kelly has gone to bed. i cant wake her. she was up all night last night and HAS to sleep. i have no one to call.
even when im with kelly...i feel lonely. i know this is my illness.
but right now im thinking of blades...pills...and such.
i wish i could just sleep but i cant.
im pretty sure i wont do anything to myself. i may bruise...not sure.
i dont know why im posting this.
its pointless.
and im sorry for making another thread.
****.
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
*huggles Rach*
Since you are in the US, I would be more than willing to PM you my cell phone # (or you can PM yours if you don't have long distance).
I will talk to you and help you in any way I can... I am nocturnal, so you don't have to feel bad about calling me at the wee hours in the morning (or whenever you need to talk... my phone is on 24/7)
We're all in the same game;
Just different levels.
Dealing with the same hell;
Just different demons.
*squishes you*
thank you so much.
i dont feel i can talk to someone that i never have before....im sorry. im so freaking shy unless im on the pc.
thank you for the offer. i might pm you my number in a few days.
loves.
xxxxx
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
hey, i'm here too if you need to talk...i'm in the us too so no worries about wakin me up
does life have meaning if no one is watching?
what beats smartness and foresight? awkwardness and stupidity- Mark Twain
Life's Journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "Holy ****..What a Ride!!!" -Bumper Sticker
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
ive napped since then and have woken with extreme urges.
i want to cut so so bad. i need to see the inside of me. but i cant cut because Keith is coming. i can only bruise and that will upset Kelly. im ****ed whichever way i go.
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
*cuddles rach* honey, you CAN get through this. You have something to live for! You CANd o this and you KNOW you don't want to hurt... youre going so well... don't let it go :(
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
im really trying here. but countless things have been running through my head of things that i could do besides cutting. its ridiculous the things my brain comes up with. ive taken x amount of valium and still no sleep. i think im immune to anti anxiety meds.
its late here...ive tried watching tv. i cant concentrate for ****. out of everything ive thought of....bruising would be the most harmless...BUT I WANT TO DO HARM!!!!
i guess if thats all i get...then thats all i get......and i may not even do that.
im sick of life.
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
well hell...im just going to talk to myself here for a while......not many folks about right now....
i really really miss my dad. sick??? maybe...but i dont give a damn. i miss him. end of.
i want to call him.....he was always up this time of night.
i have Kelly and Kaleb but there is a horrid lonliness in me. im choking on it. i want to do something to stop it. im scared to be up all alone. and yet...i think id rather be alone???? its insanity. ****..i never claimed to be of sound mind.
i wish i could talk about all the **** in my head here but i cant because of rules. i never did like rules. they make me feel like im tied up and cant get loose. however!!!......i know they are there for a reason. so i'll stop bitching about it.
hmmm.....my mind is racing. ive taken my freakin mood stabilzers. and god knows, i take a shitload of them!!! alot of good they do yeah???
im mad at god. period. if there even is one.
im mad that he didnt answer my prayers when i begged him to stop my father from hurting me...and he didnt.
im mad at him for letting me be so sick to have to send my son away to be safe.
im mad that he's taken so many of my friends.
im mad that he took my father before i had the chance to reconcile. and i was so close!!!! i was working on it in therapy. and then he just dies!!! what the ****????
couldnt god see that i was trying my hardest????
does he not understand that this is KILLING me???
no matter what anyone says....it doesnt get better....in fact...it only gets worse because reality is setting in.
ok...those are my reasons.
so what now???
im an idiot....because i DO pray EVERY day. "just in case"
now my head really ****ing hurts.
i gotta find some exedrin.
maybe i'll be back tonight....maybe not...
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
*snuggles next to rach and hugs her tight* I wish I could help sweetie. But I don't have anything constructive to ad. just... keep asking you to hold on and to let you know I love you lots and am thinking of you!!!! *snuggles*
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
im falling to pieces.
my brother hasnt spoken to me in 6 months. i sent a comment to him on myspace yesterday....but he didnt accept
i sent a message too. i forgot to see if he read it or not.
i cant take this. i need my little bro to talk to me. he lives with my sis and im just on my own as far as my family goes.
i do nt know what else to say and i cant see cuz my eyes are too blurry from these god dsamn tears.
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
stuff your brtoehr. if you leave it, they will come to you. *hugs you and squeezes you very tightly* i love you sweetheart. please... don't give in. please. tears are good. tears are healthy. don't ant to lsoe you honey. please!
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
i aint goin nowhere hunni.
just managed a slight bruise on my hand. everything will be ok.
only had an hour of sleep and feel like im gonna puke.....ugh.
anyhow.....i love you missy.....and youre missing the party in your thread!!!!
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
