I have been self harming for the past six years but i never go deep enough to scar. i feel like a failure that i cannot even do this right! When i see pictures of real scars i get jealous and i wish i have them too. am i a fake?
Last edited by one_step_closer : 02-06-2009 at 09:52 AM.
Reason: Adding label
No your not a fake. You do not have to cut so deep or have to get so many stitches to cut right. Honestly, don't feel like a fake or feel like you are not doing it the right way. There is no 'set of rules' in regards to cutting. Take care ok *hugs*
I wanted to reply to this because there was a point in my life where i felt the same as you. And i think it's quite natural to get these feelings and doubts sometimes.
I just want to say that the amount of damage you do does not reflect the size of your troubles. I think it's a very serious matter that you feel the need to physically hurt yourself no matter if it scars or not.
It's easy to start doubting yourself when you see people who do a lot more damage to themselves and it's easy to feel inferior to them or like you aren't doing it "right". Forget these thoughts, however, because it's not important to to outdo each other. We each hurt in our own ways and it doesn't make our hurt any less important.
Don't compare yourself to others if it makes you feel bad. Take my word for it; you are NOT a fraud and you deserve to be here as much as anyone else!!!!!
I agree with everything that has been said. You're obviously hurting inside and that is the main thing, I really hope that your pain eases. Please get in touch if you need anything. Take care.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I agree with the above. There have times I've wished for scars, so my outsides look as awful as my insides feel.
My scars just look like sun damage, and i'm 40+ years old and live in a sunny climate, so sun damage is to be expected.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Lack of scars means nothing hun, except that you don't have THAT 'little' bit to be ashamed about (sorry, what I'm feeling about my scars atm). You're not a fake *hugs*
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
just agreeing with what has been said. You are not a fake at all. Most of my cuts don't scar and I've never needed A&E treatment, I've always been able to patch myself up ok. But I think we need to NOT compare scars, or lack of, as this isn't going to help us get over our urges. What matters is the troubles and torment that we're all struggling with inside, that makes us need to SI. So don't worry about being a fake, 'cos you're not, worry about what it is that makes you SI and perhaps start a thread for that and get the support that you need. *huggles*
"All battles in life serve to teach us something, even the battles we lose"
"There are moments in life when the only possible option is to lose control"
The difficulty and dilema faced by many people who self-harm, is that they often (like me) have multiple early experiences that have led them to feel "different" or "not belonging anywhere" This is compounded by the discrimination and stigma they face around self-harm.
So (like I did) you they to self-harm support websites and organisations and feel (perhaps for the first time in their life) that they have something in common with others. The danger (for me) was that in my desperate attempts to feel "good enough" or accepted somewhere, I tried to fit in. If others self-harmed more severely or differently from me I felt that I was only acceptable (to myself and others) If I spoke the same language. This meant describing and carrying out my self-harm in similar ways to others. It's a known psychological phenomena called "social identity theory" - a normal social reaction that nearly killed me!
Prior to self-injuring I'd been living my life in ways to please and fit in with others (which in itself is a non-visible, non-scarring form of self-harm).
To recover, I had to be honest about my own feelings, thoughts and reasons around self-harm. I started to speak my own truth and found (like many of us do here) that so many others feel the same way, yet often feel afraid of rejection if they are honest.
You have been brave and honest to speak your own truth here. It's one of the first and most transformational steps in recovery and have no fear - those who move to become SI free, through honest sharing with others learn to find acceptance within themselves and learn to find that there are lots of places in the world that they belong.
Everybody self-harms to some degree (e.g. overworking, over-pressurising themselves, people pleasing). Self-injury in itself covers a wide range of behaviours. Some of my self-injury was non-scarring and now 7years free I'm glad that some of my injuries didn't scar.
When I was SI-ing I liked my scars they validated my feelings to myself, Yet now in recovery they somewhat invalidate my feelings, because those feelings I had then, are no longer present - yet people see them and judge me as "someone in problems".
Stay away from pictures of scars, they will only lead you to carry out your SI in ways that at a later date, you may regret. Not all SI is visible. Nearly everybody self-harms to some degree or another. You are not a fake, Nobody is. The very fact that you have been so honest here shows that the very last thing you are is a fake
