Triggering (SI) - Wanting To Cut But I'm Fine? :S

Miss-Dramatic · 27-10-2008, 06:00 PM

I'll explain. I am a self harmer. Two weeks ago i went through a bad patch rowing with my mum and dad and started cutting like everyday but then we had a week off and was so busy over tha week i didnt think about cutting. Well at least i think thats why i never thought about it. Yesterday i wanted to cut badly. Nothing was wrong though. Nothing major had happened to make me want to cut. I just wanted to do it. And today is the same? People have been saying its because im addicted. But surely if i was addicted i wouldnt have gone a week without doing it? x

Has anybody ever felt like this or been through it ? If so help please ? xxxx

[pretty on the inside] · 27-10-2008, 06:06 PM

Cutting is addictive as your body gets used to the endorphins. At first it feels like relief but as you get deeper into it, you begin to need it just to feel normal. Kind of thing.
Are you seeing a professional or anything?
xx

Heidi Tiger · 27-10-2008, 06:06 PM

Cutting isn't an addiction.
Maybe the issues surrounding your relationship with your parents are still affecting you, even though nothing specific has happened today.

Maybe try challenge your urges to self-harm. You may want to do it, but you don't need to. Tell yourself that and try and keep busy and distracted.

Miss-Dramatic · 27-10-2008, 06:14 PM

It’s really hard though. The worst thing is. I can’t talk to my best mate about it. Because when I talk to her about my self harm she gets scared. She thinks I’m okay now and to be honest id like it to stay that way.
:( I don’t know, I really should hate my mum for half the things she’s said and done like saying I’m an embarrassment to her (her latest little phrase) saying I’m ugly saying if I want to runaway then to go ahead. Threatening to estrange me because she saw the words social worker on my laptop.
My dads no help either. He agrees I’m far too cheeky and should not upset my mum. He hits me sometimes and when he does because he’s so big it hurts a lot. They haven’t hit me recently because my cousin have moved in but the words "embarrassment" have been said a few times. If I’m such an embarrassment then why bother trying. I don’t know. She switch from being nice to horrible in a minute :(

Wonderland. · 28-10-2008, 03:53 PM

Sweetie don't listen to what they are saying.
They are wrong.
You are not an embarrassment to anyone at all.
They don't understand how much those words they say affect us.
Every time you cut you do it for a reason even if you can't see what triggered you something will have.

x

Miss-Dramatic · 28-10-2008, 06:09 PM

Thanks babe xxxx

Not-Sane · 29-10-2008, 05:32 AM

I totally relate. I was cutting on a daily basis for over 2 years and after 3 years of therapy am now trying the 12 steps that they use for AA meetings. Some people say that cutting and other forms of self harm is not an addiction, but if you listen to someone explain it they would see that there are more similarities than not to addicts. So just take it day by day and find those you can trust and talk to (even if it's only here on RYL.) Feel free to PM me any time...