JodiE/MeaCulpa needs your support
 

JodiE might just need some hugs and love and stuff at the moment. Lets show her how much we love her and are here for her :)

Jodieeeee.

I love you bundles and bundles, and I know many members here do also. You're such a caring and beautiful person. I hope you're okay, please know you can talk to us if you need to. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping if you need to, you can lean on us. Please reach out for support if you need too.

Aimee
xxx

JodiE has given me permission to tell you what happened to make things so hard. Basically myself and her had some sexual encounters (which was fine) but we also invited a guy up to the same room, whom JodiE did things with that she feels perfectly comfortable with. However then he left the room and I fell asleep. While I was sleep he came back and forced himself into JodiE. She said no and he kept having sex with her. Only after she had repeated it a few times did he withdraw and even then he stayed for hours talking. I took her to get the morning after pill and checks but she's struggling to figure out whose to blame and with feelings of being dirty and unclean. She has subsequently overdosed.

Jodie, that sounds horrible for you. The guy is to blame in this, definitely not you. You said no and he should have respected that. Please let your friends help you through this, and reach out when you need to.

Katy, I'm glad you were/are looking after her, and try to make sure you are looking after yourself too.

Jodie, I'm sorry that happened to you. It isn't your fault. Katy, I'm glad that you were/are with her. Take care of both of you.

It is my fault.

I shouldn't have agreed to do other stuff in the first place. I was drunk. I took my clothes off. I got what I deserved.

What you did beforehand (which you were comfortable with?) is completely separate to what happened after. No one should force themselves on you.

What the bloke did the 2nd time was wrong, it's him that is to blame; it wasn't your fault and you certainly did not deserve to have that happen to you.

I don't really have many words Jodie but I just wanted to give you some love. What happened to you most definitely wasn't your fault so try and take the blame away from yourself. Whatever happened beforehand, has nothing to do with what he did afterwards.

Take good care of yourself, sweet.
x

My therapist used the 'r' word

:crying: :notsure:

Apart from your fear of the 'r' word, has talking to your therapist helped?

Like others said, what happened afterwards was definitely not your fault. If the guy hadn't forced himself on you the second time then nothing would have happened, so it couldn't possibly be your fault.

Take care.

Jodie.. *offers safe hugs*

What he did is in no way your fault, at all. He should have listened to you when you said no, even if you had been doing stuff before hand. No matter what, it's your choice. If you don't want to do stuff that choice should be respected. He's the disgusting one in this, not you. I promise.

What your therapist said is right, but if you don't like looking at it that way, then you don't have to. How it effects you is more important than the label.

And Katy, make sure your looking after yourself too.

Love you Jodie, please be careful.

It can't have been.... that. That word if for people who have been really hurt, not for people who probably asked for it :(

Last time... with my 'grandfather'.... I got told I shouldn't dress in shorts and strappy tops because my body affects me. It's my fault. If I hadn't shown my body...

I want to make it go away. Cut it off starve it off. I don't want anyone to look at my sexually. I feel sick. I was sick last night after nightmares. So I took too many sleeping pills to make it go away. And I still feel disgusting and dirty.

but you didnt ask for it. you said no and that is the importain thing. If you say no and he keeps going then that is the 'r word'.
sorry you feel so horrible.
*offers safe hugs*

Jodie, it is NOT your fault and no matter what you did you didin't 'ask for it'.

You said no which he should have respected and stopped straightaway. Everyone is entitled to change their mind and any point and anyone with any decency would stop.

Take care.

Katy - look after yourself as well

xx

Hugs Jodie it wasnt your fault hugsxx

I'm out viewing houses and I think people are staring at me. I feel like I look like some worthless piece of meat only good to be used.

Jodie sweetheart, I'm really sorry I can't offer more than all my love and mahoosive cuddles right now. I just want to echo what the others have said....xx

Not your fault. If it was anyone's it was mine for not protecting you/putting you in harms way.

I know you can feel exposed even after things like that have happened but that is usually down to hypersensitivity which ensues after a traumatic event (look it up if you don't know what it is), not people actually looking at you.

Has your therapist been helpful?

Oh gosh, Jod, I'm so sorry... I'm here for you, always. I love you so much...
xxx

I'm so sorry that happened Jodie
It definitely is not your fault in any way, shape or form
You said no, you are not to blame at all

<3

Jodie you really didn't deserve this and whatever you did, whatever choices you made that doesn't give anyone the right to do something against your will even if you had agreed and then said no it wouldn't have made it okay. No really does mean no and this situation isn't going to be made any easier by other things you are already dealing with but you need to keep telling yourself that this is not your fault and you have done nothing wrong even if you don't believe it right now.

You are a good person Jodie, there are lots of people wo care about you and want to help you already but if you ever need someone to talk to I am always here.

Take care love
Katy
x

it was NOT youre fault, you are not to blame. Please reach out for the help you deserve. love xxxx

As I said on Facebook, I'm always here should you need to PM me (either via RYL or Facebook). I just want you to know that what he did was disgusting & that it was in NO WAY your fault. You said no.

Katie
x

just wanna say its not your fault hunn
massive hugs

Hard to say much about the situation because it looks like a mess from here. But you can't unscramble an egg so I would focus on minimising the damage and resist hating everything - including yourself.

“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it.”


Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor

*hugs* if you want them.

I don't have any advice to offer, just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you.
I hope you are safe and that you can accept the help that people are offering you. You are worth it.

Thinking of you sweetheart. You've done nothing wrong. Please remember that. xxx

Oh Jodie, you have done nothing wrong. I know what you're feeling now is terrible but please try and keep yourself safe and give yourself the compassion you need right now. You didn't deserve this and it's not your fault. We are here for you<3

Please, be safe. xxxx

Just got back from therapy. :notsure:

She was worried and has given me a crisis plan to get my through until monday (I go away for two days then) and see her Thursday. She asked if I wanted to see her before thurs but I said no, and I don't have the time.

I feel very suicidal. She's put on my notes that I feel that way and what happened so if I go to A&E over the weekend they will be aware as they share notes.

I have to go for a blood test and I don't want to as I've not eaten for a while and I don't know what the pills will show up. Probably nothing.

See this just proves to my head that being at a slightly higher weight (I was up a bit from eating too much since last thurs). means that bad things like this happen. *He* kept sayign my body was perfect and I should keep it like that even when katy was telling him to shut up. But fuck him I don't want to keep it in a way that makes him want to have sex with me when I said no. I don't want anyone to look at me that way. I want to starve off all that fat I've put on and make myself as disgusting on the outside as I am inside.

Jodie, it is NOT your fault in any way shape or form that this happened... Not at all. And your mind will try to twist it any way to make it seem your fault, but it really isn't. If this was someone else, you'd say it wasn't, though I know it's heck of a lot more difficult to see it that way, but it really is true; it's NOT your fault.

Please try to be gentle with yourself.
Love you so much sweet.
xxxx

I'm glad your therapist is reacting to your needs sweetheart, and I have to admit it I would like it if you did feel able to come down and stay with me next week to give yourself a bit of a break and also to have someone there to support you whenever you need it, although if you feel it would be detrimental I completely understand.

Are you still talking to your friends about it all, so they can help?

Also it really had nothing to do with your weight. Promise. He was just a douche.

I was so scared he was going to hurt you Katy. That's why I didn't wake you.

Oh and I found out this morning that the 'grandfather' figure who tried to touch me when i was 17 has had a stroke and is in hospital.

Fuck life. I actually have no desire to live right now.

Hon your granddad getting ill, whilst unfortunate has nothing to do with everything else that is going on, and that is a promise. I'm so sorry hon, I know that despite the hurt he has caused you this must be devastating. What do you feel you need right now? If you are actively suicidal could you please either a) tell your friends b) go to A&E as your therapist suggested or c) poke me on facebook/on here and we'll chat over MSN.

Oh hon I'm so sorry. But I promise you I'd much rather be slightly at risk than you suffer alone.

I've BBMd you sweetie, and Skype times with me & Zar tomorrow night too(if of course you still feel up to it), so I really hope that'll make you smile too beautiful, you deserve to smile and be happy, even if right now it feels like hell to just breathe...
We're both here for you, remember what we said.

Talk to us when you feel ready to, but as Katy said, if you feel actively suicidal, please go to A&E, we're here for you, all of us on here and elsewhere, but if you are in danger, please go to A&E... None of us want to lose you.

Sending you very gentle, safe, warm hugs(Zar does too), and so much love.
xxxx

I'm so sorry you've experienced this Jodie, you didn't deserve any of this, it is certainly not your fault. People will try and shift blame and say it's because of clothing, the way someone wore their hair, the make up someone had on, how they behaved. But none of those would make things your fault, it doesn't matter what you did, how you dressed etc etc, you didn't consent so there's no way it can be your fault. I can understand you wanting to make the outside match the inside, I've felt the same too after something similar had happened to me. But things can get better for you, it's horrible when something like this happens to us, but hurting yourself more and making yourself suffer more from it doesn't seem like the right way to go.

'R' can happen between friends, spouses, strangers, sadly it's something that can stretch to many types of relationship. It's still non-consensual sex, doesn't matter what happened earlier in the evening.

Things won't always be this dark, it is possible to recover in spite of horrible things that happen.

Thank you so much guys. I'm trying to get myself to victoria station to have coffee with a friend. But I keep having to get off the bus coz of panic attacks. But I'm half way there I think. I will msn/ryl when I getback from the gym tonight. Trying to keep busy and just get to monday in one piece

Keeping busy to get to Monday in one piece sounds good, you can do this *sending you healing safe hugs*

Glad you're keeping busy *hugs tight*

massive hugs wish i had more to say and help
please be kind to yourself hun everyones right none of this is your fault

None of this was your fault jodie. No means no. I don't really no what else to say except to send you big hugs, and tell you to look after yourself cause you're an amazing and caring person which is easily provable, e.g bringing me balloons and face paints when I was in hospital and cheering me up markedly.

How're you doing?

I'm glad you're keeping yourself busy, lovely, that's good. I hope you've been okay seeing your friend =)

Absolutely not. You need to stop thinking that and make sure to take care of yourself too...

I am proud of you for trying to stay busy, well done Jodie. We're here for you the whole way, every step. <3
Let us know how you're doing.
xxx

I hope you enjoy today :) xxx

To add to this good point further, it's HIS fault entirely. He shouldn't have done anything if it wasn't consented to, he shouldn't have had to be repeatedly told no in order for him to stop. It was his choice to carry on, it was his fault and no one else's. It doesn't matter what had happened earlier in the evening, it wouldn't matter if he was in a committed relationship with you, it wouldn't matter if he was a stranger.

You are no more to blame than I, (when I experienced something similar) or anyone else who has experienced anything like this.

:notsure: I really, really want to OD right now but there are people around. Everyone has left by tomorrow.... I have the pills. I need them.

I'm being so fucking stupid. He had sex with me, so fucking what. Why am I so hurt and frightened? It was just sex. It's not like he beat me. I'm being pathetic aren't I?