I just need someone to hear me
 

I'm sitting in my room at uni crying and I need to have someone hear what I'm saying, just to hear and sit with me and tell me that growing up doesn't need to be terrifying.

I'm just....stuck. I don't want to be at uni anymore, I want to be at home where someone else has responsibility for everything, where I'm safe, where I can just be. I want to be at home so my mum can look after me, I don't want to do it myself anymore, I'm tired of doing the right thing, doing the smart thing, being grown up. I'm tired of being the one who has to know the right thing to do for myself, for being the one to get myself up in the morning to go into uni and not having parents there to be the ones to do it. Not that when I was at home and school they had to force me in but...they were the ones to...I can't explain it. I tired of being the one who has to decide when I'm too ill to go, being the one to make the decision. I'm tired of being the one who sits in her room crying every so often because she just feels so alone and sad. I'm tired of hearing the people outside having fun and not going out to join them. I'm tired of being the outsider. I'm tired of being me. I'm tired of pretending I can do this course, that I'll be able to practise, that I'll be able to go out into the big wide world and leave all this behind. I'm tired of pretending that the course and uni will help me leave this me behind because it won't. I'll always be me, the one who can't drive in new places she doesn't know, who can't drive along roads she's never been down, who can't go into the same shop twice in one day when she's forgotten something because she's scared of what they'll think, who can't bring herself to go down and join people outside, who can't put herself outside her comfort zone, who doesn't want to do this course or the job it leads to but can't admit it to anyone.

Sorry. I'm just feeling so awful tonight and I'm all alone :ermm:

Aw, man. Sorry you feel like that :/
You have two options.
One, stay and wait it out/try and adjust.
Two, quit and go home. My friends Sister went to Uni and she was really homesick, so it's not unusual (: And I bet there are others feeling just the same as you.
If you do want to stay, you could maybe join a club? Find other people with similar interests in the club? Become better friends with your room mates?
Moving is hard to adjust to, but everything takes a while and if this course makes your future, I think you should stick with it.
Stay safe (:
.xo

Thank you for replying. But I can't quit uni a second time, I just can't. At Easter, I start a full time placement so I can't join any clubs because I'll have to leave then anyway. The idea of the placement is scaring me so much but...leaving isn't an option. I'm just too tired at the moment. Chances are I'll be alright in a few days, it's just getting through those few days...

The last few days of something are mostly always, weirdly, the hardest D:? Get some rest and think things over when you're rational (:
Things get better, it just takes time. (:
.xo

I can't tell you that growing up isn't terrifying because honestly, it is. Having to do things you haven't needed to do before is always going to be a challenge. I've not lived away from home before so I can't relate to what your experiencing but I can relate to not wanting to take on responsibility for all the decisions in my life.
Unfortunately, nearly everyone has to do it at some point but just because your growing up, it doesn't mean you can't have support from family, friends and outside agencies if you need it.