As in, feeling like you're 'losing it', having what could be classed as paranoid feelings, but which feel acutely real.
As in feeling really scared. Feeling like a total alienated outsider.
Psychosis PTSD/flashback style.
I don't know what's real - whether the insecurity is all 'in my past walled off place' or whether I'm really in a bad situation in the here and now present.
I'm doing my best to reality check. But it's not really helping.
I think I know what you mean.
In that I know my fears aren't real when I'm calm and rational, but when I'm distressed they are terrifying to me and utterly real.
I guess the only thing that works for me is trying to distract myself. I must keep busy, because if I stop for even a minute then the fear and anxiety hits me hard again. Sometimes I can rationalise as to why they're not real and that helps too, but that's far more difficult than just ignoring the problem.
I wish I could help you. I wish I know how to help people. My reality is compromised a lot, sometimes I like it and I like to sink into it and sometimes I just want to be present and correct. I hope your position gets better.
"I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same too so we are not that different you and I.
You'll be surprised to know how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end.
i bury my head in the sand and hope it doesn't get worse. usually, it does. so i'd say the best thing to do is try to talk to your therapist or a doctor about it and see if they can do anything to help. also, try to get an early night and sleep properly, and eat properly, keep yourself warm and keep up with personal hygiene.
Thanks everyone.
Sleep did help some, and slowed my mind down.
There's a whole heap of conflicting and difficult feelings happening in me right now, along with re-traumatisation stuff of having my voice crushed/denied etc. So, with all of that, my mind went into overload and things got a bit frantic last night.
I've been a bit dissociated today. In and out. Still on the edge, but slightly standing back from it.
i was wondering, and this is going to sound really silly, but something that helps me sometimes is saying the words "even though *this* has happened, i'm okay". or, i WILL be okay. i used to do this thing called EFT, which involved tapping parts of your body and repeating phrases. i couldn't get my head around it all (no good at multitasking!) but that one phrase the therapist taught me has got me through loads of stuff.
i know it doesn't feel okay, but it can help to know that even though things feel so suffocating, that it will get easier again, and you'll feel held again. it also helps you to hold and mother that frightened part of yourself, that is full of doubt and questions about the strength and validity of her voice, with the mum part of you who knows that actually, yes, your words and opinions are very important and meaningful and you deserve to be heard. and not only do you deserve to be heard, but your voice and feelings and thoughts change things for other people. i know when i read what you write, for yourself and in response to others, i feel that you are very empathic and mature and intelligent. and it's lovely to hear you. so please try to balance that part of you that doubts it, with the part that knows it's true.
