I'm sorry... To everyone
 

It's seems I have annoyed some people on here as well... Why am I such a failure?
I don't know what I have, but my symptoms match up with DID and I want to help people, probably a bit too much, but that's what I want to to do so they don't end up like me.
As far as you know, you don't know what happened in my childhood.
I was hated by people, I was bullied, and I've been depressed and had anxiety my whole life. My cousin who was the same age as me, did sexually abuse me; she made me play games I didn't want to play, and then when I'd say no she'd say horrible stuff to me... Stuff that I don't want to and can't remember.
My Mum used to push me to be better than I was, even though I couldn't get any better... And she never understood me, and she'd always shout at me for the littlest things, even if they weren't actually a problem.
I'm sorry that I've offended people on here, but you don't know how unstable I am... Every day I feel like I could die, I feel like it could be the end of my life.
I really feel upset that I've annoyed people on here, I can't even build or keep a relationship with people over the internet, let alone the people I actually physically meet up with.
I'm sorry, and I'm off to the park soon, because the thing I want to do I can't do at home. I was two weeks free of SIing... That'll be broken today.
I'm sorry.

why do you think you've anoyed people?

I don't know how you could offend people on here. From what I've seen, you're very supportive and helpful. A breath of fresh air, even. I can relate to what it's like to be hated and bullied by people.. it doesn't just leave you as you grow up. I also know what it's like to want to help people so badly, even though some people may take things the wrong way.

You've nothing to be sorry about, believe me.

Because I got mail from a member on here saying some stuff, can't remember her name, even though I just read it.
But I feel bad for what I've done... It must've been for me to receive it.

I was trying to help... But of course it backfired against me.
I don't think I should try anymore...

Psh. Anyone else would tell you the same, that you've done nothing on here to "annoy" people. I certainly havn't noticed anything wrong with how you are, on here.

if someone has sent you a nasty messge you can report it.


And it's just one person opinion, try not to let it get to you

To add to what I previously said; you're in no way, a failure.

Well others have got issues with me posting what I have...
I'm fed up of trying to be nice, of trying to help, it just never works out for me.
I feel so triggered now...
My record will be broken, yet again
:'(

It wasn't a nasty message as such... Just saying that I'd be influencing people to think they have disorders that they haven't actually got and that I was throwing it about like it was the common cold.
I've really f*cked up this time.
Well and truly screwed everything up AGAIN.
Ayka's so f*cking angry with me.
I just wanted to help... :'(

So what if some people have supposed issues with what you post, you're a good person and the only thing you're guilty of is being nice and helping others.

You haven't annoyed me? Infact you've helped me. Don't give up just because of something one stupid person said..

I can't even try and help people on here without someone having a problem with me...
I really thought I fit in here, it was the only thing left in my days that I enjoyed doing because I actually felt like I wasn't a freak.
But clearly I was wrong.
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!!?!?!?!
Arggghhhhhhh I'm so f*cking angry and upset... I may end up in hospital by the time I'm done with myself.
I'm sick of it, I'm sick of living like this and being me, not even the friends that I see want me around and if I'm not needed on here... I might as well die... There's nothing left for me.

You're not a freak and you do fit in here.
I'm not gonna leave til you feel better, even if just a little. You've got friends here now. They wouldn't want you to suffer like this.

I am a freak, no one wants to know me, no one cares... And I don't, I'm just making people worse.
Well then that might be a while, I'm getting worse and worse as the minutes go by and I'm leaving to go to the park soon... No elastic band or red marker on my arm is going to get rid of this urge.
And in my mind is Ayka, telling me I deserve this because I'm such an unworthy person of life... In some ways she's right... I don't deserve life, there's so many more people who want it more than I do.

I care and I know I'm not the only one..
You don't have to do this

People here care, I care. I wouldn't mind getting to know you. You aren't making people worse, believe me.
I'll gladly stay as long as it takes. I understand very much of what you're going through, for the most part. You're stronger than this. Don't give in.
You ARE worthy of life, no-one has the right to say you aren't.

I totally agree with everything said above. x

I do have to do this
I'm trying to revise, but it's not taking my mind off it.
All I can think of is the pain and the blood and how much I deserve it.
I probably am... I'm probably triggering someone on this thread besides myself, and then if they relapse it'll be my fault too.
I'm not, I've been self harming for two years on and off, I'm not worth of anything I have, I'm just not worth it.
Don't waste your time on here, there are other people who need help more than I do.
I really don't... I should just leave, I don't want to be like this anymore.

I agree with what the others said about not letting it get to you too much. Differences of opinion happen, but if it was an intentionally flaming message, you should report it.

However, I agree that suggesting to people that they have DID is not useful. You say you want to help people so they don't end up like you, and if you mean the DID part, it won't simply go away, and it forms in early childhood, so helping someone will not prevent it. There is also the fact that you say you have symptoms that match up to DID but you don't know what you have, and a lot of people who have been diagnosed with DID here are vrey touchy about people thinking they have it when they have not been tested for it; because it is a very controversial diagnosis that many people do not believe. I also think it's unusual to have so much contact and awareness with alters before starting therapy to deal with the separate parts, even though I'm aware everyone's system operates differently. The way alters operate is to keep things blocked, which is why most people are unaware of them to an extreme extent, if that makes sense. With work in therapy, communication with them can open up, but it's unusual to know so much about them before beginning that work.

It's true that people here don't know everything about your life, and conversely you don't know about others' lives. You say we don't know how unstable you are, but you have to realize that most of the people on here are unstable as well, and that's why they're on this site. As far as making friendships, it's nice to be friendly and such on here, and many people are, but just keep in mind that not everyone will get along or agreee.

Don't let that message be the reason for a slip up - it's not worth it. And I'm not trying to come across as harsh or patronizing, I'm just being honest. I don't think you're a freak or you have messed anything up, you seem like a nice person.

I don't know you but ive seen some of your posts and comments to people. and if you did offened someone its not your problem because all you were doing was helping and theres nothing worng with that,i also think that you don't deserve to be in pain,dont let one person get to you

Say what you like, but no-one here has given up on you. I'm not leaving, for one. You might not believe you're strong, but you are. I used to self harm, myself. On and off since I was a young teenager for several years. I felt just the way you do now. You care about people, you want to help people. I'm here, we're here, to help 'you.'

It was an opinion but it's just hit me hard.
The first one had been with me for a long time, I've been hearing voices for a year.
And I only thought I had this because I told my friend's mum that I was hearing voices in my head and she said it was multiple personality disorder, and I trust her judgement because she's a psychoanalyst.
Everything was just bubbling under the surface and then that happened, and its reminded me as to why I started in the first place; because I felt guilty about who I was.
When my friend's mum suggested that I started listening to them, and then they came.
I feel like the sh*ttest person alive, I feel so horrible...

I bet your a great person. Do you see a doctor or any one. there is people around who care about you.dont let one person get to you

several good points in there, worded far better than I ever could.



people have differences of opinion, and people get defentcive about things which can sometimes make them sound as if they are getting at or insulting you when they are not meaning to do so.
Try not to let one PM get to you, and defantly try not to let it make you slip up.

I'm actually not a great person. I see a therapist, but she's completely useless when it comes to treating my depression but I can't be bothered to ask for anyone else; it just doesn't seem worth it.
I know it, I'm going to slip up, I've never felt this strongly about doing it before.
All I want to do is cry, but I'm at home so I can't.
I keep welling up... It's so hard to fight them back.
It's so hard not to break the glass that's in front of me and just slit my wrists.

what makes you think you aint a great person? it is worth it to see someone else they will be able to help you.

Because I'm not, I'm sh*t at relationships, I'm failing college and no one wants me around.
I can't be bothered to see someone else...
She's making an appointment for me to see a psychiatrist because of my hallucinations and delusions and stuff...

i can see plenty of people wanted you around.
a phsych will be able to help you.
try keeping your self distracted.

None of the friends I have at college or near where I live do...
Hopefully.
There's actually nothing I can do that will distract me, my mind is set on doing it, I've never wanted to do it this much before.
I just can't believe I c*cked everything up again

yeah but people on here do.
you didnt do anything wrong though.

I don't know what to say to make you feel better, so I'm just going to say that I know how you feel and that there will always be people on here that care about you and will sympathise

*cuddles* xxxxxxx

Well I did... Somehow.
It hurts.
Not even crying seems to be able to ease the pain...
I'm so sick of being me.

Hallucinations and delusions really don't sound like a part of Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Did your friend's mother tell you it was "multiple personality disorder" the day you said it? Diagnoses take a while to make, usually, especially with DID because they have to rule out a bunch of other possibilities accounting for memory loss. DID is not supposed to be diagnosed until at least two alters have presented themselves.
Did she say it was called multiple personality disorder? Hopefully she didn't use that term because it is outdated.

:'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

all you did was give someone advice so you dont need to feel bad for it and you deffo dont deserve to be hurting cause of it

Well I hear stuff, see stuff.
Think about things weirdly.
Feel out of myself a lot, like I'm not here and none of this is real.
Have the worst memory, I forget days, and have periods where I forget what I'm doing.
I have rages that come and go.
A friend of mine encourage my alters to talk with hers.
And she did use that term.

Yeah but it turned out to be bad advice and now I've probably just made them worse

not eveyone thought that though,and i am sure it didnt make them worse.please dont plame yourself or hurt your self because it wasnt your falt

afraid I have to agree with Facet... I mean it took them 6 years to diagnose me, and even then it wasn't until my partner went in the speak to them that they managed to do that as he was more aware of what was going on with me than I was as I couldn't remember half of what I did/said let alone be able to explain what was going on... and even then they labeled me as DDNOS for ages as they wanted to "meet" an alter before puttin g the DID label down


though a lot of psychs do seem to still say MPD not DID, they seem to use them interchangably as some disagree with the name change :ermm:

have you ever brought up the dissociation topic with your therapist?

Yeah but I think it and it won't go away.
I should just go away, that would be the best thing for everyone.
I deserve to be hurt, I haven't done anyone any favours.

No I haven't seen her for two weeks
It's only happened recently
Cos I got recommended to the DID thread cos someone said it sounded like that
Then they got me talking with their alters as well apparently. I don't remember the conversations.

you don't deserve to be hurt. noone deseerves tobe hurt

Well I do cos I've just screwed everything over completely

you haven't, and even if you had you still wouldn't deserve to be hiurt

I really have...
I'm so angry with myself.

I thought this could be the one place where I wouldn't annoy someone.
But I've outshone myself, once again.