Triggering (Suicide) - Going down

[melda]

The last week has been so good and I felt like my mood had finally begun to lift. I think it lifted because I got chatting to a guy from the day hospital that I go to and I am getting on really well with him so that gave me a boost. Now today I just feel down and flat, I cant feel any emotions. I hate being like this because I have no feelings, I would rather have bad emotions that no emotions because then I would feel a bit more normal. I think my depression will lift but Im scared like s**t that I will relapse in the future.

I am being taken off my olanzapine bit by bit so I hope I dont relapse. I am still taking mirtazapine but by the time that I leave the day hospital I think that the doctors will want me off that as well. What if my mood dips again, I cant go back to feeling that bad. At one point it go so unbearable I took an overdose and then while I was in hospital I tried several times to kill myself. I cant go back to that, I want a life and I want to be happy.

[mollyontheborderline]

Hello love!

The problem with antidepressants is that they're like playing a "soft" pedal on the piano...the lows aren't as low, but the highs aren't as high, either. I think that's what you're dealing with right now. The numbness and lack of emotions is called dysthmia, and I think you should talk to your doctor about getting Prozac-- when I started Prozac, I immediately began to *feel* everything again! It was like waking up after a long, long sleep.

So you're being taken care of physically, it sounds like, but what about mentally and emotionally? Are you seeing a pysch or therapist, someone you can really talk to about these feelings?

love, me <3

[Tears and Rain]

Zombie thread.x