Damnation. [Story]
 

This is virtually my life right now, a real life story expressed in words.



“I just want to die” the girl whispered as a friend asked her what she wanted. ‘That’s all nothing else just to end it all’ she thought as she shrugged off more of her friends questions. No longer could she sustain the energy to wear the mask and she’s already let anorexia win and now it had finally seeped all around her body. The once outgoing, happy person she was has gone and is behind closed curtains the only smiles now are the ones emitted when the scales say she’s lost another kilo. Her days are spent fussing over foods and how many calories are in some. Slowly she pushes everyone away and eventually four are left, two know what’s going on and one, one is on the verge of leaving her too. Days pass in a dizzying blur as she continues to hold onto the delicate string of ribbon that’s her only connection to life and somehow she stays there, on the brink of death, a force is saving her from her own damnation.

wow id love to read more xxx

That's such an emotive piece of writing, I'd love to read more too.

This bit isn't extremely long, its more the start out..
I need advice as to whether to keep going like this, or re do it..

She walked off with her friend staring blatantly at her, obviously peeved at their latest encounter. She just ignored her; it was obvious that she was going to be the one she would lose next. She had four friends left and countless numbers of ‘acquaintances’ these four were Kami, Bre, Jess and Sam, each had their own views on life and unluckily hers and Sam’s seemed to clash all the time. It tore her apart on the inside to know that she couldn’t talk to her about her views on how she was living her life, but she couldn’t fullstop. It was out of the question now talking to anybody but those that knew and to tell them anything else was also out of the question, so she is slowly tearing apart on the inside and no one knows.
Teaghan sighed as she walked into the classroom, as usual she had tried to be as early as possible but was held up by people who were her former friends babbling about what they did on the weekend and some guy they followed around all Saturday night.
“He was so hot; I can’t believe he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Can you believe that Teaghan?” she asked.
“I guess not” I distantly replied as I continued to walk down the corridor.
My name is Teaghan-Bea, I have lived in the same small town since I was 10months old and my body is aching to get out of this well known hole.
I walked to an unoccupied seat at the front seeing that my regular seat at the back had been filled by the egotistical boys who normally surrounded me. I sat against the wall, that was a plus, able to hide one side of me against it and the other behind the mass of curls on the other side.

wow can you put more up please???

Great work hun! Would love to see more!

No idea about the title.. I can never think of any lol

i realy like this and would love to see more xxx

more more more please

it;s really good :) would like to read more

I like it, would love to read more :)

Absolutely amazing! I would love to hear more please....

Thankyou guys, going to rename the thread as damnation :)
Because i'm cool..

It annoys me that I get into some of these stories and they just stop =P

Wow i really got into that, more more :-D

Liking this, would love to read more :)

Sorry about how short this part is..Also I don't particularly like this chapter either, thoughts?

The bell rang midway through a song I wasn’t listening to and I ignored it, I ad class but I wasn’t going to it ‘Stuff this’ I quietly thought as I packed up and began to walk out of the library and out the front gates of the school. I slowed down now that I was out of the school grounds, they couldn’t physically do anything to get me back into school; they weren’t allowed to. My thoughts began to wander again as I ambled towards home, Fridays were good for this, I always had a free last period and if I walked slow enough I normally got home around the same time I normally would if I stayed for 5th period. I sat down by the little creek bed that I had to cross before I had to jump a fence, which was if I wanted to go the quick way. I watched as the water tumbled by, my thoughts recalling upon the last time he and I had talked or even been close to each other.

He slapped me on the butt before grabbing my hand and asking me what I was doing. I quickly replied “nothing” but I wasn’t confident enough in my speech and he spun me around to face him.
“What do you mean nothing?” He replied sternly “It doesn’t look like nothing, going off to have something else to eat are we? Look you’ve already got fat upon fat in your legs don’t want to put anymore on now do we?” He whispered the last part into my ear.
I began to pull away as he whispered to me exclaiming “let go of me” as I pulled against his grasp he squeezed around my wrist tighter and then let go, leaving a red mark. ‘Shit’ I thought ‘this is going to bruise’ I pulled my jumper over the mark hoping no one would see.

I was quickly pulled out of the scene as a motorbike flashed past and through the water; I shielded myself with my hand and got up. I stretched my legs out and quickly ran up the hill and jumped the fence, I loved to do this a 6ft fence and I was easily able to climb over it without slowing down too much. I walked down to my street and turned the corner noticing mum wasn’t home yet I silently did a victory dance as I knew that I was able to make her think that I had eaten, by leaving things out and getting crumbs on the chopping board. I got my key out of my bag and opened up the door, closing it quietly behind me. I dumped my bag off in my bedroom and got changed out of my ratty school uniform into even rattier trackies and jumper. I then proceeded into the kitchen making sure that I only stepped IN the tiles and in ones that had nothing in them, also not stepping on any lines or ones that weren’t fully complete around the edge of the room, this was my ritual throughout the house, mum hated the tiles and often told me that we were ‘going to get rid of the tiles just so you can’t obsess about the anymore’. I laughed quietly at this; mum hated my habits so much.
I sat back and waited for the computer to start up, as it did I logged into my account and signed onto msn; no one was on yet of course, they were all still at school, ‘how lucky they are’ I thought to myself sarcastically. I began to poke fun at one of the bots, noticing that I had no new emails and got bored halfway through, so I logged off and left the computer on standby. I looked in the mirror across the room from me and looked at myself.
‘FAT!’ she yelled at me over and over again, I knew I had to do this, get down to that number, I knew I could do it. I realised then that I had to get out of the house; I needed to clear my mind, so I left a note.

‘Mum
Be back soon. I have my mobile on me if you need me.
I love you.’

I rummaged around my bag and got out my iPod, keys and mobile, making sure it was on silent so they couldn’t bother me then left the note on the bench as I went out the door locking it behind me. I bolted away from home.

-----------------------------------

On a side note, the thing with the tiles, I do ALL the time. I cannot stand it if I don't, like on the way to school i step on every second crack in the pavement and if I miss one I go back and step on it. Call me obsessed if you want.

ooooo :) realy good hun xxx

This is really good; keep on writing! :)

Really good hun :)

good :)

hugs huni - would love to read more! xx

So this isn't all of it, not what i was hoping to post anyway, so the next chapter should be alot longer than this. But yeah this isn't all of my experience although most of it is. Tell me your thoughts and improvements please :)

I ran and ran, until my lungs hurt, my muscles ached and my head swirled. I slowed down and sat on a nearby fallen tree, I was in the bush, god knows where and had no intention of going home anytime soon. My head was still swirling and I tried to brace myself from falling off the tree, but my balance wasn’t good enough so I crashed into the ground, the sound bouncing off the bush around me. I lay there listening to the leaves rustling and the pounding of my heart against my chest, I wasn’t thinking at all, just looking. But then the destructive thoughts came back, anorexia was yelling at me again.

The voice died away but each word hit me like a mallet striking an oversized nail, over and over again the pain getting worse as the nail wedged deeper into my chest. The overwhelmed feeling was beginning to seep into my body and I wouldn’t allow it to happen, even when I was alone, there was no crying, so I began to run again.
But further down I had to stop, it felt like my heart was going to be ripped out of my body, my lungs as if they were contracting I was able to take in less and less air; even though I had stopped and stars began to pop up in my vision. I laid down to the side of the road-like path and concentrated on just maintaining my breathing and then I heard it, a car, I sat up too quickly and the stars returned more pronounced I tried to balance myself as the ute came into view, but I was shaky and couldn’t put my hand onto even ground. The last thing I remembered was seeing a face looking over me “stay with me” they said, but I couldn’t it seemed like an already distant dream.

damn that's fantastic

Really good hun

squishes!!! well done huni!!

Writing the next part now, sorry about the wait between chapters, i have exams soon.

looking forward to more (:

I like this :)
Will be good to read more.

Okay so here's the next part, its a few days later than i suspected but i have exams next week so yeah, kinda busy at the moment.
This story isn't really mine anymore, its just taken this path.

Slowly I heard voices come back into the oblivion of time, then slowly my vision too. The voices saying, “you’ll be alright Hun just stay where you are, we’re going to get you to the hospital as soon as we can”. My head screamed back ‘NO’ as I opened my eyes; “no” I sputtered “not the hospital, anything but there”. I began to shake, it was so cold, I hadn’t realised before passing out.
“We have to, you just passed out. Okay we’re going to see if we can move you onto the back of the car, can you walk?” The voice asked. I still wasn’t able to distinguish between wether the voice was male or female.
“Yeah I’m fine” I replied quickly and swiftly rose to my feet, no wave of dizziness ran through me, I was indeed fine as I had said ‘strange’ I thought. “See” I smiled, “I’m fine. I just need to know which way is out, I know most paths and just lost track of where I was going today, sorry.”
“Okay”, someone emerged from behind the truck with a blanket in hand, it was a women’s voice “here’s a blanket hun, wrap it around you you’re going blue” she implied softly.
I was sitting down again now and could see it was dark; I needed to get home, before mum or anyone for that fact, noticed I was missing. “I want to go home” I whined. Thoughts suddenly burst into my head ‘can they see the scars? Oh geez, I hope they can’t, but of course they can see the fat. Why do I even have the blanket on? Look, teletubby right here’ I tried to shrug the blanket off but the woman wrapped it tighter around me.
“We need you to keep that on you, you’re going into shock, we need you to stay calm. Now can you tell us your name?” This frustrated me, the soft voice was almost as if she was suggesting if I got up that she would sit me right back down. Running was out of the option, so I sat.
“Teaghan, my names teaghan” I whispered.
“Okay teaghan, this time we’re going to help you up. No sudden moves on us and just let us bear most of your weight, we’re going to move you to the cab of the ute, so you’re out of the wind” this time it was the other voice, a male I had finally been able to determine, I didn’t respond, just let them take over.

Heading out of the bush my head lolled to one side, my eyes drooped only half aware of my surroundings, squeezed between two bodies and bumping up and down on a dirt road with a massive headache, wasn’t exactly my idea of heaven. But their bodies kept me warm for that journey.
“She’s awfully skinny Jen, or is it just me” the male questioned ‘Jen’, obviously thinking I had fallen asleep, maybe I had, maybe I was in that in between place I couldn’t really tell.
“She is Dave, but that’s nothing we can fix, it’s up to the paramedics. Oh by the way they said they’d meet us at the end of the track should slow down” she replied quietly.
My head screamed in protest ‘NO’ but my body was past that and I was once again heading into the blissful piece of darkness.

Thats really good, love it , can't wait for more

ooh well done :)

Oooh I like :)

eeek more and im loving it! good luck with your exams too xxxxxx

huggles huni x x

Sorry about the long wait this time, i've finished exams but i feel sick halfway through them.. So right now i have no energy at all, ugh i feel horrible, i'm sorry guys. But i do have the next installment planned out in my head :)

Take your time :) I really like it so can't wait to read more *hugs*

Its ok sweetie take your time, I hope your feeling better *hugs*

I'm writing more now, this part is hard, i'm writing about a person I love dearly and seeing them vulnerable. I'm sorry if its not submitted tonight but it should be..

Damnation. [Story]
 

Isabelle in this chapter is actually based on one of my old counsellors, who kept me safe for a couple of hours when i was under a suicide risk.
-------
I awoke with a light shining in my eyes and I flinched at the sudden brightness. I noticed then that the sound of sirens was blazing and we were moving; fast. I tried to sit up, but the buckles of the gurney stopped me, I also tried to remove the oxygen mask that was helping me breathe, but a firm hand stopped me and exclaimed that I needed the mask. I finally gave in, I stopped caring, stopped fighting and stopped pushing people away. I allowed the paramedics to take my ob’s and just let my mind mingle over the events of the past day.

Thirty minutes later I’m settled into an uncomfortable bed in the emergency department of the local hospital, in a ‘children’s’ section of all places; I noted that my feet could touch the end of the bed. The reunions of me and my family had involved me staring up at the ceiling avoiding everyone’s eyes except my grandmothers, the loving, caring, gentle eyes with the tear streaked face. My dear nanna was crying over me, my mother was stone-faced her wall much like mine was up once again and her stony expression showed no hint of sympathy. I had asked mum to just go away, to leave me alone if she wasn’t going to talk to me, if she was just going to stand there staring at me. She did, but I swear I saw her start crying before she left the room, that’s one thing I had never seen her do, at all. Nan tried to talk to me, but gave up within the first hour, my mumbled responses not constituting a normal conversation. I was hooked up to endless machines, tabs were attached to my chest from the ECG they had done earlier and my own personal friend for if I got lonely was sitting next to me, putting fluids back into my body.
Nan got up and spoke “we’re going Teag; I’ll see you tomorrow I promise. I’m not quite sure about your mother though” her voice was sympathetic; she gave me one last peck on the cheek before walking out. I wasn’t left alone for long though, two seconds later a nurse walked in and checked my ob’s then sat beside me. I quickly opened my mouth to ask what she was doing but they beat me to the chase.
“I’m Isabelle, a mental health nurse; you’re currently considered a risk to yourself, so until you’ve had a psych evaluation I’m your personal bodyguard.” She smiled; obviously she’d done this many times.
“Uhh okay, well I can’t get out of bed anyway at the moment, so what harm can I do to myself? Don’t bother answering that, it doesn’t matter” I shut up, ‘stupid question’ I thought.
Isabelle nodded and picked up a magazine and began to read, I absent-mindly watched her, when she looked up and asked if I needed anything I blushed and answered no. She smiled and once again continued to read. It stayed like this for the next few hours, Isabelle occasionally commenting on an article in a magazine but other than that I just stared at the wall. Until a familiar face walked into the room.

Oooh I wonder who walks in, more please this is good

oo i wana read more! this is really good!

Heh, i actually am debating between two people right now. Keep looking for updates :)

oo well done :)

Oooo very good! I can't wait to find out who comes in :O

Part 7: Unknown Supporters
 

Sorry its only short, and its kinda left in a cliffhanger; again.. :)
Hate me if you must.

I was staring blankly at the wall as Isabelle nudged me and pointed to the door, the familiar lean, brown-haired, best friend stood in the doorway “Bre” I sighed, explaining to Isabelle that I knew the stranger. Bre had been my support rail so many times and of all, this is the one I least expected her to keep by my side. Her mum followed closely behind her followed by her dad, my second family was missing a member, Lorien her little sister. My first thought was to get out of the bed but with my bodyguard and ‘friend’ on either sides of me I was trapped, so all I could do is wait for a squeal of recognition and the embrace of her arms.
The first thing I said after being passed around from family member to family member was “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t handle everything anymore, and I needed to get out.” The words began to pour out, as I told Isabelle, Bre and her parents everything, from the eating, to the horrible thoughts and back again.
Before I knew it, it was time for bre to go, so I could be consulted by the psych. So my future could be decided, was it in my hands or theirs?

ooooo what happens??? xxx

im hooked brilliant story so far!! cant wait for more

wow well done :)