Triggering (SI) - Hubby left and im a mess

[Magsie07]

Well today is the day that my hubby left on a two week underway! He is suppose to be gone two weeks and then home for two-three and then a seven month deployment. But because of all my issues with self harm/suicide, anxiety and depression that have recently arisen the boat doesnt want him to go on the deployment.

Everything was really good this morning. We woke up at 4:30 to go to Walmart and get some last minute things he needed. We would have gone last night but we were both too tired and the paychecks hadnt gone into the bank yet. After that we stopped at Dunkin Donuts and got some coffee. We came home and he packed the rest of his stuff up and I packed up to come to my parents house with our puppy.

Then it was time to drive him to work and I drove him all the way down to the pier and he got out and we said our goodbyes. I was really fine driving off base and on the hour long drive up to my parents. I got a little teary eyed but nothing too bad.

I watched my three year old nephew today and at one point I got so sad I burst into tears and my nephew climbed into my lap and wrapped his arms around me and hugged me and kissed my cheek.

After his dad picked him up I went out with my oldest sister to get some stuff from walmart and the grocery store. We got home and had lunch and she started playing a video game and I came upstairs to be alone.

Right now Im in between good and bad. One minute I want nothing more to cry and scratch or cut to let my pain out. and the next I know that this is only a two week seperation and everything will be fine.

Whats worse is because my anxiety disorder is causing this I feel sick to my stomache and like im either constipated or gonna have diahrrea.


*Im sorry this is so long. The chat isnt working right now for me to go and post in and I felt like I had to reach out before I did something stupid!

[Magsie07]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Malison

I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now; I used to be in a long-distance relationship and wouldn't see my boyfriend for a month or so at a time so I kind of know how it feels (I've moved to the same city as him now so I see him a lot more often).
Is there any way you could contact him, call him or text him maybe? It might calm you down a bit. If not, go and be with your family rather than by yourself as you'll be safer.
Feel free to PM me if you need <3

I wish it were that simple! He is a submariner so he can email and I can email him. I just have to be careful what I say because he isnt always the first to read his emails.

I am starting to calm down but I know soon the anxiety will be back. its like a roller coaster.

[wildly insane]

I'm sure you know all the tricks in the book about dealing with the anxiety, taking deep breaths and all. Are there things you enjoy doing? the best thing is probably to keep yourself busy and in company with people you trust. take care and good luck, take each day as it comes rather than just waiting for the two weeks to be over, hugs, Hannah

[Sigma]

It must be tough - it sounds like you get on well with your family? can you ask them for help (whatever that is for you - a hug, talking about it, just being there?)