Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - SI and Uni Exams

[Goldfish_r_everywhere]

I've suffered from depression for 7 years but until a couple of years ago it didn't really affect me academically.
The year I started university I was dateraped in a nightclub and ever since then I've struggled with exams. I feel so stupid that even at 22 years old, exams cause panic attacks, blackouts and SI to start up again. It's been 2 years since I was attacked and usually I'm doing quite well dealing with it but as soon as I get close to doing exams the nightmares of that night start up again. I can't explain it and I feel so stupid that until now I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. People just seem to think I should have forgotten about it and things should be sorted which just makes me feel worse and worse until the only thing I want to do is bleed. I just wish I knew how to explain it to people and how to make it stop!

[shadow-light]

does your uni know about this? or at least know of how much exams stress you?


I can sort of relate... I had an event happen just over 4 years ago... I'm now 21, and everytime anything that involves been assessed or judged (i.e. an exam) has occured since then I have fallen into this spiral of panic and SI...

you're defiantly not being stupid... it can be hard for people to understand how much things actually affect others...


I think you should speak to your uni... I am in the process of speaking to mine and so far it's going fairly well and looks like it may be helpful

[~Kaytee~]

Yep. I'm the same too. I'm almost 20 but don't deal well with exams. I think speaking with the uni is a good idea (if you haven't already). They are usually very understanding. Good luck with the exams (if you have some coming up).

[Goldfish_r_everywhere]

I have spoken to them. I sit my exams in a smaller venue because since the incident I can't be in crowded rooms. I should be in an exam right now but the nurse sent me home as I was an absolute wreck. It makes things so much worse because I really enjoy my degree and really want it but always seem to make a mess of it and I know my parents aren't going to understand if I have to retake this year because of all this. I just know people are going to be disappointed which just makes me feel worse. It's a vicious cycle I want to get out of. I hate feeling so insecure and vunerable when I should be strong...but the face the police didn't catch him really doesn't help. Being in a room of people I don't know (even though it's smaller than the usual one) really freaks me out. I feel like everyone's looking at me like I'm a freak because it all terrifies me!
Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone feeling like this.

[shadow-light]

I had to re-do second year for this exact reason... and I had to change my degree too...

do you have councilling or anything?

[Goldfish_r_everywhere]

Yeh I go to counselling and have to fill in many forms about my illness for the university to take into account. I'm just worried if I do have to retake the year it'll be with people I don't know. The thought of it makes me feel sick but I'm worried that if I don't I won't get the degree I'm capable of. It's so difficult!

[shadow-light]

I can relate to those concerns basically perfectly... I wish I could think of something...

have you spoken the the uni disability advisers? sometimes they can help put in place extra help that the uni won't alone... like being able to do the exam completely alone rather than a smaller room and things

[realflifefaerie]

I can relate to this really closely. There's no set time in which you should 'forget' anything and I too find exams really stressful after a similar experience.

Do you have a specific person you could approach to help you decide who is best to contact for futher support, that way you'd have someone who knew and could assist with filling in the forms etc and a some continuity.

Im really sorry I have nothing else constructive to say. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone.

xxx