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19-10-2008, 11:26 AM
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#1
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One step closer to the edge....
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: No fixed address
I am currently:  
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Triggering (SI/OD) - It doesn't hurt any more - dissociation?
I was in hospital after an overdose last month. The reason I overdosed was that I tried to cut but it just didn't hurt enough. I was in a crisis situation - that happens every 6 weeks or so when I'm just so incredibly down that I attempt suicide or cut several times a day or whatever.
So I'm back in that position right now. I'm on a serious downer...this is one of the worse I've ever had. Feel close to suicide to be honest. I've been cutting several times a day. But this time, the cuts aren't hurting. They hurt afterwards but not while I'm doing it. Sometimes I feel like it's not my arm or my leg that I'm cutting.
My cuts have always hurt before, but I have had experiences with finding cuts later which I don't remember making and stuff.
To be honest I'm a bit scared.
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I don't want to spend the rest of my days
Running around, chasing my shadow
So please don't let this chance slip away
If I waste it this time
I won't be here tomorrow
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19-10-2008, 11:53 AM
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#2
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: London area
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Are you having any follow up support? Anyone you can contact now?
It's possible that it's your fear of the depression that is making you dissociate, numb yourself. It's kind of like a shock reaction.
How can you be gentle on yourself, kind to yourself?
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19-10-2008, 12:28 PM
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#3
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One step closer to the edge....
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: No fixed address
I am currently:
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No - I was in hospital at home, now I'm back at uni and lost in the system a bit. I feel terrified of myself, I feel a bit like I've lost control of myself and my life.
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I don't want to spend the rest of my days
Running around, chasing my shadow
So please don't let this chance slip away
If I waste it this time
I won't be here tomorrow
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19-10-2008, 06:08 PM
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#5
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: London area
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How're you doing now?
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19-10-2008, 06:58 PM
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#6
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One step closer to the edge....
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: No fixed address
I am currently:
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I'm just terrified of what I might do to myself without being aware of doing it. Could not being able to feel the pain be a sort of dissociation?
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I don't want to spend the rest of my days
Running around, chasing my shadow
So please don't let this chance slip away
If I waste it this time
I won't be here tomorrow
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19-10-2008, 07:00 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: London area
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It could be, yes, what worries you about that?
Try and keep watching what's happening in your mind, your thoughts and feelings. Like "now I'm feeling sad, and I am scared, but I can hold this feeling, I don't have to hurt myself. I can stay present with myself as much as I can."
Keep talking to us here as much as you need.
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