I became Anorexic when I was in 7th grade; brought on by bullying and rumors at school. I had hardly noticed that I had stopped eating and even started cutting. At the begining of 7th grade I weighed 125 pounds and after just a few months I weighed 105. People at school and my parents started noticing the difference. I was constantly getting compliments from my relatives saying, "Oh, you look great, you're finally losing your baby fat". I remember how angry I became in finding out that people actually did think I was fat, and still do now.

During the summer I discovered that you didnt actually have to stop eating; you could just eat a little bit and throw it up afterwards. By then I had started throwing up 8 times a day. I kept myself on a strict schedule: skip breakfast and lunch, eat as little as you can for dinner, and throw it up afterwards. Everything was going well until my mum found out by reading my diary. 8th grade had started, and I weighed 95 pounds. You could see most of my bones and everyone at school noticed the difference.
Eventually I ended up having to leave school and go to a private school. I finally convinced myself that maybe, not eating the foods I wanted to, and constantly living in fear of the things I ate, wasnt what I really wanted. I wanted what everyone else had. A normal life. So, each day I tried a little bit harder than the last. I didnt want anyone else's help - I wanted to know that I could do this on my own. I finally started gaining all my weight back, and by 9th grade I weighed 127 lbs.

But then, out of nowhere I started to get these 'cravings' for wanting to lose weight. I started throwing up after every meal; even when I saw blood, I convinced myself I had to keep going. It was 8th grade all over again. I stopped eating and counted everything from calories to carbs. I was afraid to even drink water for the fear of becoming bloated. I became weak and fainted in the bathroom at school.

I felt everything about me changing; I knew what was happening to me again - that I was becoming the same monster, the same obsessive person; and for a while I wanted it. But I started to feel sick out of nowhere; blood was in my urine and in my stools. I didnt know what to do so I told my mother to call the doctor.

Weeks later, after excruciating pain, they found in a ultrasound scan that I had a 9mm kidney stone. A 2mm stone is the largest your body can pass, so I had to undergo lithotripsy. I will never forget that night; after the surgery I was in so much pain. But, the worst was yet to come; they had to find out why I had blood in my stools, and they had to do scopes of my stomach and all of my intestines. They found that I had severe ulcers and IBS.

Some days I wont even bother to look in the mirror, and some days I dont even have enough strength to. I find myself asking myself, "Was this really worth all this?" Losing weight so I could feel somewhat better about myself; wasting more than $30,000 of my parents' money for surgery; having therapy every Tuesday. I've lost all my friends and all of my life. And for what - losing a couple of pounds???

Next time you find yourself on the scales, or in the bathroom after you've eaten dinner, ask yourself, "Am I really willing to destroy my life, even the one I am going to have when I get better; the life I really want?"

You never know what type of danger you are putting yourself in.