Wanting your death to make others feel guilty
 

Hypothetically, if someone were to commit suicide and leave behind a list of names of all the people who'd bullied, lied to, screwed over, or abandoned that person over the years and claim the list is "The People Responsible For My Death," would you consider that wrong? What if their last request was to make sure every name on the list is contacted and told that they are responsible for the person's death? Is that wrong? I mean, it would teach them a lesson for how they treated that person.

What if a person doesn't plan to actually commit suicide yet wishes to tell everyone on that list that they will and try to make them feel guilty about it?
Is it wrong to tell people you're going to commit suicide and it's partially their fault even if you don't do it?

I know this is a dark topic. I just want some opinions on this. Again, it's all hypothetical.

that is incredibly manipulative. i think it would be wrong. it is almost vengeful...

i can tell that you're feeling very hurt and abandoned, and you are entitled to those feelings, but it isn't ok to take them out on others in the way that you're describing

Again, this is HYPOTHETICAL!

Whether it be hypothetical or not,my response is the same as passedexpectations- it would be manipulative and very cruel.
I know bullying and other forms of abuse are damaging but that would be stooping to a whole new level.

My others thoughts are that if this was going through someone's mind,then maybe they need to seek professional help to try work on how the past had led to this point and also how to go about getting to a place where they can kind of do something to show bullies etc that even though they made life a misery,you didn't give in?
like in a "stick two fingers up to you" way.i don't know if that made much sense.
What Im getting at is,I've found the best way to make them feel bad is by staying alive and doing your best at living-also when bumping into them,saying hi,usually freaks them out,even if they still scare you,that usually scares them more(or so I've found with some people).

If this is hypothetic, and a made up scenario, why is it in serious discussion and advice where it is pushing threads made by members that are genuinely suicidal off the first page?

I thought it belonged here...


It's based off someone I know.

Are you sure youre ok? It seems a bit of an odd one to be asking hypothetically.

I'm not going to kill myself if that's what you're asking.

At the same time, I would love to see those who caused my suffering to suffer themselves and know what they've done to me, especially those who've abandoned me. It seems like at least once a month another person abandons me. At least the bullies are up front about how they feel about me.

Hypothetically...


... it'd be the worst way to get this revenge. What about the people who care about you? They'll feel all sorts of guilt for not being able to save you. Theoretically, if these people have bullied you what are the chances that your death would have such an impact on them? They might feel guilty, but it would be nothing compared to the people who love and care about you. Is it worth hurting the people who love you on the chance it's going to hurt those who hurt you?

Also, the title of the list itself 'The people responsible for my death' is unfortunately problematic. Nobody is really responsible for suicide except the person who commits it. Not denying that they have caused you pain but what you do with that pain is your choice. Suicide doesn't have to be the answer; what about getting support?

As for hypothetically telling people you're going to commit suicide when you're not going to - is it purely to get that revenge? I agree that it is manipulative given you're not going to commit suicide.

I honestly think that if someone, hypothetically, has been so hurt by what has gone on that they would either a) commit suicide as revenge or b) lie about the intention to commit suicide as revenge, than they'd need some sort of professional help to deal with the terrible acts that cause the need for revenge. The feelings of being hurt are real and they need to be dealt with.. but they can be moved on from in much more productive ways than this, in a way that will allow you to live a much fuller life.

I know this is hypothetical so the way I have worded this may come across as ignoring that, but it was the easiest way to type it. I guess though I am interested in why you would ask this?

hmmm, hypothetically, if you were dead, you wouldnt see these people feel guilty or see their suffering.. it seems that killing yourself so that you can make others suffer is kind of like cutting of your nose to spite your face. You would gain no satisfaction from it. In fact, you would gain nothing at all because you would be worm food.

And if you made out like you were dead/planning on killing yourself when you werent, that would surely do very little to better peoples opinions of you/make them wish they had stayed in your life.

Perhaps in order to see these people regret their actions, you would be better just to move on with your life and carry on as if their presence (or lack there of) makes no difference to you at all.

See, the importance of the list would be to not only who's on it but who is not on it. Friends and family will know that they are NOT the ones who drove that person to commit suicide plus they now have a list of people who did.

While I do not believe someone should or would kill themselves for the sole purpose of revenge, I see nothing wrong with leading others to believe that may be the case (again, I'm not talking family or friends here) and that they may be part to blame. People need to learn how their actions affect others and that they can potentially have deadly consequences. Is it manipulative as hell? Absolutely, but you know what? That's the world we live in.

dont you think that someone that made out like they were going to kill themselves just to make people feel guilty would come across as nothing more than an attention seeking prick?

and what would they gain? I for one would not think to myself 'oh, that person just made me think that they were killing themselves because of me, i must be their friend again'... the reasons why i had walked out of their life in the first place wouldnt have changed. If anything, such actions would make me glad not to be involved in the persons dramas.

surely if a person has already abandoned another, the person has nothing to lose by just telling them how they feel?

Okay, well frankly I wouldn't care if my name wasn't on the list of people who 'drove' that person to suicide. If that person was still someone I cared about I would still feel responsible that they didn't care about me enough to tell me what was going on, or let me help them, or for me to notice they needed my help. But that is just my experience of this, but it's an experience I've seen a lot of people go through.

And I agree with Charlie above that the best way to get revenge is to get help and move on with (not yours but the hypothetical person's) life. If hypothetical-you mislead them and told them you were going to kill yourself because of what they'd done...

... what sort of outcome would hypothetical-you want from that?

Most people just assume anyone who utters the word "suicide" is faking it anyway unless they're led to believe otherwise. I'm sure they'd be mad if they were led to believe it was real than found out it wasn't. I guess it just matters how they felt when they really believed the person was going to die and it was partially their fault.

Again, this is something I would never do but I would love to see some people's reactions if they found out they were partially responsible for my death.

The reason I asked all this is because someone sort of did something like this to me once. At the time I thought it was terrible but I now I understand the motivation behind it. I would never do it but sometimes I wish I could. I almost wish I could pull a "Tom Sawyer" but let all my family and friends (those who haven't abandoned me yet) know I'm alive while the others deal with the consequences of my "death" and knowing how they contributed to it.

Hey, I'm sorry about this thread. I really am. I hope it didn't bother anybody too much. I don't know why I have such dark thoughts sometimes :(

Maybe you've got the dark thoughts because you've been through an awful lot. Do you want to talk about anything and how you're feeling now?

You really shouldnt apologise.. i think with stuff like this its just to get some other feedback.

Take care of yourself.

x

I guess I've just been suicidal for a while and now I just want revenge on everyone who has made me what I am. I want to see them cry. I want to see them suffer. I want to get inside their heads. I want them to question everything about themselves. Most of all, I just want them to learn a lesson.

Call me "vengeful" all you want but nobody here is in any position to judge me.

I mentioned earlier I knew someone who did something similar. 8 years ago some body I knew (acquaintance not friend) was leaving school but didn't tell anyone. He just started a rumor he'd killed himself then disappeared. For weeks, people went back and forth as to whether or not this guy was alive. At the time I hated him for it but now I understand where he was coming from. I thought about doing something similar. Judging by the reactions I've gotten in this thread, it sounds like a terrible idea. So, I won't do it.

I do want to take revenge though but I'll think of another way. Maybe I'll just confront the people. I mean, what do I have to lose at this point?!

I hope that sheds a little light on to my messed up mind.

I'm glad somebody understands.

This whole thread sits very uncomfortably with me.

Firstly, as Aimee said, the only person on that list would be you. You alone are the reason for your own suicide.

Secondly, I think it's horrible to bunch together everyone who's ever bullied, lied, screwed over or abandoned someone. I've most likely done all of those things. I'd challenge anyone who said they hadn't. Placing the burden of suicide on the shoulders of someone who just got sick of you ['abandoned you'], someone who lied to get out of going to your art show, someone who excluded you at school is not fair and very much one of the most abusive things you could do.

Well, I've already apologized for the nature of this thread and I won't apologize again. It is what it is.

While others have pointed out how pointless it would be, I see nothing unfair with someone having to face the consequences of their own actions and realizing how their words or actions could lead to someone's death. Personally I would love for them to have to stand face to face with the grieving family and try to defend their actions. I wonder how the family would handle the list of names if they had it. I know this has questionable morals but there are FAR worse things in this world. Suicides do happen and often there are a lot of people who contributed to how that person felt and their state of mind.

EDIT: Oh and could you please not use the word "you" or "your" or any other 2nd-person voice the makes it seem like you're talking about me. THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME! It is REALLY starting to piss me off that people don't understand the word HYPOTHETICAL!

This thread creeps me out slightly.......

Then just ignore it! Nobody is forcing you to read it. I already apologized and squirrelspit said not to apologize so I'm not. It is what it is.

There are much better ways to do this though than either faking ones death or committing suicide.
My taking on the word revenge and the act would be that the person taking revenge be around to witness it,which if you're dead you can't do.

I do understand your hypothetical question,having been through some awful things and at points wanting revenge but never in the way you're asking about,mine was more along the lines of"i wish they'd die a horrible death,involving torture",i moved on to thinking "i wish i could make them understand how they make me felt",which in some cases you can do,some people genuinely don't realise what they did or said deeply hurt and affected someone-these people are more likely to hear you. The other types are less likely.
It comes to a point where wanting revenge causes more damage to and consumes you.I think the best way to you"show them" is to try overcome what they did,use it to fuel something positive,show them that you survived the stuff,that its made you stronger and that you're a someone,not a something.

I think anyone who would do what you're asking about would be no better than the people who hurt you.

I did think of that a lot. So I do understand the thought behind it, although blaming somebody for your death is a bit harsh - especially when some people don't realize what they did.
I was wondering, have you ever read Jay Asher's novel Thirteen Reasons Why ? In the book, a girl kills herself and, right before, sends a set of tapes to everyone she thinks is responsible for her death. Maybe reading it could help you in your reflexion.

It's an awesome book!
*wanders back out of thread*

Interesting. That sounds like a must-read for me.

I think the most important part of that book, for me, is that Hannah, the girl in the novel, blames people for tiny things that snowballed, and they could never have known that things would escalate so badly. And then, at the end, Hannah expects someone to save her without ever giving them the chance to help her, or even letting them know something was wrong.
Hannah blamed people, when really, it wasn't their fault at all.

Anyway, how are you doingt today?

The bullies would'nt give a shit! They would not care, to them your just another piece of scum off this earth. Believe me I know this, my ex best friend told me she would'nt care if i didnt exsist anymore.

The bullies probably would give a shit. They're people, too. No, they've not done good things and they hurt a lot of people but, at the end of the day, people are not fundamentally bad and they would care a lot if they knew they had played a part in the reason someone had killed themselves. It's difficult to muster up an agreement to what I've just said, perhaps, because bullies and abusers can leave very lasting scars. I wouldn't like to guess someone else's thoughts though, however much they'd hurt me, as I don't know what's going on for them and their motives at all.

As for the nature of this thread, I have to agree with Aimee. Suicide is a very final act and is always down to the person that completes the act. I know that it can seem like there's no hope and as though there is nothing left to fight for but there is. Killing yourself simply to 'get revenge' (I dislike wording it like this...) is something that I would find hard to cope with. If I was a member of such a person's family or their friend I would feel as though they hated me and somehow, it was my fault because I hadn't reached out to them enough or hadn't been there. Yes, there may be a list of people to 'blame' as such but in my mind, it would always be my fault and I would live with that forever.

Yes, there are times when you can feel so alone suicide seems like the only option. It isn't. It never is, regardless of how much crap you're thrown. There is always another way. Always. It just takes some looking for and working out sometimes and means you have to fight when you feel too weak to move/think/engage. People considering suicide can rationalise things to themselves, I do know that from experience, but it's important to hold onto that hope and sometimes think "if I'm going to kill myself anyway, I may as well try to engage in help - I won't have lost anything".

I have deviated from the topic somewhat but those are my thoughts. Take them or leave them.

Take care.

I think blaming someone for your death/suicide is extremely guilt-tripping, manipulative, and wrong in general.

I do understand, believe me, that people can make your life a living hell, they can hurt you, upset you, bully you, abuse you, but blaming someone for x/y/z, I find that just as wrong as what they have done/said to you, to put the blame on someones shoulders for, to be frank, your own actions, is not right, and it's not fair at all, no matter what they've done/said to you.

It's not right to blame someone else for your suicide, just, it's not, IMO.

I do get having those dark thoughts though, of just leaving behind a note to someone/people saying "This is because of you, this is because you said x to me, because you did y to me, because you're a z, etc etc", or saying to people they're making you feel like killing yourself, it's actually really common to be angry/upset with people that make you feel awful/worse, I do get that, and I'm sure many of us on here do.

Anyway, that's just my take on the question. x

That is a really good point. Like, genuinely an excellent 'message' to get from the book.

what Belle said. I've done some twatty things in my life, more than I'll ever have time to apologise for. And if I ever found out that one of my stupid pranks or childish trolling had contributed to making someone want to end their own life I would be absolutely mortified and never forgive myself.

The thing is, nobody is perfect and people see their actions differently. You may have felt interpreted something as being cruel when actually you were feeling sensitive for some other reason and otherwise you wouldnt have thought twice. What night have appeared to you as a sustained campaign aimed just at you, was actually someone being snappy and rude to everyone as a defense mechanism for their own hurts. And undoubtedly you have hurt plenty of people yourself in your life, with and without meaning to.

So you dont really have the right to sit down and call people on things you didnt like in that way.

And, OP, when i say you, i dont mean YOU, i just mean one. Seing as you dont like it.