My medication is poison

[Green Lantern]

The men have come back and they've told me that my medication is actually a slow acting poison that is building up in my system.

My wife has given me two options 1. Take it 2. She phones the hospital and gets me admitted (I know this is not an empty threat as the GP has already offered to organise things).

This leaves me really stressed out. I'm not ill and don't need hospital but I don't want to take ****ing poison either. Earliest I can see my psych would be Wed but I'm already fighting taking my medication and kind of hate my wife for trying to make me.

They just keep shouting at me and shouting at me and yesterday they had a faceless man hanging from a lampost as they laughed. I don't know what to do. I spoke to my therapist today and she seems to think I'm managing ok but it doesn't feel like it.

[Green Lantern]

Thank you for your reply. We've come to a compromise that I try to take all my meds bar the one that's really bad but it's still a struggle and I'm getting a lot of backlash for it. They're not new meds. What happened is the men went away to hassle some other people for a while to stop the world ending and they've come back to me and apparently a few weeks ago someone somewhere decided to switch my meds to poison and that's not compatible with their plan so I have to stop taking them.

I don't know if I'll get to see my psych on wed that's just the earliest. I'm also not 100% that the GP said that as I never saw her my wife just spoke to her when she ran in to pick up a repeat script. I have a grasp on this. I wish people would just leave me alone with it. I know the wife is scared and I don't hate her but I hate how involved with my 'care' she is sometimes especially when I'm not ill other than being goddamn fricking poisoned. Sorry I'm just so scared about this and yelling and what a mess. I need to know what the plan is but they're not sharing yet.

[Ballerina123]

Mediaction is poisonous. No psych knows how it works and that worries me. Now one knows the long term effects.

I feel you anxieties.

[sherlock holmes]

That's an incredibly unhelpful post to someone who's already incredibly anxious they are being poisoned.

You can't say that all medication is poisonous. Yes taking medication can bring about side effects, some medication like chemotherapy is quite harmful to the body but the benefits outweigh the risks. Doctors know the long term effects for many medications.

No medication is ever prescribed without the doctor being absolutely sure it's in the best interests of the patient.

And it's not true that "no psych knows how it works". It's quite well documented how many psychiatric medications work on the brain (source: biological psychology lectures at university).

Green Lantern it does sound like you're very anxious right now, I hope you're able to speak to your psychiatrist and get some reassurance.

[Green Lantern]

It felt like my heart almost stopped earlier and I'm convinced this is the work of poison.

I see my therapist tomorrow and my psych straight after and he has to take me off this medication or surely he's breaking the law by knowingly causing me harm? Is he really already doing that?

I know this is a thread about my medication but I'm really struggling with everything right now.

Sarah, it's Amy (Voldemort).

[what_the?]

Ames lovely, you do sound quite poorly at the moment.

I know it can be hard, but generally, although they can be complete knobs, psychs always act in your best interests.
-
I don't think your meds are poisoned, but if you're worried could you think about other ways of getting them that might be 'safer' for you - I know you've already made a compromise, but it could help.

What about getting them in a blister pack? So they're all set out with days and times, having been checked and double checked, so they couldn't possibly be poisoned.

I'm not sure any of this is helpful, but I'm thinking of you, and you know where I am.

[sherlock holmes]

Amy, so sorry I didn't recognise your username!

Is it worth going to the pharmacy/chemist where you pick up your medication and speaking to the head pharmacist? They might be able to reassure you that your medication is safe. Crazy idea, but maybe they could show you the boxes of medication and you can point out the box you want for your prescription?

Remember that funny feelings with your heart are often caused by stress and anxiety, which it sounds like you are experiencing right now.

I hope it goes well with your psych today.

[Snow White.]

Amy I don't have any words of advice but liek Sarah I didn't realise this was you and it is lovely to see you, I'm sorry you're struggling with this right now. Others have given good advice but I just wanted to say I am reading and I care, please keep reaching out here xxx

[Green Lantern]

Today was terrible. Therapy didn't go so great and then I had an appt with my psych straight after and it was a disaster. He's accusing me of refusing treatment but I'm not. I'm not. I don't wan to take poison. I don't want to. He tried to come to a compromise but I can't keep taking the pills. He wanted to take two weeks to halve the dose of one medication. I'm on 4. And that one was the newest. I'd be dead and then what would happen. I'm trying to do what's best for everyone. People like the world being here don't they?

He then said to go into hospital and be observed coming off them but that's irrelevant because they haven't been the prescribed meds for weeks. I think now I'm going to be monitored by my GP coming off them but he mentioned a mental health act. They can't do that. I'm not crazy or ill.

I'm not deliberately being difficult I'm so ****ing scared. I don't even know now. I want to believe they're not poison but I can't. I just can't. I almost walked out of the appt but didn't think it would go down well so I didn't.

[Snow White.]

I'm sorry it was so awful today. It sounds like such a hard position to be in.

What do you mean by "People like the world being here"?

[Green Lantern]

Just that the world is good to have in one piece. There's a plan. I can't die by poison.

Everything is too much. I feel like I'm going to explode. Ritzi tried to give me my meds and all I could do is cry. Can they really pull a mental health act for not taking poison? That doesn't seem fair. I don't know. I can't do this. Part of me just wants to take all of the tablets. All of the poison. Just get out of this.

[consequential]

You sound very unwell. You will have to take the medication or you will end up even worse. If you want to be in hospital then don't take it. i know how you feel though but you need to listen to your doctors.

[contorted willow]

Hi Green Lantern and all - I've been a member & lurker for a while but first post. Your plight GL hit me in a soft spot! :-)

I probably don't have the right to tell anyone anything about themselves but I'm an old bird who has lived several lives (this will become clear).

Mental Illness has an awful tag but as a general rule seems to be a normal reaction to a **** life...

Quote:
"There is no antidepressant that will cure a depression that's spiritually based, for the malaise doesn't originate from brain dysfunction, but from an accurate response to the desecration of life." -David R. Hawkins, Power vs. Force

The terrible things that happened to me starting from birth, created a human being that could only use mental processes in an attempt to protect me from my abusers. In order to process (or not process) the abuse I fragmented myself into many pieces. The deformation of my character is the result and I accept this.

I have many 'selves' all of which I believe are under control by the central 'self' (that would be me typing now lol) but sometimes one of the others becomes active and I'm then out of control...self harming, eating disorders, over-thinking, sadness, malaise, hopelessness etc...

I believe that when a 'self' becomes dominant that part (fragmentation) has unresolved issues. Which needs therapy to unravel and resolve.
Personally my 11-13 year old self has emerged as the most hateful, spiteful and destructive personality I have. She is well under my control, and rightly so, but she appears every now and then. I check myself frequently by asking myself questions e.g; why has that made you so angry?

As I shattered or fragmented myself into many pieces to avoid pain those pieces do not FEEL like me. They feel and seem like an outside force and their anxiety or aggression also feels like an outside entity. Either attacking or protecting me they ARE me and not outside of me.

I would say to you GL that the 'men' you are experiencing are perhaps similar to a 'man' I had who repeatedly kicked me. At first I thought this was an intrusive memory from past abuse. But determined to get to the bottom of it I found it through logical analysis to be a persecution anxiety.

1. Never happened with others in the room?
2. He had no identity (face) and never spoke?
3. How did he get in and out of my home?
4. No evidence suggesting he was real?

I did not recognize this man as part of me - I projected the man (anxiety) into the world and he bounced back to kick me in the ass lol disguised as an outside force.
This is a fragmented part of my brain (that I do not FEEL connected to) that projects something that feels alien to me (if it doesn't feel like me then it's not me), that is logical. But if you sit on your hand long enough it also won't feel like YOUR hand. It's still your hand but it doesn't feel like your hand, I hope you're following me.
This helped me a great deal once I realized I could say to the man "oh I'm obviously feeling very anxious about something, what is it?

Perhaps you're experiencing severe anxiety over taking medication that you do not fully understand. The 'men' could be your anxiety projected as an outside entity.
Perhaps you could ask a doctor to fully explain what the medication does. How the ingredients react to help you and perhaps your T could explore projection of the self? You're intelligent so there is no reason why you should not know how your mind is working and what is in your medication.

Remember; your mind will do ANYTHING to remain sane - it will also drive you insane trying to do just that!

Sending out love and light to all :-)