i thought i was doing ok.
i was recovering
i hadn't cut in two weeks
but this week it has taken over again. ive cut 3 times so far, and last night was the worst ever, ive completely f***ed up my arm. i wanted to be strong. ive got a lot of support, people who care about me.
but i was mssing SH so much, and now i've let it back in. im falling again and i dont know how to get control back.
please someone tell me what i'm supposed to do?............
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"
- Oscar Wilde
Think of it this way. If you could go two weeks, try going two weeks again, and then tack another day on the end of it..then another..just to take baby steps. Slip ups are normal, and they make us stronger, because we learn about ourselves and what we need to work on.
Don't beat yourself up over this, hun. Just look at what you've accomplished in two weeks!
yeah but thats the point, i get so far then i cant get any further, i cant break the cycle. and it scares me cause i sometimes feel theres no point in fighting, i'll just slip up again anyway =(
thanks for replying
xxxxxxx
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"
- Oscar Wilde
When things were really bad, when you couldn't go a day without SIing, did you ever think you could get to 2 weeks without it? I know I didn't. I didn't even think I could go a day without it. The point is, your perception of it changes. If you tell yourself you can;t do something, then you can't! Same thing goes with telling yourself you can. If you decided you wanted to run a marathon, maybe today you couldn't do it because you aren't in good enough shape, but that doesn't mean you can't do it at all. If you work at it and try really hard and out your mind to it, then you CAN do it. The same thing goes with recovery, except it's a million times harder than any marathon. Don't focus on the negatives that MIGHT happen. YOu have no control over that yet. Today is all you have to worry about!
I do competitive trampoline and there was this one skill I could not do. It's called a Brani and I just could not for the life of me do it on the trampoline. The thing is, I could do them off then end and they were amazing, my coach said that off the end they were one of the best in the gym. I was so scared though to do it on the tramp. It's a front flip with a half twist, easy right? I could do it off the end so it should be cake to do it on. I told myself tough that I was going to land on my head and die doing it. I made it into this huge thing and was so negative about it. It took 1.5 years for me to do Branis on th trampoline because I was scared. When my coach finally made me do it though they were awesome and now I'm doing 1.5 twists! The point of that story if that if you tell yourself it'll be bad, it will be.
Tell yourself that you can!
You can break the cycle, just like I could do Branis!
I know it's hard, and really isn't really the same thing but in a way it is!!!
You can do this <3
PM me if you ever need too<3
It's the children the world almost breaks that grow up to save it.
-Frank Warren
Two weeks is AWESOME. But I know how awful it can feel to slip up after that and I know what you mean about feeling you can't break the cycle. Part of it isn't just giving up SI-ing though. You have to learn to identify the feelings behind it and learn other ways to handle them.
You obviously were dealing with a lot of strong emotions lately to have been so triggered and to have cut as badly as you said. Could you try talking about what you were feeling with somebody, so you can get it out in a healthier way?
PM me if you like, for advice or chats or anything else.
Take care. Monica
Monica