Made a plan
 

Ive made two suicide plans, for next week.

Plan number one: I cant see myself doing.

Plan number two: I can do and will probabaly fail and end up blind.

Both involve me going somewhere because boyfriend doesnt want me to try in his house.

Im just to confused with thoughts, voices, depression and i cant see another way out of this mess. If i took meds, i would still have a lot of "psychosocial" problems, so yeah. Im screwed.

I dont know what to do . :crying:
Thanks for reading x

Hun you need to be strong and tell someone about this. Even if you don't think your plans are going to work it sounds like youre not doing well and need some help to keep you safe. (Random as well but I'm actually blind and you don't want that, blind and psychosis is not good) Can you call your cpn? If your boyfriend doesn't want you to do anything in his house could you try staying there?
Hugs, please take care of yourself

Hey bear,
my cpn is on holiday and i think she comes back in a week.
my support worker is also on holiday but comes back on monday.

i have crisis team numbers though and theres always a and e.

I just dont trust myself when he goes to work. I actually living at his (and his parenets) at the minute as i dont have anywhere else to live.

I just cant see things getting any better?
xxxx

Honey call the crisis team or a and e, thats what they're there for! Things will get better i know it doesnt seem like it at the moment but they will

Its horrible when things are bad and people are on holiday *hug* In the day time when he's at work, could you visit any friends or just be around people? I would definitely phone your crisis team, they should be able to give you some support while your cpn's away and don't be afraid to go to a&e if you need to, thats what they're there for.
Keep yourself distracted and keep safe
xxx

Please call the crisis team or go to A&E.

*hugs*

i think i might have to. The thing tahts putting me off doing plan number two is that ive been feeling really sick so i dont think id be able to do it.

I just dont want to go in hospital again. I cant see how any of my problems are going to get better :/

i dont trust myself, im going to just do it soon and it scares me. but i really want this??


thanks xxx

Call the crisis team or go to A&E. Right now.

I understand how it feels to not be able to see a way out, and to feel that there's no hope. But that's not the case. Not until you've tried every combination of medication and therapy out there, every alternative therapy, every experimental treatment, can you say you've got no hope. Mental illnesses are treatable. That's not to say it will go away, but you can get to a point where you can live a happy life despite it.

You might want this today. But one day you will look back and be thankful that you lived.

Hi sarah.

I understand what you mean, but some how brain doesnt allow me to think and agree with it.

I just dont know anymore x

At the end of the day, if you're feeling that low, then you're not in a fit state to think about it rationally. You need somebody to look after you. Get help.

My plan is for wednesday, when everyone is out.


I will ring steve( support worker) tomorrow when hes off back from holiday, and tell him. I didnt want to go in hospital but reconsidered because maybe i will get more help while im in.

I just feel really unsafe. I think i want more help which is why id do plan number two, rather than plan one which would pretty much work in two seconds. i have just mixed the two.

I will call steve tomorrow morning, or text him now and he can ring me tomorrow. I have no idea. I am just so lost and feel so low.

I dont know.

I will tell you all what he says, or what is going to happen.

In fact i will text him now and he will ring me tomorrow morning i think.

Thank you all xx

Please make sure you speak to Steve hun. Thinking of you!

Please do all that you can to get help, I know the feeling well. Keep us updated. If there is anything I can do let me know.

Ammiiiii, wednesday?! Dont you dare, come see me or ill come be with you.

x

Listen to Rebecca please.

Stay safe!

Steve didnt ring/text back but michelle my cpn rang and said she will come on wednesday, so he probabaly told her. I will see steve . I was tempted to tell michelle i was busy but i didnt see the point really.

thanks xxx

Hope you're okay sweets *Hugs* xx

ami.
i told you already.
wednesday
i will text you.
if you dont reply
i will ring you
if you dont answer
i will come find you.

i'm not going to let you die because i care about you.

i know things must be tough. i know you want out. i do. i reckon a hell of a lot of us here also do.
but nobody wants each other to die. i do not want you to die.
and like rebecca said.
we'll come see you.
we'll go do something?
anything.

i know life is utterly ****.
but you have to keep going cos theres a chance it MIGHT not always be that way and you HAVE to try and keep going to see if it does work out.

''per aspera ad astra''
''to the stars through difficulties.'' : )
keep going.

xxxxx

I hope you're alright. There is other options. *hugs* You can get through this, honest. Hope you're alright. xo.

My nurse is coming round at wednesday at 1pm, so yeah. Thank you becca and becca and katie and everyone else who has replied.

I will probabaly fail anyways. i will see what steve suggests tomorrow and michelle says on wednesday.
x