Rivers crisis house

[havealittlefaith]

Hey guys ,

Don't know if anyone has been here I came here last night ..... Kind of got conflicting feelings about it all to be honest ...... I mean it's small but it has that clinal feel to it ... On the plus the longest you can stay is 2 weeks ..... I had to try not to say oh good when they old me there self ahrm policy but it sucks Cuz I'm not allowed out for 24 hours so that is untill tonight I brought 2 pairs of clothes in my bag which of course I want to go and change at home I would t even call the shower a shower seriously ..... It's like a shoe box ..... I'm not even sure ..... I guess this is suppose to stop all the 136 from happening .... It's quiet here but there all male patients and old which can get me a little frightened when they come up behind me but staff have been nice to me so far I just feel awful Cuz I feel like I've let everyone down and Ive deserted mich when she needs me and I'm scared I've made her worser ......

Sorry I needed to get this all out ...

[jessmarie123]

Hang in there, it'll be alright. Just keep fighting for yourself. Don't worry about letting others down. Everyone makes mistakes and needs help sometimes.

[noodlzzz]

I've been offered to go there. What's it like?

[Wonderland.]

Rules are put in place for you and everyone elses safety. Not going out for a day isn't the end of the world, you can pick up some more clothes in when you are allowed out. Or you could get someone to bring you some in.

[havealittlefaith]

I screwed it up I didn't return last night and so yeah it's so clinical like it feels like a hospital ward but maybe that's cuz it's on the Hospitsl grounds you have to go over to the day centre for lunch on a week day they don't do set key workers everyone works toghether suppose to has 1:1 2/3 times a day , have to be on you room by 11/12pm the rooms are tiny and not even proper I was so cold, I self harm whilst there ../

[JusC]

Hi run with sissors. No u havent let anyone down. I havent spoken to u in a while but if u want to then u can PM me.

Its good to know that ur safe right now and where u are ur getting treatment for it but why are u in a home? Are u not at college right now or at work? Im not sûre whats happening right now ?

Hope ur ok

Im here if u wanna talk.

[havealittlefaith]

I got kicked out of rivers I didn't go back and they sang police but the police has left me alone zoe gonna b mad tommorow

[Wonderland.]

How are you feeling?

Have you got somewhere safe to stay tonight?

[havealittlefaith]

Feeling a bit like it wasn't really helping anyway nothing is helping me so yeah ..... I'm not even sure anymore .... Perhaps I'll die... Seeing zoe at midday ..... Wonder if she will be annoys wirh me ..

[sherlock holmes]

I'm kind of wondering about what you mean when you say "perhaps I'll die"? You said it quite flippantly in the way someone might say "perhaps I'll eat pizza for lunch", almost as if you don't really know what to do next.

I don't think you really, truly want to die. Your behaviours come across as someone who is quite desperate and insecure, but also at times a bit childish. You've been given lots of support and recently all you post on RYL about is how you've repeatedly ran away and had the police called on you. I think you need to sit down and think about if you want to be helped or not, and how you can engage with that help.

If it feels too intrusive to be in hospital then what can help you in the community that you will engage with?

[havealittlefaith]

Well I think you hit the nail on the head!

Well still see zoe every week and I can always use crisis
Team I rang them last night ...

[Wonderland.]

Do you find Zoe's support helpful?

What is it that you feel you need to work on to stay safe?

We are here if you need to talk.

[havealittlefaith]

Sometimes zoe helps sometimes she doesn't Cuz she can't make it all stop and she won't eben let me has sleeping meds so I has to cope with ****ed sleep atm ...

I wish I knew what needed to change to feel safe :( x

[Wonderland.]

Perhaps she thinks there is too high a risk of you overdosing to give you sleep meds.

Have you ever tried an OTC sleep medications? They may be worth looking into depending on interactions with any other medications you are on.

What is triggering you to feel unsafe?

[havealittlefaith]

I'm not allowed no meds full stop not even anti D's oh man sometimes
I wish someone could go over her head


Idk tbh im not im technically unsafe just make stupid decisions Cuz I don't value anything or think things can be good Cuz things went crappy and I try and it's not good enough but Blah when I drink n sh it helps ... People think I'll accidenlty die :.

[youonlyliveonce]

This is a very borderline stylie
No one can save U u have to do that they can only help U if u ask for it i the right away

[havealittlefaith]

Well I am bpd so but still you don't have to be so offensive :(

[Pi.R^2]

In terms of the meds, have you had your review with Dr P yet? He's planning to see everyone at some point soon to meet them. Perhaps you could mention to him your thoughts on wanting to try meds?

Hope you're staying safe. I would recommend looking into Drayton Park crisis house, if you are in their catchment. It's all female and feels like a house rather than a hospital!

[youonlyliveonce]

It wasn't meant to be offensive I'm also borderline

[Iamcatbug]

This is a very borderline stylie
No one can save U u have to do that they can only help U if u ask for it i the right away

Well I am bpd so but still you don't have to be so offensive :(

Run with scissors- I don't think youonlyliveonce was being intentionally offensive. I think what she was trying to say was that you need to want to help yourself to get better, she wasn't saying it in a nasty way, just that recovery takes work and you need to commit to it. Which is difficult, especially when you don't know what will help you in your recovery.

Anyway, I hope the support is helping you as it can be difficult to know what will or won't help.

[havealittlefaith]

Had my review with doctor P a while back ..... Even had my CPA review as well all bollocks.. Mich jusr came out of DRayton park ...

Seems like I got to manage myself

[youonlyliveonce]

What do you want people to do

[havealittlefaith]

I find that question like you except everyone else to take control for me when that is not true maybe I wooild like Z to be there more and maybe I would like to feel less alone

[Iamcatbug]

To be honest a lot of your posts do seem to read like you want people to do all the work for you, I'm sure it isn't intentional but it does come across that way. Especially when you make statements like 'I got to manage this myself'

I get that you want support to help you recover, but you have to be the one who does the work to recover. Have you asked them to help you? Or have they asked you what you think would help?

i know when I was struggling to recover and saught support I did tell them that I didn't know what exactly would help me recover and was willing to try anything, so we ended up agreeing to try some coping stratagey therapy to help me learn to deal with the urges.

Anyway, the point is the professionals can't help you unless you are willing to get the help. You've mentioned a few times that Z isn't too helpful, could you ask for someone else?

[havealittlefaith]

I do ask for help no one knows exactly what to do with me im always told
I manage so well and am
So capable i rarely for help anyway but everything I acheive and do
Is done myself but it feels like im been gettin had a go at here

[youonlyliveonce]

People don't know how to help because u don't you need to work out if encouragement a kick up the arse someone to implement things

Like the saying goes people can't save you they can only walk along side you in the recovery

[Iamcatbug]

I'm sorry you think I'm having a go at you, I'm really not, I'm just trying to understand what, if any support has been offered to help you.

Just out of intrest have you told them that you disagree with them when they say you seem to be managing fine? What have they suggested you do?

Other than that is there anything we can do to help you?

[havealittlefaith]

I told her before she just keeps saying how im so capable and it frustrate her when j meds up Cuz I could achieve so much Blah blah so now I jsut feeling like what's the point....

I just wanted one person to tell menu dont have to always be bloody strong Cuz it feels like it's not okay to find things hard as even my worker thinks im capable

[Iamcatbug]

It sounds like your worker really is not helping you in the long term. Is it worth asking to see someone else who may be able to help you more.

Yes it is ok to find things hard from time to time, but sometimes we have to also know when we need to not sit back and let life overwhelm us and to fight for our recovery. Yes, that is sometimes easier said than done.

I hope you get the support you need soon as it sounds like you could really use it.

[havealittlefaith]

I come to the conclusion I will never get the support that im not worthy enough Cuz all I get told is I can do it alone and I can't see my own potentional it pisses me off big time , I wanna runaway im seeing my worker tommorow, thoughts to self harm are intense today ...

[Iamcatbug]

Would it be worth writing down some of the things you have said on here to show to your support worker? It might help them help you.

[havealittlefaith]

I jsut been at counciling crying my eyes out ... Made her promise not to ring my mh worker