Really struggling tonight
 

I'm really struggling tonight.
I have suicidal thoughts and I think I will act on them if I don't get help.

I'm under HTT twice a day at the moment and they just came. They said how are you and I said I'm fine. I don't know why I said that because I'm not fine, I'm really struggling.

I need some hugs and support.

I have a curse on me and it's hurting my friends. I can't see one of them getting ill and that's all my fault. I'm such a bad person.

I don't think I can ring HTT because they would ask why I didn't say something when they came round. I could maybe call them in a couple of hours.

I really wanna OD.

I feel homicidal too. I want to go out on the street and kill someone. I can't get the thoughts out of my head.
I'm a horrid person!

Your not a horrible person you are having a rough time. I would ring HTT - who cares if you didn't mention it before... Your mentioning it now! Please get some support

You're not a horrid person at all. You're a person who is struggling alot and would want someone to help her. Giving them a call is responsible. And it shows that you know you need help. Okay you may not have told them what was wrong when they came out but that's no reason why you can't call them and explain how you really feel. Taking a OD. Doesn't suggestlike you want hhelp but from the post you actually do want help. Let them help you sugar x

Apparently I've been told homicidal feelings are quite common and normal when distressed. It's the genuine likelihood of acting on it that is important: will you really kill someone?

It's distressing yes: but you can endure them.

X

Ring the HTT back, I'm sure they've seen lots of people before who said they were fine when they weren't.

What support do you think would help you right now?

I just ended up going to be at 7.30pm.

Thanks for the replies. I don't feel much better this morning but htt are here in an hour or so so ill just wait and speak to them then.

I hope you are able to talk to HTT. Let us know how you go.

I hope they are helpful, you've done a great thing reaching out support here and I hope you're able to tell htt honestly how you're feeling
Xx

Thanks guys. I'm still waiting for HTT to get here. I'm gonna tell them my feelings. Thanks again for your support.

I'm so alone today. None of my friend are available to meet so I am just gonna be sitting in the house alone.
I'm thinking about trying to go back to uni on Monday and see how I do. If it's too hard I'm gonna leave and do a OU course instead.

Could you write down your feelings to show HTT, in case you find yourself accidentally saying that you're fine again?

Could you go out somewhere maybe? Like to coffee, or the library? It's like being with people without being with them, but it's kind of similar.

Or maybe just to walk in the park?

Hope it went ok with HTT.

How did it go with HTT

Thanks guys.
Htt didn't go very well. The plumber came at the same time as htt so htt refused to talk to me because there was a stranger in the house. They just gave me my meds and left. So not helpful.

They are coming tonight again but I don't trust them because they have told the government that i'm making people ill with my curse and now the government are monitoring my house. There sitting outside and have put hidden cameras everywhere.

Do you think you can talk to them tonight?!
Are you sure they have told the government? Do you have proof? What would they have to gain by that?

Your thoughts are telling you that there are people watching you but that may not be the case. Make sure you take your meds and talk this out with someone. Don't drop out of Uni cos you need that for a stable job in time. You will get through this just be confident in yourself.

Htt came and said I have a "true psychosis" what ever that means. Like what's the difference between a normal psychosis and a "true" one?

I managed to talk to them anyway and they were really good. They talked to me for ages which I appreciated and they didn't dismiss my beliefs.

Thanks for your replies guys. You have all been very helpful.

Great well done you.. So what's their plan to help?

How are you doing today!