would you rather be feared or loved?
 

i was out with some friends last night and this particular topic actually came up and it had some interesting answers. so it kind of got me curious on what everyone here's answers might be and why.

Loved.

Neither. I'd like to be recognised for what I am. If I'm feared, I won't have friends, only enemies. I'll have no one I can rely on, no one I can trust properly because I'll know they only act out of fear. If I'm loved, people will act without thinking, and I'll feel like I'm using people out of their love for me. It'll be like I'm driving them, controlling them. I'd rather be recognised for who and what I am.

Depends on which part of me you're asking, which one of my personality states.

To simplify, most of me would rather be loved. And to love.
Love meaning in the widest sense of being understood and respected and accepted and seen.

But the whole defensive business to survive with lack of love... has led to that part of me preferring to be feared, to keep people away and 'protect' myself. "Because love hurts, right?"

i'd like to say loved but in all honesty i'd have to go with feared.

"It is better to be feared than be loved."

Feared. If everyone was scared of me, I'd have nobody then there would be nobody to hurt. And other reasons I guess.

This is interesting. The majority of people here are saying that they'd prefer to be feared. The majority of people here self harm or have self harmed in the past, and so have low self esteem and confidence. A lot may have been bullied, picked on or abused, which has put fear into them. Yet the majority here says that they would like to be feared so they cannot be (further) hurt.

I'm intrigued, if the same question was posted on a different type of forum, for example a horse forum (which my friend uses), would we get the same answers?

I would rather be loved. I just recognised that this subject was brought up in Alice in Wonderland.

I would have thought more people would have brought that up.

Loved, I guess.

I'd have thought more would prefer to be loved because of abuse/neglect, but I can see how people would rather be feared to prevent oneself from getting hurt.

Being feared and being loved are equally beneficial, so long as you're respected and, most importantly, not hated. If you're hated, you risk being done in eventually.

I hate being feared. Having people be scared of you, well, it sucks.

I would much rather be loved.

Both

cause many people can either fear you ...for certain things or love you cause of your personality...

so the answer is hard to choose so i say both

I think being feared can still mean you're loved, just mean that you're likely to be dishonest & be submissive & even lie because you're so scared of them. That I wouldn't want.

I could make either work for me honestly. Are we talking about everyone here? Like everyone fears/loves you or just most people?

At the moment I'd rather be loved, but at times I'd rather be feared. Good question.

Neither, I'd rather be a hermit. Whether you're loved or feared you're likely to be be hurt. At least if you are a hermit you won't be hurt.

I'm much too emotional to be able to rule by fear, though I would prefer it.


Someone has been reading the Prince by Machiavelli, huh? :D

http://www.constitution.org/mac/prince17.htm

Loved. if only for one day.
But, why would anyone want to be feared?? Fear is massively overrated.

i dont really know what it is to be loved... ¬_¬
i say feared simply because i think love requires much trust. and thats something i have very little-none of. *shrugs*

Fear is a powerful thing.
It has both raised and toppled empires.
Men and women have marched to war because of it.
It can unite whole nations as well as turn them against each other.
Whole worlds change overnight because of the power of fear.

if RYL had a like button ^ that would be liked.

Thank you. I have my moments =)

This. And also that was pretty epic up there too ^

Loved
 

I rather be loved because being feared means isolated. I would love to be love. I have no idea when that will happen but my hopes are up. :blush: :blush:

I love house and bones both amazing tv shows!

I don't know..feared probably? Well I kinda am.
Lots of my friends were 'scared of me' before they became my friends (I wasn't actually aware of this until we became friends and I don't really consider myself to be a scary person but whatever) but it does mean my friends don't '**** me over' and I still feel loved and cared about..I suppose though because they think i'm 'tough' or whatever that I can look after myself and don't have problems and things (my friends don't know about my history) and sometimes a girl just needs a hug you know.

Loved.

Thanks! haha.

"Fear has both raised and toppled empires.
Men and women have marched to war because of it.
It can unite whole nations as well as turn them against each other.
Whole worlds change overnight because of the power of fear."

So true. Anyone remember Mao or Hilter [or really most other politicans]? Their entire careers were based fear.

hahaha, sorry I'm kind of an epic fail at quoting on here. I'm still fairly new, so bare with me. ;-)

I rather enjoy being feared. My close friends have worked past the fear and like me anyway. But I find it keeps most people away and I like it.

This is a hard one part of me wants to be loved to have someone care about me. However the other part wants to be feared so that people stay away that way you can't be hurt

Loved. I don't think I'd like to be feared except for if it made dangerous people stay away from me.

Loved.
You can get people to do what you want, and still get hugs and cuddles at the end of the day. And people help you because they want to help you, not because they're scared of you.

Same benefits, purer reasons behind it.

This, a hundred times.

I think I'd like to be loved, but then I don't want this to cause people to treat me like a pushover or ignore me. Kind of 'to love and be loved in return'. Being feared would hurt me but then, at least I could control the pain that I am feeling. However, I don't know if I could stand/bear people being scared of me and being feared isn't much of an existance either, so I would have to say loved because, in the past, I have articulated that that is something I want.

To be feared is easy than to be loved.

Loved

Loved.

Simple answer for me!

Loved.
I've always liked the lyric "I'd rather be a bitch than an ordinary broken heart" from one of my favourite Dresden Dolls songs, but I only ever epathise with it whilst in certain moods where I just want to tell everyone to go **** themselves.

But over all, I just want to be loved, I can't stand people disliking me, hating me, being pissed off with me, even of they don;t particulary matter to me, there very few people I can deal with not liking me. Silly but true.