I was playing Tetris. I was listening to music. The track ended. The music stopped.
An old fiend (yes, fiend, not friend) came back.
The Woman in the Black Dress is back.
I haven't seen her since 2006 when she was the reason I ended up in a secure ward.
She said she's going to possess me. She said that the Devil has sent her as a replacement, which I can understand as the Devil doesn't come that often any more. The Woman in the Black Dress has been sent to possess me, to wreak havoc on the world. She says if I don't follow her instructions she will
unleash doom on this Earth.
I have been sent down to this Earth to carry out a mission and that is to destroy certain people.
I have a task that I must complete.
I feel changed now. Only 10 minutes ago I was playing Tetris and listening to music, but now I feel full of adrenaline, like I could pick up the knife and ram it into someone's guts. The Devil is inside me, pushing me on, encouraging me. There are people in my head. I can see carnage. Carnage.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
The Devil is being replaced in an outside-my-body sense, but she still resides inside me.
The HTT are coming tomorrow...I can't call anyone now because if my Mother finds out I'm calling the crisis line or the HTT, she'll kill me.
I want to scream. My body is being torn apart. I can see people dying around me.
Help.
Agh.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
She will emotionally blackmail me, stop talking to me, mock me, deride me, all sorts of emotional abuse.
She looks at my mobile phone bills and the home phone bills very carefully, so if she sees a number she doesn't recognise, she will interrogate me.
I have to wait until tomorrow for the HTT.
And even when I do tell them, they don't help. They just tell me to stay calm and then leave after 15 minutes. They used to help more, but now they don't.
My head is burning. Its on fire. Scissors, knives and pointy objects are flying through my head.
I'll lock myself in my bedroom and call the HTT tomorrow to ask them if they can come in the morning as opposed to the evening. If my Mum asks why, I'll say that I prefer them to come in the morning then late in the evening.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Thank you for the hugs.
I cannot fall asleep.
Music. I need music.
Knife. No knife. Stop. No knife.
Breathe.
Headphones. Music.
Scream.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Hey, I know I'm a little late responding right now.
Please try and stay grounded. You seem to be able to see that following the black dressed lady is not the smartest thing. Do your best to remember that. Do you have a safe place? (physical or mental) where no one but you can harm you and there are no physical objects to hurt you?
If you need anything just ask Ok?
Stay strong.
Pip
I have always felt that the moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that...absoultely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not one jot. The possibility is always there.
Thank you Pip. I am seeing the Home Treatment Team tonight and they will talk to me. I had 9 hours of sleep last night so I feel a bit calmer, but I am still very scared and the Black Dress Woman is telling me repeatedly to do various things that I really shouldn't do. I will hang on until the HTT come.
I have to make sure my Mother thinks everything is alright. I can't tell my Mother about this.
I will try to stay strong.
I am at home right now and this is where I'll stay for most of the day. My Mother is shopping atm, but when she comes back, I'll be safe again.
I've got revision to do, and although I am finding it extremely difficult to revise with this Woman next to me, I will continue to try and concentrate on my work as a distraction technique.
Agh. She is going to kill me.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
The HTT told me to: relax! And to listen to music or watch TV.
My parents had a huge argument today which involved a smashed wine bottle.
I have to kill my Mother...I have to kill her...Tomorrow I will carry out my task.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I'm sorry about your parents. I know that it can hurt when they fight (i don't know the extent in your case...but i know what it is like when my folks argue)
Remember that is their battle though. Not yours. No matter how you feel you are involved they have their own choices and responsibilities and you have yours.
Killing your Mother is NOT your responsibility. Can you call a more helpful helpline? since the HTT seems to be lacking luster. I know you mentioned this needing to be a secret from your Mum, but could you lie about the number you called? or borrow a friends phone.
Please holding strong and safe for a little while longer.
Pip
I have always felt that the moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that...absoultely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not one jot. The possibility is always there.
I called the crisis line just after midnight when my Mother was asleep. They didn't help. What I understood from the phone conversation was that if I told them the truth, "yes I have a plan", then they would get the police involved, so I just made them believe that I could calm down. They told me to take an extra 5mg of my meds and go to sleep. That's what I did and now I'm dead tired. And the Woman is next to me, scolding me for what I did.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
tell her to go to hell. she doesnt exist she is just a symbol for the pain and anguish in your life. and obviously aggression at the people who have harmed you. you can get through this, i know you can. we will all help you get through this. PM me or continue this thread
The Darkness Inside Me, thank you. I am telling her to go to Hell, although I'm not sure if she's affiliated with the Devil who I used to see or not.
I went for another 7 mile cross-country run today and it helped to calm me down a bit. I haven't done anything to my Mother, although I am not out of the woods. The Woman is very controlling. I hope she won't turn me onto myself.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Steel darling. You ok? You've got to control these voices. I know how difficult it is. The Ring girl tells me to cut myself and kill myself. Please don't do anything stupid hunny.
Im here. I understand how you feel.
x
thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.
I'm trying to stay calm....But I was doing a biology past paper and the Woman kept stealing my thoughts and attracting my attention to her...I'm crying because I've got 10 exams from next Wednesday to the 19th and I can't think!!! I can't do anything...my brain is shredded, the Woman has got hold of me...I WANT TO GO TO BLOODY CAMBRIDGE I NEED THREE A'S. AAAAAGGGGHHHHHH.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I'm going to bed soon. I took my meds 2hr 42min ago and it is kicking in with its sedation. I want to have a really deep sleep. I will be able to escape.
If the Woman hacks into my dreams, I kill her.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Thanks. I do better in the mornings. I'm currently doing chemistry, but I do take breaks often to tell the Woman to shut up. I told her to sit in the corner of my room and to read a book, don't know if she'll listen.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I have 10 exams starting this Wednesday, so if I am not around it is because I am doing exams.
Thanks.
My brain is dead.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I had a panic attack because the voices etc got too much.
And I still have commands to kill. The Woman has described to me an ingenious way of carrying this task out and it is not difficult. She will give me the signal.
It is so very difficult to revise properly with the Woman on my back.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
