Questions for our young RYLers ...

[typsee]

After some advice from Aimee (thanks hun!) I decided to make a new thread of this post.

After reading the 'Youngest here?' thread that is also in this forum, and after seeing how many young members we have at RYL, the RYL staff members have been having a discussion about the 'tone' and direction that RYL is heading in these days, and I'd like to get some more input, especially from the young members of RYL.

So .... this is directed mainly at the RYL teens, and pre-teens .... (ie - everyone under the age of 19 ) ... but anyone's input is welcome ...

In reference to the more 'adult' topics, such as sex and sexuality, masturbation, homosexuality and nudity .... I was wondering what approach is taken by other internet websites that you visit, in reference to allowing discussion, threads and jokes about these topics ...???

Are other websites that allow young people as members, really strict on the talk of nudity, sex, homosexuality, adult stuff etc???

And how does RYL compare to other websites that young people visit?

The way some members have talked about this, I get the impression that they feel that RYL is way too LENIENT about allowing members to discuss these more 'adult' topics, and that we shouldnt be so relaxed in our approach to allowing posts, threads and jokes about these topics, considering all the young people we have as members .....

(edited)

So ... what is your experience like with other websites when it comes to discussion of sex, homosexuality, nudity etc ...?

And what do you prefer in a website?

Would you prefer a more lenient and relaxed approach to adult topics .... or ... do you think RYL should be alot stricter about managing this sort of adult talk considering the age of some of our members ...?

Thanks for any opinions you have to offer.

Edited to add - If you feel uncomfortable expressing your opinions publically on this thread, you are more than welcome to PM me, any other moderator, or Harley with your opinions.

[Kaya]

To be honest, nothing on RYL is graphic. Yes, people make jokes, but it's nothing bad, and I can't see that it could have a detrimental effect on any of our members - even those as young as 11.

I may be missing something, but I don't see why there could be any need for a stricter approach. It's not as if people are posting anything pornographic or anything of the like.

The only thing I'd say we need to be careful about is how it might look to someone like a member's parent, especially if they are unsure or against the site in the first place.

[Shadow Z]

Ah I've been thinking about the same thing since I saw that 'youngest here' thread too. But I think that as long as adult-ish topics have "adult" warnings on them, it's not too bad. Many young people have some idea about adult stuff and I agree with Kaya that this site isn't very graphic - except in a few topics specifically asking for advice/support (but they're labeled). I don't think there's much chance of RYL ever getting into legal trouble because of the small amount of sexual content and <13 yr olds allowed in, but that's still something to consider.

I think everyone's fine with reading what they read here - but still - is anyone here uncomfortable with the adult content you read? and, if you're a preteen, do you often look at adult-marked threads? Just wondering if that marker is kinda useless or what.

[.ghost.]

I don't think RYL is that bad at all! I was browsing a forum one time for general things, not a specific or support forum and there was a relationships advice section.
There was about 2 topics asking for advice on how the relationship was going and the rest of it was all topics like "funniest places you've had sex" and "how can I give the perfect blow job" (which I think was actually stickied ) And in case anybody asks, I didn't click =P
There were plenty of people on there aged 10/11 from what I gather.

I don't think RYL is very graphic and all adult topics are labelled. If people don't want to read them then they shouldn't click on them.
I think some topic need to be discussed and people often need help with them, it would be unfair to say they couldn't ask for help because there are young members on here.

I don't think it needs to be made stricter, I think it's just about right now.
People don't make any bad jokes either, like Kaya said, I can't see it having a detrimental effect on any members.

xx

[Isoverity]

First - young kids in an SI forum by nature aren't often that robust that they are going to offer an opinion of the status quo that is contrary to what the obvious trend has been - especially when you ask the question while simultaneously saying you don't think there is a problem. It's a loaded question from the start.

Second - what other websites would a person compare RYL to considering that young teens here get asked to publicise RYL in their schools because its supposed to be the face and voice of self-injurers? Also - how many of these other sites can have suicidal or hurting teens where the forum focus needs to be more attentive and responsible? With RYL being a large and well known forum with a supposedly serious message/intent, I don't see that many feasible comparisons with other forums. RYL is the forum being suggested to kids as a resource in major UK papers. There is no virtue in saying RYL might read like 100 other forums because it shouldn't. The web is full of forums for anything people want and RYL would be delinquent to mimic them to the detriment of its primary focus. RYL shouldn't look like MTV forums. A Google search of "felching" should show a path to RYL General forum posts (and next to thread from a 12 yr old describing how they learned to ride a bike that day - bizarre!)


Third - a major issue is not just what the kids think - or even just what their parents/schools think (those are obvious if neglected concerns) - but what less savory people would think if they see RYL as an inviting place to pursue their appetites. There has always been sex topics and posts at RYL - and people who related to sexual things in their way. If people were attracted to Rock Cornish Game Hens nobody cared. But - these topics and posts seemed in line with a general curiosity and need to discuss issues no matter if they be personal, social etc. Such posts and discussions appeared and went away naturally - never seeking to tip the balance of a forum into a constant (and pronounced) preoccupation with sex or potty brain. Anyone seeking to post at RYL just for sex kicks would have eventually stood out. That's been less true the last 7 months, and people have been joining RYL and not even posting about SI but do get right into the sex stuff.

MOST egregious is people with one or two posts coming into General and asking for people of a sexual persuasion to identify themselves and/or make contact with no resistance from staff (but if people ask for a penpal they get cut off - and rightly so). That sort of things sends a VERY bad message to the web and no political correctness can excuse it where prudent people are concerned. It's just careless administration no matter if it be by design, intimidation or whatever.

Fourth, there are a dozen or so people who while quite charming personally I can only describe as sexual obsessives when it comes to threads. People can make the most benign and innocent threads and yet there will be a handful of people who will regularly and gratuitously turn it into sexual things without any regard to content of thread or original posters intent. There are also girls who post their pics in photo forum and get comments they don't always appreciate. This has been going on a long time and in dozens of threads. Some of these threads got locked/removed for the reasons stated above but the people involved just keep at it (and I would have to blame staff for that more than the people). People can make a thread about the price of apples and at anytime it can turn into 3 pages of the same small group addressing each other with pointless sexual repartee that just jumps from one thread to another, from one forum to another. Here is a thread that could have been half decent but couldn't get past one page withour getting crapped up (it usually takes to page 2 or 3):

http://recoveryourlife.com/Forum/showthread.php?t=8046

That's not the worst example by far (and I like the people there for the most part) just the most recent I read. I know many people familiar with the forums know exactly what I am talking about. Often times the people warping the thread will even say how they are "again" warping a thread - so I have to say its something staff just lets happen and I think some people/topics get special "allowances" that do harm to the overall health of the forums and its causes. I have seen that as General was allowed to go to seed there has been a parallel decline in the vitality of the more SI oriented forums. I have seen people more (relatively) focused and thoughtful than average recede into the background (if they come at all anymore) with the more sophomoric and prurient attitudes swelling to fill the void. This is how a forum tips from a healthy/thoughtful core to a more wayward one. A "historical" issue with RYL, is that a small group of people left to their own devices can often take RYL places it doesn't need to go. In that sense recent problems aren't new as much as newfangled. It's the downfall of many psychology sites that small groups seeking acceptance/recognition for their dysfunctions get even footing with much larger groups that aren't pushy and get knocked to the side.

I think part of the problem is that some people feel comfy with Harley and staff personally and go about their whims without regard to overall effects/ appearances (this has happened in the past). There are people who would not sit down to dinner with a family and talk about "felching...anal babies or sex with holes in skulls" but somehow they have no probs doing it in general in front of thousands in a General forum that gets routinely scrutinised by parents, teachers, health pros and unsavory sorts alike. I know there are people who will minimise such things, and that would be fine if they were incidental but they have been part of a coarser trend spanning some months now.

In the years I have been at RYL all sorts of people and topics had their place here. RYL was neither "pro" or "anti" and that was the beauty of it. The sum was always greater then the parts that way. It could be a place where people could be themselves and not have to live out their label - and/or make others live out their label with them. I can say that people have been changing that with some intent ( and in the forum that should be least subject to it). That said, I have found administration to be lax to the point that it often looks like nobody is in charge. Even tattoo/sex questions are meant to go in General Advice but they keep showing up in General and getting left there even when some mods are around. My point is larger than any incident. RYL broadcasts its somehow sleepwalking. I know I don't make friends saying that but more than ever I fear seeing RYL being in some awful news article someday and that would be sorrowful for people who I know mean well but can be "too nice".

Sorry this is long and that I am not 13 but I don't see where asking kids if they should be allowed to talk about "adult" issues and sex is really the way to frame the problem. They always could talk about those things here. The larger issue is it prudent to let forums go sophomorically raunchy and gratuitously sexual (and lax on protocols) just because a smaller group is compelled that way and meekly patronised for same. RYL is a beautiful site physically, and it has sometimes had a healthful core other sites couldn't mimic but for awhile now I have seen the place shooting itself in the foot with spectacular feats of good intentions going awry and curious abandon for protocols large and small. I have seen "erosion" of good people and good will over small things allowed to go on endlessly and I do wonder if RYL hasn't seen its best days. I would hope not of course. I say what I know others would like to but feel shy.

[Tears and Rain]

Tbh I don't think RYL needs a stritcter view in comparisons at all. All of the posts that may include such "adult" topics are labelled, and if a "younger member" were bothered by it i'm sure they could choose not to read that topic.
I don't think it's possible to be any stricter anyway because to censor too much of what people are allowed to talk about would be seen too much of control. The whole point of most sites on the net is to be able to say what you want where you want. And obviously [on reading the above post] we won't have posts on "how to give the best blow job", but to restrict what people can talk about down to general sex/sexuality etc I think it'll hinder people. A lot of what people know [or I know in my case] I have generally found out from what people have said over the net. Obviously in real life, but sometimes the "embarassing" questions that people don't feel they can answer in real life can be answered anonymously over the net. And a lot of these questions may be to do with what you have classified as more "adult" topics...

//ramble

[Tears and Rain]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blithe Bones Of Ladon

Fourth, there are a dozen or so people who while quite charming personally I can only describe as sexual obsessives when it comes to threads. People can make the most benign and innocent threads and yet there will be a handful of people who will regularly and gratuitously turn it into sexual things without any regard to content of thread or original posters intent.

People can make a thread about the price of apples and at anytime it can turn into 3 pages of the same small group addressing each other with pointless sexual repartee that just jumps from one thread to another, from one forum to another. Here is a thread that could have been half decent but couldn't get past one page withour getting crapped up (it usually takes to page 2 or 3):

http://recoveryourlife.com/Forum/showthread.php?t=8046

I don't think it's the intention to turn the thread into "sexual things" although I agree that maybe sometimes personal conversations can over take threads. However I don't think you can categorise this into one groups of people, this group aren't the only people that ever turn into threads into more personal shiz and it doesn't happen often. I just think it's unfair for you to pin it all on this one "handful of people".

[Aidee]

I'm also not under 19, but when I joined RYL I was, so I'm going to give my opinion anyway.


I think that overall, RYL is much "cleaner" then other forums where the average age is teenagers. I've never really been on any other SI forum, but I've been on some creative writing forums, which one would think should be pretty clean, but I was down right embarrassed by some of the things that were said there. Not in stories either, but in the general chat type area.

I think the mature content on RYL falls into 3 categories, inappropriate, borderline, and RYL Related.

I think that generally anything that is obviously inappropriate, such as something like "How do I give my boyfriend a blow job" is censored by the mods pretty quickly.

RYL related content, such as sexual health questions in First Aid, or sexual abuse posts in A&B are mature content, but it's related to RYL and what RYL is all about. While it might alarm a parent/teacher/counselor who sees it, I think any of those people will understand that it is there for a good reason.

The borderline stuff is where I start to have a problem, and I agree with Blithe Bones that some of it could be modded better. Now, I know how busy the mods are, and that often times there are more serious problems to deal with. However, things like the Naturists Room and the example thread that Blithe Bones linked I feel need to be dealt with, and not a part of RYL. While some sexual jokes and comments can be funny at times, the constant discussion of how much different members want each other in threads that have nothing to do with that topic annoy me.

When the joke starts spreading and taking over mutiple threads I think it is unnecessary and really distractions from the point of RYL. Its issues like that which make me think, "Wow these people are sex obsessed"

There are also a good number of people on RYL who have suffered from sexual abuse or sexual trauma and I can't imagine that they appreciate it when they click on a perfectly safe thread, just to find that 1/2 way down the thread has been hijacked by several people talking about how sexy they all are or whatever.

I guess my biggest issue with the borderline content is that there seems to be very little escape from it. Innuendo, jokes and highjacking seem to happen constantly.

I know Vets had a serious problem with this for a while because some of the members there use sexual jokes and innuendo as an escape mechanism and distraction. I myself have participated in some of those threads, but I feel that the Vets situation is somewhat different then the situation in General Chat. For one, Vets has generally had a higher average age of poster then General, and secondly, very few threads were highjacked with the innuendo, instead there were several threads that had been borderline from the beginning.

I think that people need to think about what they are posting when they tack on innuendo and inside joke comments on the ends of other posts, and think seriously about weather they are really necessary or not. I also think that the mods need to jump on highjacked threads quicker and either issue a warning or remove the unnecessary posts.

If I was a parent, I know that almost nothing would turn me off of RYL faster then looking at it, and seeing on the surface that it everything seems appropriate, and then running into all of this borderline sexual content in the middle of thread after thread after thread.


AD

[claireyfairy]

Hmm, I don't really have an opinion... sometimes I get nnoyed because I think people are being to strict or uptight and sometime I wonder how someone could say something and get way with it...
Overall though, this forum is so tame compred to others I've visited which seem to consist of flaming and rude stuff.
But if you think a thread is adult stick *adult* in the title. Then the young people can't complain about what they've read because they were warned in the first place...

[Emmer]

I'm 19, but decided to give my opinion anyway :P

I think it's actually a good thing that you let us talk about that kind of thing. The world is full of sex discussion these days just open a magazine and any teen mag will talk about sex. Also I think it's helpful on an internet site like this because if people have questions regarding sex or their sexuality it's sometimes easier to post on here than to talk to someone about it! So yes, I think it's okay.

[lostdoll]

Erm, the sex etc content on RYL is grand. I mean, it's unavoidable no matter where you go, and being aware and open about stuff can be a plus.

I wasn't aware that homosexuality was particularly adult.

Don't look into things too deeply you lot. Leave things as they are, unless they're becoming offensive/rule-breaking.

[griddlebone]

i read your post Blithe Bones Of Ladon and i have to say i agree with nearly everything you said.

also,how many pre teens or young teens are going to post and say that they dont like all the sexual content when it is more than likely that they will get challenged or the thread will turn into an arguement like threads like this always seem to.

[claireyfairy]

ALSO
Someone coming here is going to hear about sex and stuff wherever they go, at least here its dealt with in a mature way (most of the time) whereas on another forum they could be giving out tips or something.
I cant imagine that ever happening here...

[Emmer]

Maybe we could have an adult scale drawn up if it causes offence to some so we could have "Slighty adult" and "really fricking sexually graphic overloaddd" Not in those exact words but it might be an idea.

[Snow White.]

Blithe Bones Of Ladon, critical as you might be of the staff, what is it that you are suggesting? Do you have a solution, any prodiuctive ideas? If they over-modded the forums then I'm sure that would be a crime, too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blithe Bones of Ladon

This has been going on a long time and in dozens of threads. Some of these threads got locked/removed for the reasons stated above but the people involved just keep at it (and I would have to blame staff for that more than the people).

I don't think this even makes sense. The staff do the job - they lock or remove threads, but people just keep going at it, and you blame the staff - instead of those who continue to keep at the breaking the rules or crossing that line?

To the point of this thread, Typsee, I think that the forum has certianly been in better shape than it is currently, with a lot of sexual inuedos and things that I wouldn't really have appreciated a few years ago when I was younger. Everything else has already been summed up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by griddlebone

also,how many pre teens or young teens are going to post and say that they dont like all the sexual content when it is more than likely that they will get challenged or the thread will turn into an arguement like threads like this always seem to.

Well, I don't really. I don't hate it, but when it's overdone, I find it unnecessary and also exclusive to other members to see post after posts of sexual inuendos and things that are totally unrelated to the topic.

In fact, AD summed it up nicely when she said:

Quote:

Originally Posted by AD

While some sexual jokes and comments can be funny at times, the constant discussion of how much different members want each other in threads that have nothing to do with that topic annoy me.

& I pretty much agree with her whole post.

[Anansi]

I'm going to agree with most of the people on this thread, I find it hard to compare RYL to other websites and if I was going to it would probably be Neopets and - let's face it - there isn't going to be much sexual talk there.
I think much of the adult content on this site is required - there are a lot of people for whom their sexual life is a great player in their mental health and they need to talk about it to find someone who understands.
Yes, I think if the website ever goes down the "How to give a good blowjob!?" root some action should be taken but I have yet to see anything on here that has shocked me.
I am 17, by the way. and was 16 when I joined.

[Aidee]

I think what Blithe Bones is talking about is the stuff that is more borderline. The mods are so busy running around following post alerts and such that I don't think they have as much time just to troll through threads looking for infractions. The borderline things that don't get alerted, but are still really bothersome are think are more the issue here.

I really don't think that anyone is going to say that a post about sexual abuse that has an *adult* warning on it is an issue.

One of the easy things to do to help with this issue is that if people see the sexual innuendo, the inappropriate jokes, or the sexual highjacking, send a mod report so you can be sure that they have seen it.

If enough mod reports get sent about the same people making the same types of comments then they will have to do something about it.

We need to help the mods they, they can't be everywhere all of the time.


AD

[craola]

Blithe Bones Of Laden although you make some very good points you are very unfair towards the mods and staff members. If you see things that you are not comfortable and see as unappropriate, use the Report Post button, the mods have a lot of work on their hands and dont have time to go through every single post.
If threads are being hijacked and turned sexual then report it. Its not just down to Harley and the mods, they need members help as well.

[Kame]

I agree with the hijacking of threads (& that's not just because mine was mentioned). It could be uncomfortable for people on here with a history of sexual abuse as Angel Dust said. I'm 16 & I don't find any problems with the adult threads because people do label them & I think they are handled in a very mature way. But the hijacking is unnexessary. (Just backing up what was mentioned =))

[something vague]

This place does not need to be made stricter. It's the strictest forum I've ever been on! And it doesn't have that many 'young' members in comparison.

Adult labels aren't going to do much anyway. I mean, younger people are more likely to click them :p