, especially meditation. I'd be lying if I said I never got any help out of a drink before bed, though. :)