*urgent* my kelly is in hospital....help?

[pea soup]

it came out of the blue...well...kind of.

these past few weeks shes been really depressed. her wound has almost healed but she hasnt.

when her depression hits..it hits hard.

she seemed fine this morning...she was watching a movie and laughing.

but then later we had an argument that was really stupid.
and im always telling her she needs to spend moe time with her kids (which i do). but i think im only adding to her guilt. its so hard because i see both her children here and she doesne pay much attention to them.

and my baby is so far away and God knows what i would do to have him close to me. i feel she takes alot fro granted and i tell her so.

this afternoon she told me she was calling crisis because she was seriously suicidal. i offered to take her directly to the hospital to avoid ambulances and police coming to our home in front of the kids.

i dropped her off with her bags and left.

ive had 3 flashbacks today already. i feel like im drowning. im so scared. i try to take care of Kelly and myself and keep the peace between the family and i just feel exhausted.

im so afraid for her. i know she has so much guilt but doesnt know how to express it.
and now i feel like complete **** for pushing her to this point.
im glad shes going to get some help..but still...

and now im going to be here alone for the first time which is terrifying to me.

someone talk to me if you can.
im going to keep busy for a while folding loads of laundry.
i just feel like im coming out of my skin and dont know which way is up or down.

im so scared.
xxxxxxxxxxxx

[hurtnpain]

am crap with words so have lots of hugs x

[blondiebear]

Rachel dear,
Your comment was not why Kelly was suicidal. She was already having depression and problems with her ADs. She spent weeks recovering from that awful spider bite and what it did to her. Being that sick for that long is awful, even when you are on the mend. I've been there and done that even though it was a different illness.

I'm sorry that you had the fight with Kelly. These things do happen. If this didn't put her at the breaking point, something else might have, even something she saw on TV.

I'm sorry that the flashbacks are coming back. I'm sorry that you are so scared.

I think folding laundry is fine. Think of it as a tactile/touch form of grounding. When I get very upset or nervous, I do housework too. And i despise housework.

By taking Kelly to the hospital, you did what you needed to do to protect her kids. Often in a relationship, one partner is busier than the other so the other ends up spending more time with the kids. There is nothing wrong with that. You're loving them and taking care of them, food, sleep and cuddles. That is great.

I understand about being alone at night. I don't like being at home alone overnight. I've gone on business trips with Philip instead. I could live with going to San Francisco a few years ago, it is in the same state. Philip told me where some essential things were and I looked at the map and found the book store and the four story fabric store.:whistling: :tongue2: But Minneapolis/St.Paul in January? That was too special for words.:eek: I don't own that kind of clothing.:laugh:

Since Kelly's parents live next door, do you want to take the kids and spend the night over there? Or will they mind if you phone them in the middle of the night?

*looks to see if skin in place*
*gives you a understanding hug*
Love, Susan

[dark_light]

Honey i'm so sorry you have to deal with all this
I'm not great today so sorry if this is crap, but i'm here and i will try my best
please let me know if there is anything i can do
flashbacks are awful, i don't know what to advise but try and stay grounded and focused on something
huge hugs and masses of love
Jo xxxxx

[blondiebear]

*wanders in. gives you a hug. goes out to pick out and eat the raisins in trail mix*

[pea soup]

thank you so much guys.

im not keeping the kids. her daughter is 13 and her son is 4.

im not comfortable keeping them alone because of the damn flashbacks. i know it scares her daughter but i dont think her son knows what is happening. plus when i lose time....i have NO IDEA what ive done or anything.
that was the reason i sent my own son away....the constant dissociating. it was alot worse back then. i lost days at a time and was raising a 5 year old by myself. it became too dangerous for him.

Kelly's parents know that i cant keep her son on my own because of this. its so embarassing but much better safe than sorry.

the first flashback i had in front of her son.....i "came to" with him holding my face and crying my name. it was so sad and horrible. plus the fact that with a 4 year old they need constant supervision. and with the flashbacks and dissociations...im not safe:crying:

i never thought i would never be safe for a child. i love them to pieces. i do help alot with Kaleb when Kelly is here.and i play with him too. but im afraid to do it alone.

i feel so useless that i cant even help with the kids while shes sick and in the hospital. what a wonderful wife i am....

please pray or whatever you do for my Kelly. ive cried all my tears out already.

thanks again guys.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[blondiebear]

Rachel,
I'll find you wherever you are. That's what friends do. Just be warned that when Philip and I are on our next road trip to Atlanta GA, I'll want a tour of the fabric stores in your city.:-p

I'm so sorry that you can't take care of the kids. Now I understand more about your baby. I have to totally admire you for loving them enough to let them go and make sure they are where they can be taken care of. That must be heartbreakingly difficult!

There are times I'm a poor wife too. You talked about folding laundry. For days there have been four loads on the floor, plus I have two pieces of fabric I have to pre wash. Philip did the dishes yesterday too cause he was tired of the stinking cat food dishes. You're trying!

Can you go spend the night with your in-laws? If nothing else, with a pillow and blanket on the rug?

I will keep Kelly in my prayers. If you talk to her, please say "Hi" to her from me?

Of course I'll say prayers for you too. I'll probably stop by here a couple of extra times/day to see how you're doing.

*gives you a hug*
Love Susan

[pea soup]

:crying:

[blondiebear]

What's going on? With Kelly? With you?
*grabs tissues. gives you a cuddle-hug*

[eeyore86]

awh rachel honey i'm here if you want to talk.

please be gentle with yourself and do some soothing activities, curl up in front of the tv with a milky drink and take some sleeping tablets if you need them.

im here if you need me, loads of love and huggles

mary
xxxxxx

[pea soup]

i think i may need the hospital soon!!!!

im so freaking lonely. i havent been COMPLETELY alone in years.
this house is way too quiet.

and to top it all off.....there are MAJOR storms headed our way. they are moving east out of Arkansas. and theyre gonna be bad!!!!
i pretty much know quite a bit about the weather because i SAW a tornado while at work. it was only across the street from us. it was an f4 and destroyed absolutely everything in its path. it left our little store standing. ive always been fascinated with tornadoes but that day my fascination ended. i never want to come into contact with another one!!!!

i wouldnt be so upset about this if we didnt live in a mobile home(trailer, whatever).
but all it takes to turn our home upside down is a wind gust of over 60 MPH.
anything above that can rip it to shreds.:crying:

i dont have anywhere to go except her parents and from the looks of the radar and the forecast...the damn storms wont be hitting until after midnight.i feel awkward at her parents with out her.

plus im worried about HER!!!! she's in the hospital on whatever floor theyve got her on....way up high!!!! ok...i KNOW im paranoid. i try to be logical but damnit when it comes to bad weather...i freeze!!!
im panicked...yep...im panicked.....dont know what to do except wait...and i feel like im waiting for my doom. i just got my meds refilled today and i have sleeping tablets but damn if i take them i wont know whats coming!!!!
jesus!!!! please just let tomorrow get here with us all in one piece and our hearts beating.

[pea soup]

oh...forgot to mention...i look like i have a black eye!!!
after all the crying i did it chapped the area under both my eyes. but one is worse than the other and sore as hell. and i dont want to see anyone and have to explain that i chapped my own ****ing skin because i cried so much!!!!

[pea soup]

ok im just going to keep talking here for a bit since i have NO ONE to call.
how ****ing sad is that?
Keith isnt home yet or id call him.
my sis isnt speaking to me which is really hurting my feelings. i need her right now but ONCE again she's never there.

i swear i hate being around alot of people but i would love to have a room full of people around me right now.

ive got my music playing which does help but if i sing to it...it doesnt sing back...and then the conversation makes no sense!!!!!

God...im missing everyone ive lost....my father, JarJar, little Jimmy, Lily(Amelia), my great grandmother, my cousin, both my aunt and uncle who killed themselves:crying:.

maybe im finally losing it????
but guess what???
this time i DONT want to lose it. which is quite different from the other times ive felt this way.

usually when i get this lost, empty, dissociated feeling...i just let it take me. but not this time. im fighting it. i want to stay in recovery.
ive thought a few times that this would be a perfect time to drink...no one would know etc....but I WOULD know. and the fact is...i dont want the ****.
all it'll do for me is make me puke and give a helluva headache. im not a casual drinker. i guzzle.

hmmm...what now......i miss my dog...Bear Bear. i thought of him last night while lying in bed by myself. he always slept with me. i really missed him last night. he was so huge (rottweiler). but oh so sweet.

thats it for now.....

[effervescence]

i'm glad you don't want to lose it.
have you had the storms yet? im too crazy today to work out the time difference between us? hope everything is ok and the weather passes and stops freaking you out.
i think you are SO strong to be able to let go of the kids, especially your son, to make sure they are ok. It's incredible how strong you are and how unselfish. :)
I hope kelly is ok. you did the right thing taking her to hospital. she will be being looked after.
i hope you are both ok.
was it you who suggested i may have PMDD? i remember you replied to me with much appreciated sympathy, i think it was you who suggested it. if you like you can think of me stuck here alone in my room with F*cking Painful period cramps lol. *cuddles* xxx

[pea soup]

hi,

yep....it was me. im sorry bout your cramps. and i do have PMDD. it sucks butt!!!!

the storms havent reached us yet. they should be here around 8 or 9 pm...which is 2 or 3am your time, i think.

ive just spoken with Kelly. they are going to keep her 5 to 6 days.
there are NO visiting hours which is ridiculous.

i miss her her SO much. i remember when i visited Keith and she cried like a baby when i left. i thought she was crazy. but NOW...i completely understand. its only been one night and im going mad. i honestly dont know how i'll make it for 5 or 6 more days. i know i sound so dramatic and im sorry.

****...it just thundered. i looked at radar on weatherbug. bad stuff isnt even here yet. damnit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate being this scared. and i really hate being ALONE and this scared.
:crying:

[pea soup]

ok damnit....my fav show House is on in 20 minutes. and i REALLY want to watch it!!!!!

then i plan to go to her parent's.
its still thundering but nothing bad.
please...please let it wait till House is over!!!!

[MammaMia]

I have nothing for you hun and I wish I did.
But you're so strong sweetie and I know that's hard to believe at times.
You can get through this and Kelly will be out soon.
Huggggggge hugs
xxxx

[blondiebear]

Hi Rachel,
I just checked out weather channel on line. So far you're not in tornado warning, just tornado watch. Here it is a severe weather alert if there is an inch of rain. :rollfloor:
I wish I had some answers for you. I'm going to be here at RYL for a bit longer but then Philip is home and I'm hungry. Mac n cheese, I so don't cook. Not even during a one inch of rain flash flood alert.

I'm sorry that you won't be able to see Kelly. Will you be able to talk to her on the phone?

Even though you're uncomfortable going over to your in laws, if there is a tornado warning, go one over. You are worth being safe. Take some lotion and put dabs of it on under your eyes.

I know about the booze. Though Tequila was my poison of choice. You and I both know that there is nothing a drink won't make worse.

You mentioned Bearbear. Last night after a nightmare I found Bozo the 19 year old cat next to my hip and my fingers were dug into his fur. Normally he sleeps at our feet so that was a surprise and more so that he didn't mind my fingers dug in.

I'm off to put some water on to boil. I'll check back before I go to bed. Both the weather radar and you.

Love, Susan

[pea soup]

im here at her parent's.
i took sleeping pills and slept for about 3 hours.
its only 11pm.
from radar..it looks like everything went past while i was sleeping.
i think most of it was heavy rain.
i guess i'll go ahead and stay here tonight since im already here.
xxx

[effervescence]

glad u missed the worst of the weather. sleep is good :)
can u ring kelly? no visiting hrs sucks!!
hope you're ok and not feeling too uncomfortable at her parents'.

[Casper_Fading]

Oh honey i'm sorry things are bad right now *cuddles you tight* pm me any time you want okay? You CAN get through this rach, you're so much stronger than you think. I KNOW you can do this!

Jess

[blondiebear]

How are you doing this morning?

[pea soup]

:crying:
im not good.

ive been taking sleeping tablets all day just to keep myself unconscious. not to worry, im ok. and please dont tell me i shouldnt do this because i ALREADY KNOW.

i didnt realize i was this weak. i guess it takes tests like these to realize who you really are. and im a weak, scared, little pathetic girl.

i took Kelly her contact solution earlier but i had to put her stuff on the FLOOR of the elevator and send it up!!!!!
THAT pissed me off.
i knew that i couldnt see her but for christs sake....putting her stuff on the nasty elevator floor!!! can they become anymore degrading????

she's coming home friday and thank God for it.
but its only tuesday and i think by then i may have lost my mind.
im really really not doing well.

i have an appt. on thursady about my breast reduction. i wont be going. its an hour and a half drive. and i just cant do it by myself. plus it supposed to be storming and i just CANT do it.
then on friday i have my meds doc appt. but wont be going there because im picking Kelly up.

this has been the worst ****ing week ive had in a VERY long time.

God...how i want to run that ****ing blade deep into my skin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pea soup]

erm....

i really need someone to tell me to leave the god damn blades alone because im sitting about 4 feet away from the dish drainer. and it has a very nice, sharp, shiny, *thing* in it. and it is SCREAMING at me!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wanted soooooooooooooooooo bad to have clear arms for this summer!!!! and im doing it so far. but this is so much. its taking control. and ive had control for so long!!!!! i cant let it have me again.:crying:

if i do one cut....i'll do many more...and they will only get deeper and deeper until i need stitches. since i passed that threshold of deep to DEEP...i always need stitches now or im not satisfied. its like ive wasted my time if i dont cut to my satisfaction. if i do...i'll have to drive myself to hospital. and God help...they are liable to put me right up there with Kelly. hmmm.................NO NO NONNO NO NO NO NMO...see where my head goes???????

i just need to take shower and calm down. i havent eaten a bite in 2 days. and i couldnt eat right now if i wanted to. im living off dr pepper and cigarettes.

[Pomegranate]

*hugs you* I hope you are feeling a little better after your shower. You have been through so much and you are coping so well considering all of that. I wish you realised how strong you really are and how much people, at least in this community, look up to and respect you. You don't need to cut to 'fix' anything, because you already know it won't help. I know how tempting it can be, especially when it seems like everything around us is calling us to it, but you are BETTER than that. You don't need it to cope. You need love and support. Let us give you a bit of that whilst Kelly is in hospital.

Please take care of yourself
xxxxxx

[pea soup]

thank you so much.
i DO need you guys support and it means soooo much to me.

i havent managed to have a shower yet. ive just been on the phone with Kelly. then i had to call her mom and let her know whats going on. then i talked to her daughter and told her that she is welcome to come over anytime and to bring Kaleb.

they are coming over tomorrow to spend some time. that makes me feel a bit better.

when i talk to Kelly i try my best to stay strong but always end up crying. Kelly is doing really well. she was a heavy smoker and she hasnt had ONE cig since shes been there. they gave her a patch and some gum. im so very proud of her. she sounds well on the phone. and she is going to to do an intensive OP therapy for 2 weeks once she gets out. its from 9am-2pm mon through fri. i think it will be so good for her.

i love her so very much. this is my first female relationship. ive always known i was a lesbian...i just didnt know how to go about meeting women. i am SOOOOOOOOOO blessed to have found my Kelly.

bless her....everytime we talk....she is worried about ME!!!! i keep telling her to focus on herself because this is about her!!!!

God how i miss her......

im NOT going to harm myself.
thank you lifeisabitch...sorry i dont know your name.
loves.
xxxxx

[blondiebear]

Hi Rachel,
I don't see any problem with living off Dr.Pepper. I drink an incredible amount of Pepsi One and Diet Rite. The recommended diet from people who are getting over tummy flu or food poisoning is the BRAT diet, bananas, rice, applesauce and toast. You might see if you could eat any of those.

Contact lens stuff on the floor of an elevator? Major ick! Couldn't there have even been a basket or tray? Yeuch!:hazard:

Since there will be storms, have you rescheduled your appointments about the meds and about the breast reduction? I understand about driving in the storms, I'll spare you the story. So you don't feel bad about missing the appointments, can't you reschedule them? Might one of your inlaws go with you to the one for breast reduction since it is so far away?

It is okay if you miss Kelly.

It is not okay if you SI. If you haven't yet, take that tool off the drainboard and put it away.

Take care of yourself. Be good to yourself. Forgive yourself for your strong emotions.

I'll check in on you later. If I don't see another post from you does this mean you're okay or does it mean you've reached toxic levels of DrPepper and are burp singing "Dixie" to entertain yourself?

*gives you a big cherishing bear hug*
Love, Susan

[pea soup]

i just talked to Kelly to tell her goodnight.

she got angry with me because they have taken he off of her pain meds. we take the same pain meds. she asked me if i was going to continue mine. i hesitated...then said yes.

she got angry and i started crying and told her i had to go and would talk to her later. i tried calling back and they told me that she had gone to bed and that calling hours were over anyhow.

i want to die.
im alone all night and i want to die.
this isnt a threat....but if you dont see me around...you'll know why.

[blondiebear]

You're not alone. We're here.
Perhaps at the hospital they think that Kelly is well enough healed from the spider bite and infection that she doesn't need the pain meds. Maybe they think that the side effects of the pain meds are adversely affecting her.
I don't think this is about you as a couple. It needs to be about you as individuals and about your individual physical and medical needs. I'm not speaking against marriage. Just sometimes within the relationship, the spouses do different things. My husband and I both take meds for blood pressure, but he takes four times as much as I do.

You don't need to die. It is okay to hurt. It is okay to be lonely. As awful as they feel, they are survivable.
I'll be looking for you and checking up on you.

*gives you a hug*

[pea soup]

she called back.

i told her i loved her.
we said good night,

i think im really bad for Kelly. she has enough to deal with without me. i know my flashbacks were stressing her to the max. she said so. ive had 5 today. and have had alot of pain meds. im so tired of fighting this. the flashbacks alone leave me debilitated. i need to be on a deserted island somewhere so i cant hurt anyone anymore. its never been my intention to hurt those around me...it just happens.

i cant kill myself. i cant do that to the ones i love.
but you know that voice that sometimes tells you "they'd be better off without you"? well its speaking to me REALLY loud right now.

how do i keep myself from causing her pain???
i cant control the flashbacks. despite all the grounding techniques.....they get me.
i cant keep doing this to her.....even if its out of my control. it isnt fair to her. but i cant leave her and the kids either. i dont see a solution. i have no answers.

i feelel disosciton cocm

[effervescence]

"how do i keep myself from causing her pain???" - by telling her how you are. tell her when you are having troubles, tell her when you are happy, and what makes you happy, tell her what makes you sad, and why. she will want to know. my boyfriend (of 3.5 yrs) is constantly saying he wants to know when I feel down and when i SI. Sometimes i dont tell him,but ive been telling him more and more recently, becuse i know that he wants to know. it hurts them more not to know.

"its never been my intention to hurt those around me...it just happens" - it happens because you love them! and they love you! otherwise they wouldn't care so much. whenever i used to move to a new place i used to tell myself i would not make friends cos it would hurt too much to leave them. but it never worked. this is the beauty and the pain of human emotion and the ability to love. it is wonderful and capable of so much joy and so much suffering as well. but it's......it's so important as well. think about what you said, - "i cant kill myself. i cant do that to the ones i love" - this is basically my only reason for living, but it's keeping me here, cos it's the oly thing that really matters.

hope this wasn't too much of a ramble. take care xx

[Casper_Fading]

Hi dear, you CAN do this. Could you maybe ask kelli's mum to go with you to your appt on thursday? And could you pick kelli up a little later and go to your meds appt. YOu NEED that. YOU NEED IT SO MUCH. And if you asked her if she'd mind waiting... and why. What do you think she would say? Honey, just keep talking yourself through this. Keep coming here. YOU CAN DO THIS! I Have faith in you. Lots of faith. Just keep yoru goal in your mind. Clear arms for summer! You can do this. I KNOW YOU CAN!

[blondiebear]

Your relationship with Kelly will be okay. You're just going through a rough patch right now.

How are you this morning? Do you need a run to the grocery store to get more Dr.Pepper?

[pea soup]

thank you so much guys.

i had a long dissociation last night. i felt it coming and i couldnt stop it. i just know i woke up this morning but dont know what time i went to bed.

so far today i have, in fact, gone and gotten more dr pepper. and i rescheduled my med appt. for monday which is only 2 more days from my original one.

ive also rescheduled the surgeon appt. for the 21st.

i still dont feel quite myself. im usually ok in the morning but as night gets closer....."IT" sets in. i dont know what to call "IT".

thank you again guys.
loves.
xxxxx

[pea soup]

i AM feeling a bit stronger today....but the flashbacks keep coming. 3 so far today.

i can manage them by myself....but its scary when i "come to" and no one is here.
ive always depended on Kelly to be here to cuddle me. i sound so ****ing selfish.

i wish i could talk to Kelly but they keep them busy in groups all day and dont tur the phones till 5pm. then sometimes they have an evening group and tun the phones back off.

as far as the pain meds go....im taking lots of them. i cant function(walking, standing, going to the bathroom etc) without them. and they are narcotic and very high dosage. Kelly took the same med but they have taken her off it because its a narcotic. she cant even have her valium there!!!

she says she's a nervous wreck and shes been taking valium for years. i dont understand why they would take her off them especially right now.

im going to run out of my pain meds very early this month. and going through the withdrawals is hell. i dont know if im mentally addicted to them but i know i physically am. anyone would be after taking such a high dose.

withdrawals arent life threatening...just really uncomfortable...and relying on OTC meds such as ibuprofen is like a joke.

i guess the heating pad and ice will have to suffice. i feel like crying because i dont want to go through anymore pain today or any other day for that matter.

im scared to run out of meds but im going to damnit. i take more than im supposed to because the pain is soo soo extreme. i dont know how i survived it as a child. my therapist said dissociation saved my life. but now its coming back to bite me in the ass.

sorry to keep posting. im just really lonely. i want to sleep but cant.

[Mandimoo]

hey hun, sorry i havent been here.
you see families from a different angle than Kelly does. You have a family that seemingly don't care, are never about for you and in fact seem intent on backstabbing you. Then there's Keith, the one who you would die for, the one who you in fact live for, the only one who cares... the only one you can't have.

You are doing the right thing by having someone else look after Kelly's kids. You know you can't be properly responsible. You are doing an unselfish thing, you are protecting them.

Kelly will likely change moods quite a bit with meds coming and going and i imagine she is in quite a bit of pain too. Keep trying with her. Be patient and don't take anything hurtful to heart.

Try and keep focused, maybe stop re-arranging appointments and go to some. It will give you something to aim for, it will break up the time alone into more manageable periods. Get on with living. Show Kelly that you can survive without her while she recuperates. Be strong. I know it's hard. Love you rachie, mand x

[blondiebear]

Is it too early to get another prescription for the pain meds or to get the prescription refilled? Is the pain med for the flashbacks and dissociation? If you can't function without them, talk to the doctor. Is there one that might be more effective?

If ibuprofin doesn't do it and heating pads and ice packs aren't enough, it is okay to keep asking for help. It is easier to function and easier to heal if you don't have to fight the pain too. If you are fighting the pain then you don't have the resources to function and heal.

Sorry I don't have any solutions for the sleep. I'm checking your thread a couple of times a day to see if you have any news about Kelly or about you.

*gives you a hug*

[pea soup]

thanks again you guys. love you manda.

ive just spoken to Kelly. her daughter and i are going there tomorrow to have a group meeting with her counselor. im nervous but i know its a good thing.

she's really really moody right now which i expected she would with all the med changes.

ALL she is taking ight now is an AD. she was taking AD's, pain meds, and valium when she went in...and theyve cut he off of all except the AD.

PLUS..she smokes...and she hasnt had a cig, shes been chewing gum and wearing a patch which has made her really grumpy.

she MAY get to come home tomorrow but shes not sure. if not...then definitely friday.

i would love to take my ambien and go straight to bed now but guess what??? there are more storms coming!!!!!

i may say to hell with it and knock myself out anyway. idk.
im ready for tomorrow to be here.

love you guys.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[blondiebear]

Is it tornadoes that are coming? If not, go sleep.

Love, Susan

[effervescence]

good luck for the group meeting. hope it is constructive. my counsellor today said i have to start doing art again to release my emotions - would art therapy or something else be any help?

what are your pain meds for hun? cos it sounds like OTC meds are useless (i agree with this), can you get any codeine?

hope you can get some sleep tonight.

[pea soup]

i dont think there will be tornadoes so i will probably try and sleep.

im taking vicodin(hydrocodone) which is a mixture of aceitamenaphen and codeine. im taking the highest dose recommended but sometimes i do have to take more and i end up running out. i originally started taking them for my back until i have the breast reduction. but since the flashbacks have become so extreme and frequent i mostly take them for that.

but no medical doc will prescribe pain meds for flashbacks even though it is PROVEN in the psychiatric field that flashbacks can cause extreme pain. my psych told me that she would prescribe me pain meds if she could because she knows how bad they are and ive been seeing her for 4 years now. but psychiatrists cannot prescribe pain meds. its all just a big mess.

i will live on ibuprofen and heating pad and ice. i had one refill left on the meds so i have to go back to my medical doc for another prescription. plus im in the process of trying to get the consult from the surgeon about the reduction. once my breasts are reduced i wont b\need the meds for my back. but ive been relying on them for flashbacks more than ever now.
and im a bit scared that once i dont have them...idk.

i broke down and am using a crutch tonight because my legs just wont hold me up. im not overweight....my legs just wont hold me up because of pain.
i just cant get the med docs to understand that. if they cant SEE it....its not there....grrrrrr.

[effervescence]

yes indeedy doctors can be very aggrivating. u poor thing :( my back is partially ****ed up so i have much sympathy for you *HUGS*
i am off to a chemistry lecture (yay) so if i manage to stay awake through it i will check on you later and hopefully you won't reply cos u will have gone to sleep!! (this makes sense in my own head lol)
night night x

[blondiebear]

Do you have a primary care physician, someone you go to regularly? Can't your psychaitrist consult with that person, perhaps even provide a couple of references to medical articles about pain and flashbacks so the regular doc will prescribe the pain meds?

But yeah, docs are dumb. In my experience pharmicists know more about side effects of meds than the docs do.

It is okay to use a crutch or even two of them if it helps.

Get some sleep if you can. I'm off to do that myself. We're getting some late season rain tonight so I want to listen to it too. I'll check in on you in the morning.

*gives you a gentle caring hug*

[pea soup]

Kelly's home!!!!!

she got to come home with us after the session.
im so happy shes back.
she will be doing intensive OP for 2 or 3 weeks. she starts tomorrow.

thank you all for your support since she's been in hospital. you all mean the world to us.
loves.
xxxxx

[Pomegranate]

I am so happy for you both. I hope you and your family continue healing and find the happiness you all deserve really soon x

[Casper_Fading]

How's itdoing honey? YOu guys going alright? I'm glad she's okay :)

[pea soup]

its been rocky. they took her off her valium and narcotic pain meds which has been hard with the withdrawals.
they have her on a pain med but it isnt nearly as effective.
and she has nothing for anxiety which is making things kind of a "touch and go".

but she's home and im grateful for it.

thanks all you guys.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[blondiebear]

Glad to hear that things are on the mend.

Please let us know how the healing goes?