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Journal of a troubled man II
I hope you are kind enough to read this.
Today is Monday. Today my life falls apart in single moments of madness that can only be conceived by those mad enough to want any man to suffer so deeply that they become overwhelmed and can't cope. Fate is the cruelest of mistresses. One day its heads, and the road seems long but reachable and walkable. One day its tails, you fall down again and roll backwards wondering how such a thing could happen.
Two days ago i told a girl of such perfection that words cannot describe her that i felt she was my world. I wanted to get to know her, she said yes. She rushed out, now shes disappeared. I cannot function as she has not given me answers. I wish to speak to her, i wish to be away from her, i wish to be near her, i wish to hate her, i wish to understand her and i wish to love her. I write her some words, i may never send, my perspective changes when i find out more news. Today my best friend has left me. He told me it is no longer the same. I am confused but as he tells me goodbye i realize he is for now right. The good times, the memories have been distorted through anger and rage. I cannot cope though with such news. I take a solid instrument and destroy it in the garden. The noise is soothing, it remains a metaphor for the madness in the world. How someone can just snap. I shake vigorously, i cannot cope with such news.
I put on my coat and shoes, i try and eat something before i go. The darkness outside is like a cloak for me. I open the door. I close the door. Then i walk, possessed by something i can't control, i walk straight on. The lights merge with night sky, they are indicators guiding me towards my goal, my mecca. The silence is beautiful, is fills the emptiness of my heart. Their is no one here to bother me and i bother no one. I keep traveling till everything is different, it feels like i am on a different planet. As i travel further the wind blows around me and through me. The concrete aligns with my feet and i feel as one. Every house has a story, a history. Each one contains life i wish i could have, oh to be normal in a world that demands normality. Where the fringes fight their way in. Where do i stand. The calmness enters my soul but as i return i realize what my issues were. What made my legs move with such swiftness. Every prison has its limits. I enter the house again, i feel the warmth, i think of memories, i think of her. Then i realize i must rest my weary head. Today is a day my life fell apart. Today is the day i will try and fight back. Today is Monday.
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