I’m going to preface this with the disclaimer that I am speaking as myself here. The opinion voiced in the rest of this post is mine and only mine and does not represent the opinions of any teams or staff of RYL.
Now, on to the point.
I’m going to let everyone in on a little secret. In order to fix your problems, you’re going to have to do some work. RYL, including the supporters and First Aid Advisors, can only do so much. If you aren’t willing to help yourself, you aren’t going to get anywhere. RYL offers a wealth of information on the main site, such as articles, links, and distraction lists and yet no one seems to use it. Instead people post repetitive topics in the main forums, asking the same questions again and again and again, expecting everyone else to do all the work and give them the magic answers they need.
Guess what. It doesn’t work like that. Anything worth having is worth working for, and I for one am getting pretty frustrated with people who aren’t willing to work. This means looking on the main site, using search engines, talking to your doctor, or counselor, or taking your meds. Not just posting and expecting everyone else to do all the work for you and give you the answers. Why should we spend our valuable time responding to your thread when the question you asked could have been answered if you had spent 5 minutes looking in the articles on the main site?
I can’t speak for anyone else here, but I know I worked damn hard get better. It takes work. Hard work. Every single day. It doesn’t happen overnight, and the people around you can only do so much. RYL can only do so much. Getting help means you are going to have to talk to people; your parents, friends, doctor, girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, kids etc. You’re going to have to get stitches, take antibiotics, and have blood drawn. You may be force fed, or given a feeding tube. You’re probably going to have to talk to a counselor, or try medications, or spend time in a hospital. You may have to take time off of work, or school, and put your plans on hold.
Yeah, all of that sucks and its going to be hard to do, but it’s something you are going to have to accept. We can’t help if you aren’t willing to do what you need to and do to be helped.
I’m not talking about being in recovery. You don’t have to be in recovery to read the First Aid articles explaining how to care for wounds. You don’t have to be in recovery to explore the links. You don’t have to be in recovery to use some of the distraction techniques. You don’t have to be in recovery to read the stickies at the top of the forums. You don’t have to be in recovery to talk to your doctor, or your parents, or your friends.
There is so much more to RYL than the forums. Even if you aren’t in recovery, or you don’t want to recover, take some time and explore the main site and the stickies. All this information is there to help you, and yeah, it’s a lot easier just to post and ask for the answers, but this is the easy way out. If you truly want help, you’re going to have to work for it.
So there it is, the big secret. If you want help, you're going to have to do some work, and help yourself.
Last edited by Aidee : 05-05-2009 at 07:47 AM.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
*nods* this is well said. It's hard to hear that someone else can't fix you for you... I know that when I first realised I was going to have to be the one to do the work it sucked and I sulked for days.... but recovery, whilst it's the hardest thing i've ever done, is the most rewarding thing i've ever done. I don't take being happy for granted. I have my bad times, weeks at a time sometimes, but I know that I am strong enough to get through them. ME not someone else being strong for me. The articles around ryl are brilliant. And there is the whole world wide web of information out there too! Explore! You'll be surprised at what yuo'll find!
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I think you've summed this up pretty well and I agree with what you've said. I can imagine it must be very very frustrating to be asked things over and over again especially if the answers are obvious. I myself, an ordinary member, get frustrating reading posts sometimes because I just think 'well, what do you want me to say to that?' Idk..
Anyway, I'm very grateful for you and all the other moderators input, time and patience that you put into the running of this site and I think people need to be reminded that you guys do have lives outside of here, yet are still so dedicated in helping people here.
xx
I actually find this a little patronising. But obviously that is my cynical mind as everyone else loves it.
I agree with what Aidey is saying, for the most part, but I do find it quite patronising, and it also makes me quite glad I don't post in first aid.
I think that people know all this, but sometimes people aren't ready to do it for themselves, and they still deserve help. It is a support site, after all.
Also, I thought this was going to be a comedy thread about the little yellow arrows that many people seem to have just discovered!
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
I agree with what Aidey is saying, for the most part, but I do find it quite patronising,
I think that people know all this, but sometimes people aren't ready to do it for themselves, and they still deserve help. It is a support site, after all.
well said claire I agree by your comment and the last bit really sums it up.
I don't think a lot of people are, when they do go into recovery. I know I sure as hell wasn't.
But, it's something you've got to do.
The only person who can fix your problems is you. You can get support, help for difficult times, and whatever else - but you're going to have to do something for yourself, to get anywhere.
You say RYL isn't a miracle working site, and I totally agree, but the people on here arent miracle workers.
Maybe they work their asses off to get the help they need, and are still thrown around by the professionals. I know this is the case for me. I take my meds, all of them, I go to counselling, I try to do my best first aid wise. Hell, Ive even looked into setting up first aid courses for RYLers and doing MAHOOSIVE fundraising to pay for it.
People come here for help. Thats what we offer here at RYL. At least thats what I thought it was for. I do understand what you are saying but tarring people with the same brush doesn't help anyone.
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"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here, to the castle beyond the goblin city, for my will is as strong as yours and my kindom is great."
I am not saying I don't agree, not at all. I just don't know if it needs to be said. I doubt this is going to change a thing, the people you are refering to are still going to do the same thing, or at least they will want to, the only thing i can see this thread doing is scaring those who are not ready to move on from this website from posting when they need help.
And btw, this is not me being defensive, I am not one of these people you speak about and i know that for a fact. I just do not see how it is helpful, more just making people ashamed.
