If you are feeling suicidal, post here...
 

We can be a support to one another. And I'd like to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I feel like fading away&if that means killing myself, then so be it.

x

I'm so sorry Sarawr. You have my prayers. What is making you feel this way?? Has it been like this for awhile or just recent?

Been like this since I was a young child.
I don't know exactly.
Just a work up of a lot of things.

Thank you.

How are you?

I had a bad day today. Been struggling with depression since my last baby was born. I guess it wasn't a horrible day though since I'm still here and I didn't try anything unwise. And I had a great night with my son.

I spent the whole of this past October in the hospital and since thence been feeling better even though some days are hard.

Thank you for asking!! It really means something to me just to have people around who care and understand.

By the way Sarawr, is there anything that makes you feel worse? Better?

I'm sorry lovely.
Do you have any help?
x

Um, yeah, a lot things make it worse... too many to list! But, because of my emotional dysregulation, my moods go up&down like a rollercoaster. When my depression is taken over, it gets really bad though...

I'm on meds, but they don't work at all. No professional help either. Psychiatrist hasn't called back for months. Idiot. -.-

Also - CONGRATULATIONS!
<3

Love you Sarah *hugs*

Eh, things are not good for me right now. But I've contracted with my therapist to stay alive until January 4 for right now.

Big hugs to everyone! You know how I feel from my other posts. Thanks Mum24 for making this thread. It's great if we can support each other.

Hugs to all of you! I'm so glad you contracted for safety x.silence! How are you all doing this morning? I started a new medication last night and I'm sooo tired. But hey, I'm livin!

Hi sorry crashing this post.Feeling very low and like I cant tolerate being in my body.Missing my Dad too.The anniversary of his death is tommorrowx

Uglyducklin you are not crashing anything. You are most welcome here!! I'm so sorry you are grieving like this. I can't imagine what you must be going through. Hugs!! Is this the first anniversary? The tenth? It must be hard. I'm sending you lots of hugs. Please stay safe, and post here again!

I'm trying to be happy for a day (well, since 1:00) you know what? It's 6:20 and i'm exhausted. I'm sick of burdening my friends. Of having scary or "visionary" dreams. I'm sick of me. And I don't see why I'm here (alive).

I'm just going to be all depressive and post because, well, yeah.. for obvious reasons.

Meh. I wish I was dead half the time anyway so..

Looking4hope, it's exhausting to pretend to be well when you are not. You are not a burden and if anyone treats you that way it's their problem not yours. But I pretend a lot so I know what you are going through. I pretend and yet, those who really love me have not abandoned me when I haven't been able to keep pretending. I hope you feel better soon. Feel free to be yourself here. We know what it's like to feel hopeless. I believe that you are valuable and there is a huge reason why you are here... To be you. It's that simple. No pressure. Just you. Please post again.

Letmesign... I want to ask you if you are ok but you obviously aren't. You sound so sad and depressed. My heart goes out to you. Is there something specific that has you down or are you just down? I feel your pain. It sucks. Do you have people around who know and understand? Hugs

I prayed for all of you guys, and I know I should for myself too. God really does love us even when we can't feel Him there.

I want to die. Last month I tried to kill myself twice. Sadly it didn't work. Gonna try again REAL soon

Oh cowgirl, please please don't! Do you have plans already? Does anyone know? I'm so glad you posted here but I really want you to let someone know your plans. Can you do that? You need some help dear girl. I don't want you to die. I'm so glad your previous attempts were unsuccessful.

I don't know if it helps any but I also attempted suicide in the past and now I'm glad it didn't work. Things can get better. But you need support.

Big hugs to you. So how far along are we talking here, do you have plans? And the means?

Mum24

Yes I pretty much do have it planned. And my psychologist knows I want to die but I'm not sure she knows how badly. Nobody cares if I die. and I don't want to be locked up.
I'm gonna slit my wrists. I'm pretty locked on doing it next Tuesday or Wednesday.

Or maybe even early on 2nd thought

Being "locked up" isn't so bad. I spent the month of October in the hospital because I was suicidal, and basically you have round the clock care, people to talk to every day (doctors who assess you daily and nurses who are there whenever you need them and even when you don't), all your meals cooked for you, recreation facilities and when you are well enough, privileges to leave the ward. It's a safe place to be. Even the other patients are nice... Most are depressed just like you so they understand. It might just be the attention you need hon. Please consider it.

I think you should tell your psychologist of your definite plans and the time frame. Do you trust them? If not, can you call a crisis line? Where I live, there is a crisis line that you can call where people will come to you to provide crisis support... So you don't even have to go to a hospital. Is there anything like that near you?

I'm really worried about you. Please consider any other option than killing yourself. That would be terrible.

So what do you think? Does any of this sound do-able?

I'm too afraid to even consider being hospitalized. I mean what would I tell people at school. and How would I do everything for school. and all my extra stuff at school. like show choir. It would just mess up everything even more.
I'm cutting myself off from everybody. Even my psychologist. I've never heard of a crisis line.
All I want to do is kill myself. I feel like I should just go ahead and do it already and finally make it work out perfectly and not fail again.

No no! There is still a better option. I missed 4 weeks of nursing school and people were so understanding and the teachers helped me to catch up. What if that could happen for you? You don't want to give up if that could have been a real blessing to you lov.

A crisis line is a place that you phone anonymously and you can talk to them about what's going on with you. If you open the front of your phone book there is a list of them or even google crisis lines in your city. They can be amazing people to talk to even if you never end up telling them who you are. They know so much and they care so much. It's their lifes passion to be there for people in trouble.

And you are in trouble... I'm really worried about you. I don't want you to give ip when there are other options, there is hope for you. I don't want you to die. You don't deserve to die. Please consider trying something else first. Even if it doesn't go well you are still in control. You decide for your life, no one else can. Not even in a hospital. Trust me I know from experience.

Oh cowgirl, you are on my mind tonight. Please be safe

But I'm in high school, nobody is gonna even care that I'm gone. let alone help me catch back up or keep up with stuff.
I still am planning on suicide. Sorry. Violet fer sure won't let me back down.

Of course you would have support, and even if no one helped, you'd be alive, and that is worth more than anything.
Who is violet?
I'm sticking with what I said, your life is valuable... A teenager with a future, and a life to live. You matter. I don't want to hear that you killed yourself! Please reconsider.

Is it really? Being alive isn't worth much to me anymore.
Violet is another part of me! i know she's in my head. but she's real. I swear she's real. Sometimes she likes to take control too! And she always talks to me and whispers things. She's so angry sometimes though.

Oh cowgirl, I still believe you were meant to be alive. I'm sorry that violet is mean. Have you talked to your doctor about her? You said you were afraid. This all sounds very distressing.
Thinking of you

I'm sorry for everyone who has posted here. I have just turned 13 and I have felt suicidal a couple of times because of what I have done.

I'm so terrified. You're going to think I'm mad but the devil is after me. I promised I'd kill myself on Wed or Thurs but if I don't he's going to kill me anyway.

Sprinkles! Are you ok? We've all done bad things at one time or another.. It doesn't mean you deserve to die. Do you want to talk about it??

Baggyjeans, how terrifying! I don't think you're mad. You need to talk to someone about this... Maybe a doctor or someone else who can help keep you safe. Talk to them NOW. Please don't wait till Wed or Thurs. I have a feeling a doctor can really help you. Whatever you do, don't listen to the devil!! Fight this!
Ps God is stronger than the devil.. Get on His side. But don't forget to tell someone. You really need to do that.
Hugs

I spoke to my mental health worker who came today but he wasn't very helpful at all. I suppose he tried his best to reason it out but I thought he'd actually "do" something to help. I'm seeing a woman mental health worker on Wednesday who knows my background more and I'm sure she can help me but Wednesday might just be too late. Don't know what to do!

Go to the hospital. Call your gp. Make someone listen to you. This is so important!

The mental health worker who I spoke to this morning is supposed to be calling me back this afternoon so we can speak about it a bit more. I don't know if he'll call. It will surprise me if he does. I think he just wanted to get rid of me earlier.
I've spoken to my mum and dad so they know how I'm feeling. Mum's scared I'm going to get "taken away". Think they're hoping it will all go away. Didn't suggest I speak to anyone. Just kept saying that he can't harm me. He isn't real. But he is and he's going to come and get me if I don't kill myself! No-one seems to be listening to me or taking me seriously!
Thank you for taking me seriously though mum24!

This is a lovely thread, thank you for starting it.

I'm sorry so many of you are feeling so bad, I'm sending you all love and support, and around if anyone needs to talk.

baggyjeans, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this - I can understand, to some extent, how scary it is. I'm sorry you feel like no-one is taking it seriously - I think your parents probably don't know what to say or what to do for the best. Did the mental health worker call you back today? I hope so. If nothing is helping pease do call someone, go to hospital if you have to, just keep telling people until someone listens. They can help. I understand how terrifying it must be but there are lots of us who have felt similar but have survived. You can get through this.

I feel so suicidal. I dont have anything to say. I have no words :(

Thank you Starling. He did actually call me, which surprised me. He didn't say a lot though. He just asked what I had been doing and said to put music on if the voices get too loud. He said we can talk tomorrow when he comes. I don't know what to say to make him understand. I've written it in my journal though. I've just spoken to my best friend and she has really helped. She said I can fight him and that I need to show him I am stronger than he is. I don't know how to do it and I'm terrified but I'll try to hold on.

Good baggyjeans. Your best friend sounds wise and I'm glad your mental health worker will call you back tomorrow. Keep journalling and posting here. We can be here for you.

Dear strawberry cola, I'm so sorry you feel so awful!! What has brought it on? Anything? Do you have plans to kill yourself? What's going on dear girl?

I have made plans, and the worse thing is I dont normally make plans, normally its just impulse, so this time Im really scared of myself. I dont know whats caused it, I think just a load of things have built up. Plus Ive been delusional recently, which is not helping :(
I feel so hopeless.
Im trying to hold on until I see my cpn on wednesday, but I dont honestly know if I can.

Can you call your Cpn today? Or call a crisis line? Or go to the hospital? The most important thing is your safety. I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been there. How about your gp? Anybody that you can tell your plans to... It's really important!!

I dont know if my CPN is available with it being bank holidays. I would go to the hospital but I always think whats the point if you havnt done anything, I know thats the wrong way to think but you know. I have the crisis team but Im to scared to call them because I fear rejection. Paranoia issues. Plus I really dont want to be hospitilised, which is very likely to happen. So it seems best to just get on with it, you know.

No! I understand how you are thinking and I know and you know it's wrong. You have to make a decision that is helpful even if it's against what you feel. I'm in the same boat so I know. We can't have you giving up! I've been in the hospital, it's not that bad. Its a nice escape actually and you get the right attention. Now, what good thing are you going to do??? You are worth it! Don't give up.

Yeah I know hospital is a good place really, Ive been there a million times before.

I guess a good thing I can do is to try and contact my CPN tomorrow? Do you think shell be in on a bank holiday?

That sounds good. What's the backup plan??

You can do it strawberry.cola! I believe in you!

Thanks for caring Mum24.

Sprinkles! How are you doing?

The back up plan can be that I call the crisis team.

Your very sweet by the way mum24, how are you?

Sammi, how are you at the moment? Did you call crisis line?

Strawberry.cola thank you! You are sweet too, and it's very important that you stay safe!
I'm doing ok. Not suicidal (yay!) but still not thinking quite right. One day I'll be good and the next I'll be really struggling. Thank you very much for asking!
I like your backup plan by the way. Do you have a crisis line in mind? Maybe you should get the number so it's handy. And there when you need it. What do you think?

Oh sorry. You said crisis TEAM and I read crisis line. That's great too to call your crisis team. I'm proud of you. We are still here for you. I know it's hard. Maybe you could also look up a crisis line number?

*bump* How are you Sammi?